Come Thursday it will have been eleven months. Eleven months of all of this. And the thing that is bothering me the most right now? My fingers. They feel absolutely shot. I'm starting to form callouses on certain ones. Yes I rotate. But what I've found lately is that I can't get half my fingers to bleed. The ones that will are so UNBELIEVABLY sore. I picked up Cassie (my beautiful guitar) last night, to practice, and had to put her down after five minutes. I tried playing Lucy, one of Andrew's guitars, who has a lighter action, but couldn't even handle that. Very upsetting.
What else I have come to notice, however, is that whichever fingers won't bleed when I'm lancing them for testing, will then insist on bleeding on close to everything that's in the vicinity. Now, this seems familiar, I'm sure. It's not the first time I've mentioned it. But when you look and there's now blood on your mouse, keyboard, the telephone, the light switch...the list goes on.
I'm finding that my lancing device is not my best friend at the moment. Normally, I'll do nothing but sing Bayer's praises, but this thing is really trying my patience. Even set to the deepest level, it's a real swing and a miss as to whether it will get any blood out at all. Which is why I'm alternating with using the supposedly 'comfort' single use lancets that I bought a box of online last year. I don't trust alternate site testing, since every time I've tried it, it has ended up only hurting me more. So much for 'giving your fingers a break' as it's marketed in the pamphlets I've picked up from clinic in the past.
Testing hurts. I don't like doing it. But I do it because, one, it needs to be done. And two, if I don't, I just sit and worry and end up doing it anyway. I don't think I'm the least bit obsessed, but there's no way I could cut down to testing less times than I do. Which, in case anyone is interested, is usually 7-10 times a day. I remember a particularly interesting exchange with my endo where he told me I could just get away with testing twice a day. Needless to say, I told him I wouldn't be comfortable with that, and it wouldn't be happening.
But please fingers...get it together? Before it's not just my ability to bleed that slips away, but the last vestiges of my sanity as well?