Instructions Not Included

If there's one thing I've found that you can't get around, it's the inevitable fact that you will, however hard you try to avoid it, go hypo in a public place. We all do - I mean, come on, it's not like you can spend your life hidden away under a rock or in a cave. If you ever leave your home, you will go hypo publicly.  What can vary greatly, of course, is the drama which unfolds, or the reception that you get from wherever you are. 

I've noticed that reactions from people you don't know when you're hypo can be absolutely fascinating. Probably moreso in hindsight, when my head is back on straight again. Some people and places are fabulous. I've never encountered anyone responding in a truly hideous manner, (although one or two that were a bit baffling - La Tasca, I'm looking at you...) but I know other people have. 

What I'm starting to think is that there should be some way of rating different places. A sort of Good Star Guide for PWD reception, if you will. The Michelin Star equivalent. Hmm...that place got a four-and-a-half Glucotab rating, I must try and go there next Friday... You get the general idea, I'm sure.

I started thinking about this because of something that happened to me this week that got me thinking.  It's been really, really hot here in the UK over the last week or so, which was more surprising because of it coming off the back of what felt like an unbelievably long winter. It's been floating around the upper 20's (which I believe is somewhere in the region of 80+ degrees Farenheit) - which I know isn't necessarily that high for some of my US-based friends, who I've seen talking about temperatures of 100 degrees Farenheit - around 40 celsius (thank you internet! I'd never know what any non UK based measurement was if it wasn't for you!) , but for me, and the UK in general, this is hot. Personally, I'm not really built for anything above the low 20's without feeling like I'm melting. I think sometimes that I must have a busted internal radiator. When I'm cold, I'm cold, and when I'm hot, I am HOT. I swear I have been a walking advertisement for Magicool recently. Yes, I know it's basically just water in can, but that stuff makes me pass for someone you can stand the company of, so I don't care. But the point is that as well as being a grumpy sod when I'm hot, I've found, like so many others out there, that the heat messes with my sugars. Thankfully we seem to be cooling off somewhat now, but I've spent the past week or so walking around feeling constantly hypo, and often actually being hypo. Which is what led to me nearly passing out from a hypo in Paperchase earlier this week. 

I'd gone down in my lunch hour to go and buy my dad a birthday card, so nothing too strenuous, nothing too outlandish. Thankfully one of my lovely work friends had also come with me, looking for birthday presents. I started feeling a bit wobbly halfway there, but had chalked it up as it just being too darned hot. But I tested just before going into the shop, and came up as 3.4 (61 for US money) - great. So I popped into the shop next to it and grabbed a drink, because I really couldn't face any more glucotabs after the amount I'd downed lately. 

So I wander around the shop some more, until I realise that my head is in a complete haze. I feel like I've stuck my face into a smoke machine. My friend is talking to me, and I know that what she's saying should be something that I can understand, but I have absolutely no idea what that is, because it doesn't sound like english. I'm very, very hot, and I can feel things starting to get a bit strange. 

Luckily my friend insisted that I sit down. Which was a good move, because I think I was about to pass out - despite already having treated the hypo, I'd dropped down further to 2.3 (41) in about five minutes. So not ideal. Glucotabs it is then. 

I ended up sitting against the wall by the door of the shop for about twenty to twenty five minutes. The staff were lovely, and didn't seem in the least bit concerned that I was blocking up their nice display of cards. They brought me water in a funky mug, and were very insistent that I let them know if there's anything else they can do for me. Excellent marks, Paperchase. They even offered me a chair, which was lovely, but I was happy enough on the floor - can't fall any further than you already are that way!

So I would say that Paperchase would score very highly in the Good Glucotab Guide. Thinking about it now, good marks would also go to my Sainsburys Local, where a lovely cashier helped me when I was hypo by offering me sweet tea and opening up what I'd just bought to deal with my hypo, because my hands were shaking too much. HMV would also score highly, when I was VERY low and realised I was out of all glucotabs, as one of their cashiers gave me a Mars bar from the counter and made me eat it, not caring that I was holding up the queue (I did pay for it later, for the record!). Turns out he was a Type 1 himself, and used the same meter as me. I do love moments like that. They make you feel less alone. 

So there are your opening pages of the Good Glucotab Guide - I might have to keep adding to this one...

Oh, and I did find a card for my dad. Right above my head for where I was sitting.

 



 

 

Posted by Becky at 21:32 | Labels: heat, hypos, numberwang | 5 comments |

So I've made no secret of my love of Dancesport. We're now far into the competition season, with only Roses 2011 left to go. This has meant some late nights, some early starts, and interesting dilemmas regarding the D. And where to hide Anneka. 

So earlier in this month had me competing in the Inter-Varsity Dance Competition (or IVDC as it's more commonly known) in Blackpool - the home of ballroom dancing, doncha know? So we were dancing at the Wintergardens. This place is gorgeous, for the record, and has one of the best dance floors in Europe. Problem of course, is that in order to get there for doors opening, and to get ready in time for the first rounds (which of COURSE happen to be one that I was competing in), our coach had to leave at 5am. 

Yes, you read that right. FIVE IN THE MORNING. Oy vey. By the way, I don't live near the university, so that means getting there. Too far to walk, especially with the amount of stuff I take with me, and several hours before the first bus. So expensive taxi ride it is.

Now, in my infinite wisdom, I managed to get my weeks mixed up, and thought that I had another week before the competition, which meant that I didn't really have any time to do those two words that fill me with a kind of dread, coupled with self loathing and ultimately necessity - fake tan. So that meant I had about 24 hours with which to achieve a hopefully appropriate level of tan, which was subtle enough for me not to be scared of my own reflection. I bought a wash off instant tan. 

There are a couple of things you should know about this. 1: I spent the end of my evening in a pair of latex gloves, pyjama bottoms and a bikini top. 2: It took about three attempts to get this right. 3: This was mainly because I hadn't realised I'd bought a shade too dark. 4: I realised about half way through that I would not be able to shower in the morning, and 5: It takes much, much longer than you think it will. 

I slept for a total of 45 minutes that night. Then I got up again, and got a taxi. When we got on the coach, I disovered that I had, in fact, found the coldest place on earth. Customarily, one expects the indoors to be warmer than the outside, but I'm fairly convinced that the sadistic coach driver had actually put the air conditioning on. It turns out that it's a longer drive to Blackpool than I'd originally given it credit for. 

Now last time, when I did a the Northern Universities Dance Competition (NUDC) in Chesterfield, I seemed to spend the majority of the day pretty high, scores wise. I headed out the door that morning coming in at 6.1mmol/l (109). Since my scores have still been rather....uncooperative as of late, I was very happy with that. As we pulled in to Blackpool, I was riding higher, at 13.2 (237), but a correction pulled me back down into range, and I was sitting pretty on 7.9 (142) as Round One of Beginner's Waltz started. 

Alice and I unfortunately got knocked out of this first round. This wasn't much of a surprise though, as I got hit on the head with someone's elbow, and then got rammed by two couples, right in front of the judges' table. Sadly, there aren't any more pictures of us dancing, mainly because our heats of Quickstep, and Jive all happened in a different room, and we just got missed in Cha-Cha. It's probably for the best, because every photo of me dancing ballroom makes me look like a have no neck. It's something of a cross between my still needing to learn better dance posture, and the picture being taken from behind me!

As with Waltz, we got knocked out of everything first round, which was a real shame, particularly for Quickstep, which went beautifully - I was fairly sure we'd progress to the following round. But such is life, and there's still Roses, and next year, although neither with Alice. And whilst I could easily believe that we got knocked out of each class, what I couldn't quite believe was what was happening with my levels. I'd been having such rotten numbers that it was like the Diabetes Fairy had waved some sort of wand over me for the day. Every number was acceptable! 5.3 (95), 7.0 (126), 5.5 (99), 8.2 (147), and so on! I'd decided on trying a grazing strategy, and somehow, it seemed to have worked!

Between the Ballroom classes and the start of the Latin, was the Off-beat competition. This is so much fun. Each university team gets 3 minutes 30 to do whatever they want. It's marked 50% on dance, and 50% on entertainment. Since our entry was a piece choreographed to 'Star Wars Disco Boogie', we were clearly going for the entertainment angle. See my kick-ass Ewok mask if you need further evidence. The whole thing was utter comedy, but apparently comedy that worked, considering we made it to 6th place out of the 12 entries. I maintain that we would have broken the top 3 if we'd had more rehearsal time!

By the evening, the individual classes were over, I was still coming in good at 5.6 (100), and we were all set to go with the team knockout competition. Alice and I were dancing Waltz for the C team (I had wanted to dance Quickstep, but hey ho, you go where you're put!). In an awesome move, all three of our teams got recalled to the quarter finals, and our A team came in 4th place in the 2nd division. Score one for York!

We eventually got back on the coach home at just after midnight, and a score of 4.9 (88), with the heating finally coming on at Leeds, and into bed, after showering off my orange skin, at about 3am. That's one crazy, and very, very long day. 

I don't know how I got such good scores. I need to look into it a bit more, I think. Shame I couldn't repeat it the other night though, when I was at a workshop on contemporary choreography for theatre. I ended up having a hypo halfway through, and spent the rest sitting on the sidelines, because I knew I was going down again after treating. 

Ah well. You win some, you lose some. Bring on Roses!

Posted by Becky at 00:09 | Labels: blog carnival, dance, dsma, exercise, hypers, hypos, numberwang, win | 3 comments |

We humans are an interesting bunch, I'm sure you'll agree. We do all sorts of strange an bizarre things. One thing we do is find personality in the most every day of things. I mean, have you seen Happy Chair Is Happy, as a prime example? 

So it's no surprise that you constantly come across people in the DOC giving personalities to things - D as a whole, pumps have names, so do lows, highs, CGMS and meters. I haven't got to the stage of naming things myself (apart from numberwang, which is pure quality, obviously)

I love that we do this. It takes something that can be so sterile, and gives it character. It's all about playing games with our imaginations. Stops us from growing too old, or going too crazy. I guess as well, it stops the gadgetry that we use day to day from being too imposing and 'scary'.

Now I'm wondering about the names of everyone's kit, and all their characters. Anyone up for a 'parade'? I'll bring the mardi gras beads!

Posted by Becky at 23:27 | Labels: friends, nablopomo, numberwang, technology | 4 comments |

Ever had a puzzle that you just couldn't figure out? I've had a few of them in my time. I used to have a Rubik's cube, but I got so fed up of the damn thing that I ended up putting it in a shoebox for Operation Christmas Child. We also used to own a puzzle that was actually a birthday present for my brother one year - it was a plastic box that had 3-D Tetris style pieces. The idea was to take the pieces out of the box, and then put them back in again. Most annoying puzzle ever. I think I couldn't have been any older than ten or eleven when this puzzle arrived in our house. I'm twenty-five now, and no-one in my family has ever managed to solve this thing. 

Puzzles can be immensely frustrating, so it's completely understandable that sometimes people need help or clues to help them get through the difficult bits. Which is why I'm a huge advocate of testing. 

The whole management of blood sugar is a huge puzzle - to get it to play fair, you've got to track it and learn to spot trends. Which is why I can't wrap my head around people who say you can test 'too much', or that testing more than four times a day makes you 'obsessive'. 

I don't see it that way. We're all in the same game here, which is trying to manage this thing the best we can. How are you supposed to spot the clues to help you do that if you don't test? Personally I test at least seven times a day - before each meal, two hours after, and before bed. It quite frequently ends up being more than that. I would never just 'guess' at what my levels were, because I'm a human being, and I'm more likely than not to get it wrong. If I were to try and guess too often, and it turned out I was guessing wrong, what sort of damage could I be doing to myself? 

No-one likes testing. I mean, come on - it does hurt, and there's no getting round that. It's not like we do these things for fun. So why are people testing more than four times a day doing it? Well, I can't speak for everyone else, but for me, it's so that I can feel that it's me in the driving seat, rather than diabetes. I don't want to leave these things down to chance. I carb count, so I need to test before and after, so I can check I've got the count right. I would also never not check before bed, because I need to make sure that I'm about 5mmol/l (90 mg/dl), otherwise I need to have a snack.

Aside from this, I add on any time I feel hypo or hyper, before I exercise, before I go out with Andrew on the back of the motorbike, if I'm not feeling well. I've also taken to testing at 15:00 when I'm at the office, as I tend to slump around then, and I want to make sure that I have a snack if it's appropriate.

Of course, there's only a point in testing if you know what the numbers mean, and know what to do with them. Otherwise, your meter might as well sing Baa Baa, Black Sheep to you. But if you know what the deal is? Well then I firmly believe that then you should have the ability and necessary supplies to test as much as you need to. 

Would I call that obsessive? Nope, not a chance. I don't think it's obsessive, when it's under the provisos that I've just mentioned. It's proactive. I thoroughly believe that I'm being proactive in looking after my health and my future. We're in a social climate now where we're all being encouraged to take control of our own health and well-being. So when you've got maintaining the best blood sugar management that you're able to, added into the mix, then surely that's just following advice generally given to everyone? After all, it's not easy, and sometimes we all need a few extra clues.

Posted by Becky at 23:36 | Labels: goals, hypers, hypos, nablopomo, numberwang, technology, testing | 1 comments |

So, Andrew took me out on the bike again tonight. It had been a strange old day, in that when I looked out of the window this morning, it looked like it was going to pour it down with rain. And it looked cold. 

Thankfully though, it both brightened, and warmed up enough for me to go protesting (great turn out, both the speakers and people in the crowd were lovely), and boil in clothing I thought was going to be weather-appropriate. 'Interesting' fact about me is that I never, ever choose clothes that are appropriate to the weather. I freeze or boil - it's not fun.

But by the time I'd got back home, (after another hypo) it had warmed up nicely, and Andrew wanted to try an experiment. I recently acquired a little pocket video camera, and I've taken to making short films. So Andrew wanted to try seeing if he could attach the camera to his bike gear and film his rides. This meant another experiment with 'Gaffa- Mache', in which you make a case for things out of Gaffa tape and clingfilm.

So we tied it to him, and it did indeed film. However, we forgot to cut a gap for the microphone. So it consequently sounds like there is a giant helicopter attacking us the whole way through this!

Things that it is important to remember! 

1: I've said it before, but bike clothes make you look unbelievably fat

2: I don't know why I say 'hello' like a complete loony. I don't normally talk that, I promise

3: There is no helicopter. Much in the same way 'there is no spoon'. If it's really hard for a lot of people to understand, let me know, and I'll put up subtitles!

Posted by Becky at 22:46 | Labels: biking, friends, hypos, nablopomo, numberwang, vlogging | 0 comments |

It's ended up turning in to one of those days, it really, really has. We've got a show in the theatre tonight, which means working late. However, half our staff are away, which means we're understaffed. On a normal evening when we have the public in the building, we have three members off staff on. Tonight, we had two - myself and Andrew. 

So, I'm busy doing box office (shocking), and we're about five minutes off opening the house. I'm feeling a bit wibbly, and I'm pretty sure a hypo is headed my way, but unfortunately, box office is busy, and my meter is in the other room. OK, I think, I can wait a couple of minutes to check. 

Then the fire alarm goes off. Oh yes, you heard me right. ANOTHER fire alarm with me in the building. Thrills! So, good, responsible little steward that I am, I make sure everyone is out of the building. It's not going to be fire, I know that - it's going to be the haze machine combined with the fans in the theatre kicking up dust. For some reason, that sometimes sets off the alarm, as has been previously observed by the times our Stage Manager, Rob, has set the alarm off with his sander. But we get everyone out, and I'm running up and down the stairs (we have quite a few), to check all the levels. Everybody out, everything is safe, everybody in. 

Wait a few minutes, serve lots more drinks. OK, I feel REALLY low now. I drink some juice off the bar, but I'm shaking on the insides, I'm sweating, and I can feel waves of heat rushing up and down me. Lovely. A couple of minutes later, I see a window of opportunity, and I run off and grab my meter, and try to check. 

Shunk, goes the lancet. 

No blood. Try another finger.

Shunk goes the lancet.

No blood this time either. Grrr!

Flick my arm to try and get some blood to my fingers.

Medical ID bracelet flies off my wrist, and is now a bunch of beads cluttering the floor between the box office and halfway through the main office. Well, that's just peachy, isn't it? I start picking them up, and try again to test.

Shunk goes the lancet.

4,3,2,1, numberwang says......3.2mmol/l (57.6mg/dl) AFTER juice?! Aw man. I'm seriously sweaty and swaying by now. I go back over to the bar.

'Andrew? Andrew, I'm really low.'

So being as I'm supposed to stay downstairs as Duty Manager, whilst Andrew goes upstairs (ironically, mostly in case of a fire-related emergency, ha ha ha(!) ), I decide to possibly over treat this, so that he knows I'm not going to drop whilst I'm working alone downstairs, and can't get to anyone. 

Pour another glass of apple juice and down it. Then pour another glass (they're very small). I pause to look at it. There's mould floating in it. Well, isn't that just LOVELY? And isn't it good we hadn't had anyone buy any? I couldn't have noticed this before I'd drunk two glasses of it though, could I?

I drink a bit of orange juice instead, and grab a bar of chocolate off the bar as well, thinking that my bar tab is rocketing up by this point. Everyone goes up, and I sit down at my desk.

I post a cry for help on Twitter, Facebook, and Diabetes Support, saying I was on my own, and could anyone who had my mobile number check on me in ten minutes or so?

And bless their hearts, did people come through for me? Sam, Siobhan and Tom all texted me within a matter of minutes, asking if I was ok, did I have stuff to treat with, etc.

I was climbing slowly. 4.9, 5.2, all the way up to 6.8mmol/l (122mg/dl). Still felt like utter rubbish though, and my WORD was I hungry by now?

Interval comes, and we do a roaring trade on the bar. But I want to go home. Show has just finished, and now I'm at 10.7mmol/l (192.6 mg/dl), and I'm still having to think much harder than normal to type this correctly. 

Is it home and bed time yet? How was your day?

Posted by Becky at 22:27 | Labels: food, friends, hypos, nablopomo, numberwang, testing, theatre, work | 0 comments |

I know I can't speak for everyone over here, but I have found the last few days in the UK to be extremely stressful. So it was a real treat to go down to the river today to help celebrate my friend Anna's birthday.

I don't know if I'm the only person this has ever happened to, but I never really learned to ride a bicycle as a child. Shocking, I know.I kind of taught myself, but when I outgrew the bike I had at that point, I never got another. But shortly before I was diagnosed, I bought myself a second hand bike, and was determined to learn how to ride it. Andrew has been teaching me - something I'm sure he regrets doing. I'm not a fast or patient learner, it turns out! It also seems that the old adage isn't true - you do forget the basics, as falling off a bunch of times, and nearly riding into walls, trees, the river and people has shown me. 

Well, I haven't been 'riding' in about a year, since about this time last year I was pretty distracted with diagnosis, and Stage Managing Shrew in the summer. Then winter came, and it was long. I wasn't overly inspired to go out and continue learning in that sort of weather. So being as I was so rubbish generally, I was surprised that, when I suggested we cycled down to Anna's party, I was actually not too bad! Until I tried to gracefully duck under some bunting when we got there, drove into the back wheel of Andrew's bike, and came right off. Graceful, no?

That besides, since this was picnic food, I decided to take a different approach than normal. As you generally want to graze, rather than pick all your food out at once in this sort of environment (or at least, I know I do), I thought I would try eating first, injecting later. I did go a bit carb crazy, I have to admit. Bread with brie, some cookies, some pringles, mini scones. Very naughty, and I was expecting at least a double figure score. But scores came in at 7.5mmol/l. Huh...that was weird. I tested a few more times, and when I got home, and I didn't go above 8.9mmol/l (160 mg/dl) My only conclusion is that I must have burned off a lot more energy cycling than I'd anticipated.

Anyway, it was warm and sunny for the most part, and everyone seemed to have fun. We saluted all the boats going down the river, to see how many we could get to do the same. My personal favourite was the person who sang back at us. That was great fun. Inspired by others doing the same, I also decided to attempt something else that I'd not tried before - climbing trees. 

I was not good at this either. I've mentioned before that I'm not really ladylike. But all the same, the lack of grace with which this was accomplished was quite extraordinary. Andrew ended up climbing the same tree in advance, whilst our friend Ivan helped me by letting me get up on his shoulders. Like I say, graceful. Getting down was easier, but as Andrew pointed out, gravity does work in your favour that way.

We also raced paper boats up the river. I managed to pick the only one with a giant tear in it. So I dubbed it the Titanic. How surprising that it should then go on to win the race.

We cycled back home, which felt a much bigger effort than getting there had. But rounding off this rather lovely, relaxed day is drinking some hot chocolate and watching Elf on DVD. Scores have all been good today. Sometimes you just need a day off.

Posted by Becky at 23:39 | Labels: being thankful, biking, food, friends, injecting, nablopomo, numberwang | 0 comments |

I'm really very tired today. Now admittedly, this is mostly my own fault. It's hard to say entirely whether this was because I was stubborn (which I am), but I was determined to stay up to watch the results of the UK General Election. The concept of going to sleep whilst my country was changing around me didn't sit well with me. 

I made it to 4am, before going to bed. I'm told that I just missed the result for the York Central constituency, which came in shortly after 4am. I woke up at 7am, but got up shortly after 8am. All in all, I didn't feel too bad. Had a low waking score in the 4's (about 79 mg/dl). Well, it's low for me, as I rarely ever get a waking score lower than 6mmol/l. 

But two hours after breakfast? Hypo. Before lunch? Hypo. Two hours after lunch? Hypo. Good job I had a lot of Glucotabs on me, really. Chug some Diet (Cherry, yey!) Coke, and at about 16:00, Andrew makes me go out for walk to buy milk for the office, which clears my head a tiny bit, but man did I feel rough. To be honest, still not feeling brilliant. 

I do feel like I've been through the wringer today, both physically and emotionally. I don't like sitting on this knife edge of a decision. I don't think I've ever watched so much news in a 24 hour period. The fact that I'm really stressed out over this probably hasn't helped matters much. But I often find that my hypos seem to come in three's. I hate being proved right!

Posted by Becky at 23:37 | Labels: hypos, nablopomo, numberwang | 0 comments |

N

Hypo symptoms are weird things. You don't want to lose them, because that's dangerous. On the other hand, you can sometimes confuse with them with signs of hypers. On top of that, I have been battling recently with normal levels, disguising themselves as hypos. I hate that.

This afternoon is a classic example. Legs like lead, absolutely no dexterity, feeling like my head is full of cotton wool - but completely sound levels, of 4.8 and 5.2. Any other time of the day, I would be thrilled with those levels, so why did I feel so rubbish? 

Whenever I've been feeling like this, it's not like I've dropped from an unusual high, and the feelings could be explained away by what I've come to term as a 'relative hypo'. I honestly don't understand.

So being as I don't understand, I turn this over as a question to you in the DOC. Can anyone help me shed any light on this? I find it frustrating and bewildering, and advice would be most welcome.

Posted by Becky at 23:54 | Labels: hypos, nablopomo, numberwang | 2 comments |

Earlier today, Leighann on D-Mom Blog posted about how her family all run Macs, and how all diabetes kit seems to run on PC's.

Sorry Mac users, but that makes me very happy indeed. Now obviously, I want everything that we use to be available for everyone who needs it, regardless of their operating system of choice. I'm not wanting to deny you the right to download readings. That would be both stupid and mean. But I really hate Macs. 

I don't like things by Apple. I just don't get them. PCs just work so much better, and for half the price. This is an odd time to be posting my pro-pc-ness, being as my laptop is on the fritz at the moment. However, I tend to hear many, many more reports from friends with Macs about how software isn't compatible, or how their shiny shiny product has broken down and has to go back to the Apple store to be fixed. 

So when the iPhone launched, I wasn't exactly bothered. The iPad, I believe is fairly pointless. But a friend's iPhone came up in conversation over the weekend. I mentioned a great steal I'd got on a pair of leather trousers for using when riding Andrew's motorbike. We came to the conclusion that I'd got them so cheaply because the sizes had been posted in European sizes, and no-one knows what the heck they are. As it is, they were a size smaller than I would have ideally liked, but they fit ok. So he said how he had a measurement converter on the iPhone. Thinking that I was posing a challenge, I asked if it would convert mmol/l to mg/dl. Mainly because I'm sick of having to write in conversions with a pencil in most of the diabetes books I own. You crazy Americans and your strange measurements! (I love you all really)

Turns out that yes, it did! Right below sizes for men's shirts. I was suitably impressed with this. I would very much like this function on my phone - an old cast off of Nick and Kieran, after I put yet another phone through the washing machine. But would something like this convince me to switch to an iPhone? It's cool, but no way. I'm Mitchell, not Webb.

Posted by Becky at 23:29 | Labels: friends, nablopomo, numberwang, technology | 2 comments |

We have another company using our theatre space at the moment. As a thank you, they brought in chocolates. And left them on my desk. It's like they were watching me. So I drew eyes on them. Shame that I chose to do it in a permanent marker that soaked through the paper and on to my desk. That meant getting out the meths. 

On reflection, I'm not sure it was worth it. 

Today has been a bit rubbish. A post lunch 9mmol/l was followed with my attempting to overcome a 3.7 by force of will alone. Seemed to work, as came in at 4-5mmol/l, which is fine. But I spent the follow two to three hours in a horrid state. I was unbelievably hot, and I felt like my skin was crawling. I couldn't concentrate on anything, and all I actually wanted to do was hide under my desk and cry. I was angry at everything, and I didn't want to answer the phone or the door. 

So because we had a show in with an early start, I had to eat dinner early as well. But as soon as I'd injected my NovoRapid, I realised a potentially huge problem with being over building capacity. This had to be solved, and had to be done in ten minutes, as that's when NR tends to kick in on me. Now, obviously I could have solved this issue by drinking some juice, sorting out the problem and then bolusing again for my meal. But I wasn't exactly thinking straight. 

After eating, my two hour post test comes in at 12.6 mmol/l. Fantastic. Sort that out with a two mile walk home. But due to early dinner, I'm now hungry again. What a fantastic day.

Posted by Becky at 23:50 | Labels: bolus, d365, food, hypos, injecting, nablopomo, numberwang, sieve brain moments, testing, type 1, work | 2 comments |

I was going to vlog today. I still plan to vlog, but not today. Now I am tired.

I felt like a bit of a moron this morning. I'd forgotten to sort out food for breakfast, so scrounged what I had, including some Innocent Smoothie. I thought I had it sussed. I knew what the carbs were, I remembered where 250mls was on the glass, and all was well and jolly. 

Then I did my two-hour post breakfast test. First test - 17! Then two at around 14mmol/l (259 mg/dl), which made me realise what I'd done wrong.

Yes, I had poured 250ml of liquid. But the figures I knew for smoothie were for 100ml. When I'd been measuring 250ml it had been for an experiment with carb counting for fruit juice. 

So yes, I felt stupid. Really stupid. It was a proper head-meets-desk moment. If I'd thought about it for 30 seconds longer, I could have probably averted that. But what was even worse was that I felt rubbish for the rest of the day. I felt like I was recovering from a really bad hypo all day.

So well done me.

Posted by Becky at 22:44 | Labels: bolus, d365, food, guilt, injecting, nablopomo, numberwang, sieve brain moments | 1 comments |

This is not a nice picture of me. But I figured it would be a good start to my attempt at Diabetes 365. I haven't made an account yet, but I figure I can start with my camera phone, and move on to a DSLR eventually.

***************

But anyway, here's the story behind this one. I went up to B&Q today to buy a storage crate for merchandise at work. I was sure I could get there and back in an hour, in time for 12:30, to have my lunch. I was happy enough with my levels before we left, and with twelve complete hypo-free days behind me, I was fairly confident that I was going to complete day thirteen. Plus it would be ironic in a cliché-ridden way for the streak to end on day thirteen. 

However, it was there by the power-tools (see over my left shoulder) that my good run ended, in a collapsing jenga-tower-esque fashion. So there I sat in the B&Q cafe, eating my Glucotabs and sandwich, all the while wondering why on earth B&Q had a cafe in the first place. I was intrigued by a sign behind the counter, which said that outside food was not permitted, but 'exceptions would be made in cases of children with medical conditions'. 

Why just children with medical conditions?  Why would children be spending significant amounts of time in B&Q? Good to know that understand that sometimes people HAVE to eat, but do they think the children that would need to eat because of medical conditions won't grow up to adults who are going to need to as well? And that are more likely to be interested in lawnmowers/shelving/taps/drills?

Well, it's an interesting thought, and a rather surreal experience, watching men walk by with probably my body's weight in timber on a flat cart. 

A new game starts tomorrow.

Posted by Becky at 23:41 | Labels: d365, food, hypos, nablopomo, numberwang, type 1, work | 1 comments |

...which is the start to the still rather good song by the Barenaked Ladies. But it's also, to the best of my knowledge, a first for me since DX.

One week. No hypos.

Trust me, I'm very happy about this. But the thing is that I don't really know how I've done it. If I could tell you that, I think the sense of satisfaction would be a lot greater. But the thing is that I don't know how I've done it. Like I say, I am really happy about it, but aiming for a whole week free of hypos has been emotionally draining in a manner that I haven't admitted to anyone before writing this down. And why has it been like that? Because the whole thing has been like a competition. I felt like I was running against a stop-clock the whole time.

Knowing that my goal was to get that whole week meant I had something to aim for. Now unless you've met me in person, you might not know this about me, but I am actually HORRIBLY competitive. It's not that I don't want other people to do well, because I don't think I'm that mean. It's just that I love the rush of winning. Particularly in teams, if I'm honest. I think it's because I know that as an individual, I'm likely to lose. But put me with others and I've got a chance of contributing something.

So the thought of my hypo free week being a contest was both a good and bad thing. It was good in the fact that it fired me up inside. I could do this, and dammit, I would do it. But the thing was that I was watching the clock count down to midnight every night, to say to myself that I had made it another day. But as I managed another day without, and got closer and closer to that last day, I started feeling a gnawing feeling inside of me. What if I failed? What if, despite telling myself I would do it, I simply couldn't? At the end of the day, I'm fighting my own body, in all its broken-ness. Would I just end up with overwhelming feelings of disappointment, failure and self loathing? Was I just perpetuating self-defeating behaviours, or was I setting myself a realistic goal? (On the topic of self-defeating behaviours, I highly recommend listening to the podcast on overcoming them on Chronic Babe)

Last night was day seven. And at 22:00 last night, the meter read 3.9mmol/l. One test, two test, three test. They all came up with 3.9. And to get three completely identical tests, without not even 0.1mmol/l variation is SO rare for me that I can't even begin to explain it. I was so close to screaming, crying, smashing up whatever was at hand. I don't know how I didn't, to tell you the truth. Give it five minutes, I said, and see what it says. If it goes back up, it's a meter error. And it did go back up. 4.8mmol/l. False alarm. But what was I doing to myself to achieve this goal? Realistic goals are a great thing, I'm a firm believer in that. But this victory has a slightly bitter taste to it. Because I've been on edge, constantly waiting for this to fall apart. And now, as soon as I find myself having a real hypo, I'm going to feel like a failure. It doesn't matter what I managed before. 

So the victory tastes bitter. Possibly because a part of my mind has gone 'Well, if you managed a whole week without hypos, maybe this whole diabetes thing isn't real.'. Now don't even get me started on how freaking stupid that is. (Plus, I'll be talking about that tomorrow, probably) But it is real, and eventually this winning streak is going to end. 

This clip from an episode of Scrubs in which Dr Cox and Elliot are chasing a 'perfect game' - a whole 24 hours with no-one dying really says everything for me. And really I should listen to Dr Cox. Watch it (even though this clip from the DVD doesn't have the original music on it, which was much better)

And to end back with the Barenaked Ladies, 'It's been one week since you looked at me, threw your arms in the air and said 'You're crazy!''

And I probably am a little bit. But aren't we all?

Posted by Becky at 17:03 | Labels: goals, guilt, hypos, numberwang, type 1 | 1 comments |

I'm breathing deeply in for the count of eight. Hold and release to the count of eight.

I am a temple of calm. I am a leaf on the wind.

Oh who am I kidding? No-one, that's who. Now, I'll be straight up with you - I get frustrated a lot. I get mad. I get wound up. But it's a rare few people who have ever seen me be full-on, red capital letters ANGRY. And it's a cliché I know, but you wouldn't like me when I'm angry. I'm not fun. 

But what the rage does sometimes give you, if you channel it right, is passion. It does for me. I don't like injustice. I don't like seeing people beaten down or treated badly. So seeing injustice on both a personal scale, such as with my friends, or on a larger scale, really makes me wish there was more I could do.

I have a bit of a not-so-well-hidden love for Wonder Woman. I don't know why really, since I've never read the comics, or particularly watched the old TV show. But trust me there are days that I wish I was Wonder Woman. I could help right the injustices that make me so mad. 

I'd get Sam over at Talking Blood Glucose her pump. I'd sort out all the Type 2's I'm friends with with their test strip problems. I'd get CGMs for the people that need them. Then I'd go global and put the world to rights. Because I just can't take seeing people hurting.

So now I think it's only fair to talk quickly about something that made me so mad that I just had to do something about it. 

I've become fairly heavily involved with a project called DiDkA, which stands for Diet Drink Awareness. You'll probably hear a lot about it on here from now on. It started out because some of us over at Diabetes Support got very, very angry about stories of people being served full sugar drinks when we've asked for diet, and seeing our blood sugars soar. So we've decided to try and recruit people to our cause. So I'm asking you, dear reader to get behind us. Join us on FaceBook, follow us on Twitter, and bookmark our website. It's all going live hopefully by the start of March, where we're approaching Diabetes UK, starting an information-gathering campaign and hoping to convert anywhere that sells soft drinks, by signing them up to the DiDkA pledge. Right now, we need your numbers. We're also going to need your stories. We need people to stand up and say 'This is what happened to me! This is dangerous, please listen!' Will you stand up with us?

I'm standing up. I'm getting political. Because I'm angry.

Posted by Becky at 22:52 | Labels: advocacy, didka, friends, goals, numberwang, soap box | 0 comments |

Posted by Becky at 22:05 | Labels: appointments, hypos, numberwang, testing, theatre, type 1 | 0 comments |

Posted by Becky at 00:30 | Labels: advocacy, bolus, food, honeymoon, hypos, injecting, numberwang, sieve brain moments, testing, type 1, vlogging | 4 comments |

Happy Christmas one and all!

Well I promised you a post today, and though I'm cutting it rather close to the wire, here we go.

So last night, I went to midnight communion, as I usually do of a Christmas Eve. Skimming over the ice, insanely squeaky clarinet playing, and the fact there was a rather frighteningly drunk man walking the same path home as me, I decided to test as I arrived at the service. 4.5. Hmm. Fair enough, but if that doesn't alter, I might need to have a snack before I go to bed.  Now when it comes to actually taking communion, I remember that the church I go to when I'm at my parents' place serves grape juice rather than wine for communion. Ah. All the times I've taken communion since being diagnosed, I've either been served wine, or I've been free to take the tiniest sip of juice from a comunial cup. So I start wondering whether this would be a problem. I decide that it shouldn't since the amount you get served in the individual glasses is smaller than a shot glass, so it couldn't affect me too much, surely?

Well, I'm 5.3 before I go to bed, so all's well that ends well, right? Well, I wake up this morning with a fairly strong headache, and test at 8.8 in one hand, and 7.6 in the other. Huh?! So I have some breakfast, and go back down to church again. After the service, I'm starting to feel a bit grotty. I figured I was probably on the edge of hypo. Nope! 10.3. An hour later, when I'm doing my proper post meal test, I come in at 4.3. AN HOUR LATER! What the heck is going on by this point?

But this is where it starts to get really interesting. I'm 4.6 before we have Christmas dinner. I don't go crazy, but I'm not stingy either. Turkey, roast potatoes, parsnips, carrots, stuffing, sausage. Have a bit of ice cream and a very tiny bit of Christmas pudding after. Two glasses of light sparkling (very sweet) wine. Post meal I come in at 5.9. Having told myself I can be a bit more relaxed today, I have a handful of savoury nibbles, and pick at yoghurt coated ginger (something I discovered I loved after being diagnosed. Then shortly after discovered the sugar content of it.). Come about 8pm, and I think I should probably have something else to eat, or I'll hypo later in the evening. But thinking about the ginger and what have you, I think it's still going to be a high score. Numberwang says....5.8.

Post meal numberwang says 4.5!

What is going on?! On a normal day, I wouldn't eat like this! I wouldn't pick at ginger. I wouldn't drink the sweet wine. I wouldn't have stuffing, potatoes and parsnips at the same meal. It's rather like the diabetes fairy, who normally is such a curse, decided to turn the usual game on its head. Thus I have had two of my mum's chocolates, and a small glass of port. I daren't see how far I can test this out though.

In other news, I have many, many pairs of socks. This is a very good thing. Note that I do not say that I have enough socks. One can never have enough socks. They are also all fabulous. I did take a picture of my feet in one pair to show you, but sadly this computer does not like to upload things. But believe me, they are rather wonderful.

I hope you are all having a great time, with good levels.

Again, Merry Christmas to you! xx

Posted by Becky at 23:41 | Labels: bolus, faith, food, hypos, numberwang, testing, type 1 | 1 comments |

Well, after my huge accomplishment of managing to complete NaBloPoMo, I suppose I rather seemed to fall off the face of the earth for December. But hey, it's been busy. Most evenings I've been tied up doing something, or I've just been shattered. So I'm afraid this rather took a back seat for a bit.

But how are you? Seriously, if you're still reading even after I disappeared for practically a whole month, I'd like to know! 

For my part, like I say, I've been busy. December is a bit mad for everyone, but it's been a manic few weeks. I started off with York Come Dancing. Oh yes.  I've been talking about this one for a while, but it finally came. And then promptly went. Ben and I had a slightly stressful but wonderful time doing demonstration Cha-Cha-Cha and Jive. Proof?

There we are! (Photo credit - It's a crop of a shot by Matt Cornock / York Dancesport). Yes, my lines could be a lot better, but I was still quite pleased with the whole thing. Pretty much in retrospect, because the end of the Jive went a bit wrong for various reasons, and I was a touch gutted on the night. But that's life, huh?  More recently, I've had a bash at Viennesse Waltz, finally got a handle on the regular Waltz (if only I could remember the routine! When I can remember it, I can do it!) and Samba. I'm still rather looking forward to Paso and Foxtrot. ^_^

You know how in the past, I've complained about my sieve brain, and lack of organisation? Well, I've managed a doozy as of late. I lost my BG diary. Yeah, not great. I knew it was somewhere inside my bedroom, but where it was I had absolutely no idea. I thought maybe it had been a week, perhaps a fortnight tops since I had last written up my scores. Well, I found it the other evening. In a bag under my bed. Great, right? Turns out I hadn't actually written in my scores since the 9/10th November. Well done me. That was a fun evening of transcribing over a month's worth of data from my meter, I can tell you. Obviously it's nobody's fault but my own. Hopefully it'll teach me not to do that again, at any rate!

This next statement is obviously and exaggeration, but not far off one. It seems like everyone in the country has snow at the moment. At home in York, we've got it. I got back to my parents' place in Cheshire last night, and they also have it, as did everywhere I travelled through on the train. So it's cold. Particularly in York, where we didn't have a LOT of fresh snow after the initial big fall, but it's still there and not melting away. I don't know whether it's just weird timing, or if it has something to do with the temperature, but injecting has been a lot more painful than normal. Anyone else find it hurts more when it's colder?

I'm hoping to be an extremely good girl and post a quick one tomorrow. Make up for missing most of December by posting on Christmas Day. Seems a weird trade-off, but it works for me!

Posted by Becky at 13:46 | Labels: dance, dreams, heat, injecting, numberwang, sieve brain moments, type 1 | 0 comments |

Posted by Becky at 22:22 | Labels: dance, hypos, nablopomo, numberwang | 0 comments |