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Some days are harder than others. I think we all know that. If you think I'm talking rubbish, then I'm sorry, but I think you're kidding yourself. 

Anyway. After trying to counteract a long string of higher numbers, I decided to up my basal, and my morning ratio. I overbolused for lunch on the first day of this, so I switched back to my old ratio. Still getting hypos. 

These hypos have had practically no warnings, which scares me. I've reduced my basal back, so fundamentally resetting all the changes. But was it the basal? Was it the bolus? Was it the hour workouts in the morning before breakfast or any insulin?

It is like I've got a bucket full of water that I'm trying to keep hold of. Shame the bucket is full of holes then, really, isn't it?

Training Update:
I've now doubled the weight of my dumbbells, so I'm now using two 10lb weights, instead of two 5lb ones. That means I've taken my sets down to 10 presses, 5 chest flys and 10 biceps curls. I've also switched from running a lap to doing free runs, so I can see the distance more accurately. 10 minute free run so far, has given me 2k 78m, and 2k and 69m. Hopefully I can break the 3k mark soon... 

Posted by Becky at 23:47 | Labels: exercise, hypers, hypos, injecting, insulin, training | 4 comments |

I have a bit of a list, that I add to as I think of things. It's not quite a 'bucket list', but rather a list of things that I've never done, and want to get round to doing.

So far this year, I've crossed climbing a tree off that list. I've quite a few things on there, which vary from visiting Italy to actually seeing a firefly. Between now and Sunday, I'm hoping to cross one, and possibly two things off the list. 

Number one is going on a boat. No, seriously, I've never done it. Lots of people find this bewildering, but I honestly haven't. Boat cruise down the River Ouse - oh yeah.

Number two isn't a definite, but a strong possibility. This is playing my guitar in front of people. Singing at the same time, obviously. Of course I've sung in front of people many, many times before, but I've never successfully made my way through playing a song on a guitar in public.

I'm very nervous about it, and I'm not sure if it will actually happen. I feel it's probably going to be more of a case of putting my guitar in the car, and seeing whether or not I chicken out when I get there. I'm having a lot of problems as well with my fingers causing me pain on the fretboards, where I lance. Serious ouchies. 

Anyway, I'll let you know what happens.

In other news, workout was HARD this morning. I did not want to get out of bed, and I almost stopped half way through, because my arms were hurting me an awful lot. Thankfully I managed to get through it.

Something went rather wrong with my bolus for dinner tonight, and I ended up at somewhere between 14mmol/l and 16mmol/l (252-288 mg/dl). Managed to do a decent correction though, and at last check I was at 4.9mmol/l (88mg/dl). So I'll probably end up actually having to eat something before going to bed, as it turns out!

Posted by Becky at 23:55 | Labels: bolus, exercise, goals, hypers, injecting, nablopomo, training | 1 comments |

I've been told that I'm clumsy before now. You know what? That may very well be true to some extent. Yet I don't think that I'm complete klutz. However, I still have some bruises up and down my legs from last week's fun and japes with the Lindy Hop.

They don't bother me though, because I know where they came from. I can attribute them to something. What I have found recently though, is that I've ended up with some fairly colourful bruising from injecting over the past week. Just seems a bit strange, really. I haven't changed my technique particularly, although I have been injecting in my thigh more. Still, last night in particular, I injected (I think) my Lantus, and whilst I was changing to go to bed an hour later, I saw that the spot was now a vivid blueish purple, and had bled a surprising amount. What the heck is going on here?

On a completely different note, if you haven't seen it, I really recommend having a look at Chris' blogroll on Type 1 Tidbits - it's the most fun and creative blogroll I've seen.

Posted by Becky at 23:45 | Labels: injecting, nablopomo | 3 comments |

I've made no big secret of the fact that I use very small amounts of insulin. My ratios are tiny. I use 1:25carbs in the morning, and 1:35 in the evening, with only 3u of Lantus. Quite often this gets a huge reaction of -cue shockface- 'Whoa, those are TINY amounts!'. Yes, I realise that.

I've always put my small insulin requirements down to the honeymoon period. But the idea has been recently put to me that maybe the honeymoon ended whilst I was looking the other way, and I'm just incredibly insulin sensitive. 

Now there's a thinker. So far I've been approaching this whole thing with the attitude of 'it's awkward and frustrating, but it will end.'. The frustrations of carb counting with massive ratios, and feeling like there's not much that I can do to make any sort of adjustments. Even with a demi pen, it's a bit like trying to crack a nut with a sledge hammer. Or getting rid of adorable truffling pigs for a JCB. At any rate, similes aside, if this isn't going to change any time soon, I might have to do a massive rethink, and possibly a bit of soul-searching. 

My control generally isn't bad. I have a HbA1c that I'm happy enough with (6.2% at last check), and according to my meter, I'm mostly on target. But I'm working hard to keep it that way. You all know this, you never stop working. It's tiring. 

I've also not really hidden that I'm not amazingly keen on the idea of pumping. However, there's a part of me that is thinking that the tiny amounts you can bolus by would be a good idea. But I just can't shake the fact that I don't want to be tethered to something 24/7. It would just feel like a constant reminder of diabetes to me. 

This is awfully vain of me as well, but I don't know how sexy I would feel with a pump. I feel sexy maybe 10-15% of the time, so I worry about diminishing that 10-15%.

If anyone has any opinions on whether pumping is something I should think over some more? I have an appointment with my DSN coming up in the next month or so - I can bring it up with her then. But I'd just love some thoughts on the matter.

Posted by Becky at 20:53 | Labels: appointments, HbA1C, honeymoon, injecting, nablopomo, pumps | 8 comments |

There was an interesting discussion on Diabetes Support today, about whether people were actually taught how to inject by practising on oranges, or if this was just a myth. Now personally, after I came off the sliding scale - delivered by what I believe to be a syringe driver - scary looking piece of equipment when you're not actually sure what it is, by the way - after I came off that, I did my first injection myself. Novomix 30, into my arm. No oranges for me. I can't imagine what advantages there would have been to me learning that way. I think it would have frightened me more, and built it up to be this huge thing that had to have lots and lots of practice before I was able to do it. Also, this might be me, but I can't see how oranges and skin would actually have that much in common - much more effort to get a needle through an orange than through skin, surely?

Also as a separate topic, I've found myself thinking about all the news articles you see about research into diabetes. It's always on mice. I'm not for animal testing for frivolous reasons (ie, cosmetics, etc), and I'm definitely anti-cruelty. But I do see a need for testing medicines on animals, even if I wish we didn't have to. All the same though, if you had to be an animal with diabetes, wouldn't it be great to be a mouse? Research into curing Type 1 in mice seems to be quite extensive.

Just a thought...

Posted by Becky at 22:14 | Labels: injecting, nablopomo, type 1 | 6 comments |

The 'kitteh' (yes, I am fluent in lol-speak, but it is so against my nature to spell poorly on purpose!) says 'hai!'. I however, want to talk about thighs. More specifically....erm, my thighs. Which is a bit of a weird start to a post. 

I inject in my stomach pretty much exclusively. When I started injecting, I didn't want to, because I found it strange, and I wanted to inject in my arms. Now, as I say, it needs a very good reason for me to not inject in my stomach. 

It's warm at the moment, and that's lovely. It does mean that I want to wear skirts and dresses more though. I'm not a big one for skirts and dresses. I love my jeans, which lend themselves to injecting in the stomach. Skirts aren't too hard to overcome. Dresses on the other hand? Now those I find awkward. I was rather thrilled when I was at my work's Christmas party, whilst wearing a rather lovely dress, that (the still wonderful and amazing) Jenny told me I didn't need to leave the table to inject before dinner, as I was puzzling out how to inject without either shooting into my arms, or leaving to lift up my dress. She helped me be subtle with some shielding from napkins and the tablecloth. Problem sorted. 

I'm wearing a dress today, and I was trying to work out how to inject in my stomach. The conclusion I came to was that I couldn't. There was no way I was going to go into a toilet to inject, and I couldn't lift my dress in the office. I can't seem to juggle things right to inject into my arms. So that really left my thighs. Dress is just above the knee, so it's a perfectly acceptable and decent thing to do.

Was it easy? Not too difficult. Was it comfortable? Not really. I wasn't confident that it was definitely fat that I was injecting into. Trust me, my thighs are not short of fat to inject into, but knowing me, I'm bound to get it wrong. But my worry is that if I'm constantly injecting into my stomach, I'll end up with the fatty lumps that you get from injecting into the same place repeatedly.  So I guess whilst the weather is encouraging me to wear dresses, it's also encouraging me to try and get the hang of this thigh thing.

Posted by Becky at 23:57 | Labels: friends, heat, injecting, nablopomo, type 1 | 1 comments |

We had cake in the office again today. I was 'good', and did not partake. However, I decided that in honour of the fact it is no longer absolutely freezing, I wanted ice cream. I have just finished it, and it was very good. 

Before diabetes, my diet wasn't exactly a shining example of excellent nutrition. It wasn't awful, don't get me wrong. But I probably would have had the cake, and also had the ice cream, and not given it a second thought. Now, on the other hand, I didn't have the cake, because it was a (pretty great looking) home made cake, and I wasn't confident that I could come up with a decent carb estimate. And I weighed the ice cream. My scales are pretty good friends now. They're out all the time on my kitchen table, and if I'm at home, I weigh most things. Cereal, pasta (ice cream). Not rice for some reason - I've never worked out why I don't weight that. I'm strange? That seems like the most realistic reason. 

I hear a lot of people saying 'insulin makes you gain weight'. I don't understand this, myself.  It could be because I've re-evaluated my diet, portion size control and exercise, but I've continued to lose weight. I may be naive about it, but I don't see why there's any reason that you would put on weight, if there aren't extra factors involved.  I know that insulin helps you turn unused carbohydrates to fat, but so does insulin in everyone non-diabetic, surely? I don't think that you can accuse diabetes for that? If you were eating and not burning off the same amount of carbs, it would make you put on weight regardless of whether or not you have diabetes.

Now I don't want anyone to think that I'm having a go at people who struggle with their weight. That would be unbelievably hypocritical of me, as someone who has a lot of issues with her size, and has battled with issues with food. I just find this thing confusing, and haven't really seen any scientific proof that insulin makes you gain weight, rather than it being what you're putting in your mouth. I would be both happy and extremely interested to read any studies anyone could point me to, though!

I definitely think about food differently now, though. I'm starting to build up a mental guide to how much carb is in many items. A glass of juice, a slice of bread, half a tin of baked beans, my usual portion of pasta. I'm nowhere near fluent in the 'language' of carb values yet. I used to sleep with my radio on when I was younger. This meant that I acquired a rather sponge-like ability to soak up music and lyrics. I'm rather encyclopaedic, which you'll know if you've ever met me in real life. Maybe I need to make a song out of all of this?

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As a little side note, I'm guest blogging today for Kerri over at Six Until Me. Thanks for having me, Kerri! A big welcome to you as well, if this is the first time you've read INI, after seeing me there. You're most welcome, and feel free to say hi!

Posted by Becky at 23:19 | Labels: cake, cooking, food, INI let loose, injecting, insulin, nablopomo | 2 comments |

I know I can't speak for everyone over here, but I have found the last few days in the UK to be extremely stressful. So it was a real treat to go down to the river today to help celebrate my friend Anna's birthday.

I don't know if I'm the only person this has ever happened to, but I never really learned to ride a bicycle as a child. Shocking, I know.I kind of taught myself, but when I outgrew the bike I had at that point, I never got another. But shortly before I was diagnosed, I bought myself a second hand bike, and was determined to learn how to ride it. Andrew has been teaching me - something I'm sure he regrets doing. I'm not a fast or patient learner, it turns out! It also seems that the old adage isn't true - you do forget the basics, as falling off a bunch of times, and nearly riding into walls, trees, the river and people has shown me. 

Well, I haven't been 'riding' in about a year, since about this time last year I was pretty distracted with diagnosis, and Stage Managing Shrew in the summer. Then winter came, and it was long. I wasn't overly inspired to go out and continue learning in that sort of weather. So being as I was so rubbish generally, I was surprised that, when I suggested we cycled down to Anna's party, I was actually not too bad! Until I tried to gracefully duck under some bunting when we got there, drove into the back wheel of Andrew's bike, and came right off. Graceful, no?

That besides, since this was picnic food, I decided to take a different approach than normal. As you generally want to graze, rather than pick all your food out at once in this sort of environment (or at least, I know I do), I thought I would try eating first, injecting later. I did go a bit carb crazy, I have to admit. Bread with brie, some cookies, some pringles, mini scones. Very naughty, and I was expecting at least a double figure score. But scores came in at 7.5mmol/l. Huh...that was weird. I tested a few more times, and when I got home, and I didn't go above 8.9mmol/l (160 mg/dl) My only conclusion is that I must have burned off a lot more energy cycling than I'd anticipated.

Anyway, it was warm and sunny for the most part, and everyone seemed to have fun. We saluted all the boats going down the river, to see how many we could get to do the same. My personal favourite was the person who sang back at us. That was great fun. Inspired by others doing the same, I also decided to attempt something else that I'd not tried before - climbing trees. 

I was not good at this either. I've mentioned before that I'm not really ladylike. But all the same, the lack of grace with which this was accomplished was quite extraordinary. Andrew ended up climbing the same tree in advance, whilst our friend Ivan helped me by letting me get up on his shoulders. Like I say, graceful. Getting down was easier, but as Andrew pointed out, gravity does work in your favour that way.

We also raced paper boats up the river. I managed to pick the only one with a giant tear in it. So I dubbed it the Titanic. How surprising that it should then go on to win the race.

We cycled back home, which felt a much bigger effort than getting there had. But rounding off this rather lovely, relaxed day is drinking some hot chocolate and watching Elf on DVD. Scores have all been good today. Sometimes you just need a day off.

Posted by Becky at 23:39 | Labels: being thankful, biking, food, friends, injecting, nablopomo, numberwang | 0 comments |

A fortnight ago, I was fortunate enough to go down to London to take part in festivities for the second birthday of the fabulous Circle D. I had a really wonderful time, despite feeling very rough. The sun shone, and I got to meet some fabulous people, including Northerner from  'Poems from Active Diabetics', Tom from Diabetes Dramas et al, and Siobhan from Click of the Light. It was about as close to a UK Dbloggers meet as we could hope for, really, when it was actually for something else!

Tom has recently become the (extremely) proud owner of an insulin pump. The last time we met, which was in York in March, Tom had said that he would bring me an infusion site to try wearing, so that I could see what I thought of the whole thing. 

Well, he did. And we filmed it, whilst getting the dirty stink eye from a woman opposite us. Siobhan is doing the camera work, and I ask you to forgive me for the following:

A: Being extremely nervous

B: Laughing rather hysterically

C: Being a complete wuss.

The London meet in itself was interesting. I had never had the opportunity to see an insulin pump before. So it was very educational to meet several people there who were all more than happy to show me theirs. On the whole, they were smaller, lighter, and more discreet than I had anticipated them being. I have very small hands, and yet most of them fitted in my palm.

So at the end of the day, I went away with this on, and proceeded to leave it in for the three days that I'd been told was appropriate. 

It was a very strange experience. After Tom had put the site in, it didn't hurt, like I thought it might, rather I found it itchy. I don't know whether my skin didn't like the adhesive on the tape, but it itched. 

Tom had also given me a shower cap for it, so I wasn't wearing the tubing attached to nothing. It would have been another thing I would have been interested in doing, but wearing the tubing attached to nothing just seemed stupid. So I kept the shower cap on. And I showered, and slept and went about my daily business with it on. I intrigued/freaked out/enlightened people (delete as appropriate for the different reactions) with the site. 

I was terrified of getting the thing wet, or ripping it out accidentally whilst I was asleep. But neither of these things happened, as was proved by I woke up with it still attached, and showering was fine. But I was still conscious that it was there for about 70% of the time. I know that means that 30% of the time I didn't care, or completely forgot, and you would probably get over that if you were actually wearing a pump, not just flirting with the site. One other thing I would hope you'd get over is the urge I found to play with the site. Mostly taking the shower cap on and off. But then again, I'm a compulsive fidgeter. I play with keys, I chew and pull out my hair, and up until recently, I was a terrible nail biter. I don't know whether that would marry well with something like a pump that you shouldn't really fidget with.

What I was really afraid of though, was taking the site out. I didn't have anyone to help me with that! Was it going to hurt? Could I do it 'wrong' and accidentally leave something in? I was all set to see if I could find something on YouTube to help me, but I thought I'd give it a go solo first, and seek help if I ran into problems.

Well it seems I had built it up in my mind to be this huge thing, which it wasn't at all. It didn't hurt me any more than removing a plaster. I was surprised to see blood in it, but I don't know why. Makes perfect sense, really. The thing that really had me slapping my forehead and feeling like a prize idiot though, was the fact that what I was removing was actually NOT a needle. Of course it wasn't! But I had always believed that there was a needle inside the infusion site. Like I say, my contact with pumps had been virtually non-existent, and not being in active pursuit of acquiring one myself, I somehow had this misconception. Why would there be a needle? It would be far too easy for it to break off inside you, which would be perfectly horrifying. I guess that goes to show you that anyone can get the wrong idea about something, being as I consider myself fairly well informed on most things diabetes-related. 

But will this experience, which allayed an awful lot of my fears surrounding pumps, convince me to seek one out for myself? I don't think so. I find the whole thing fascinating, I totally support those out there who are after a pump for themselves, and maybe in a couple of years I'll join them. I can see the pros. I'm getting tired of injecting, because my technique seems to have got a bit rubbish as of late, and I'm finding it hard to find a spot or an angle which doesn't hurt. Yet, I don't think I'd be ready any time soon to make the leap of being tethered to something 24/7.

I'm currently taking part in a course at my hospital called 'Living With Type 1 Diabetes' (catchy!), and apparently we're going to get a chance to have a look at some pumps, and talk to a couple of people using them. So my pump education continues!

Posted by Becky at 20:07 | Labels: friends, INI let loose, injecting, nablopomo, pumps, reviews, sieve brain moments, technology, vlogging | 6 comments |

I've been spotting a bit of a trend lately. I've been seeing people in all different places online who are, for various reasons, starting using insulin. Some are newly diagnosed Type 1's. More are Type 2's who have progressed onto requiring insulin. This isn't the trend I'm referring to though. What I have spotted is that there seems to be a lot of negative feelings associated with this.

I hear 'failure', 'guilt', 'my fault', and 'bad'. It seems that insulin has acquired a stigma. As though it is some sort of punishment for misbehaving. This makes me really very sad. 

Starting using insulin can be scary. It can be frightening, especially if you're not sure what to expect. I can appreciate that, I really, can. I remember how unnatural it felt to insert a needle into my arm for the very first time, all the while thinking 'I'm sure my parents, countless teachers, and 'special' episodes of TV shows told me that this sort of thing was a bad idea'. I remember sitting on the floor of my living room the first evening after being discharged from hospital, and having to do my first completely solo injection. I believe I even said aloud 'I'm not sure that I can do this'. 

But do you know what? You do it. Some people might cry, some might shout and rage, but the world will keep on turning, and the second time simply can't be as bad as the first. You've done it once before - there's no reason that you can't do it again. It will never be fun. There won't be a full musical number, or kittens and rainbows. I'd love it if there was. I'm a big musical nerd, adore kittens, and everyone likes a rainbow. But there won't be. At the end of the day, you're putting a needle into yourself. However, there is a positive to all this. It's what you're injecting in.

It's not made of gold, or starlight, or pixie dust, but insulin is a little bit magic, when you get down to the nitty gritty. We didn't always have this option - the simple fact that we do have the ability to inject, and control the way we do is close to a miracle in my eyes. All you need to do is think for a moment about the time before insulin, and then, for an instant, it does take on the qualities of pixie dust.

I know the journey for Type 2, and I suppose that of people with LADA as well, onto insulin is bound to be different to mine. I didn't really have that delay, that time of building up the event in my mind to be this huge thing. It was either have insulin there and then, or wait a day (it seemed as thought it only would have been one day more, from the way they talked to me about it), come in unconscious in a coma and have insulin then. It was as blunt as that.

But if you've got a longer journey, possibly starting with diet and exercise, then medication, then finally to be told that insulin is what's needed?  I can see how one could try blaming themselves. The thoughts of 'I mustn't have tried hard enough', 'I've done something wrong', or 'this is my fault'? Very understandable, but if you're thinking that, do you want to know a dirty little secret?

It's not your fault, and you're not to blame. Some things just don't work for some people, and you've got to look down a different road for the control. It's nothing shameful, injecting is nothing to be embarrassed about, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. 

Otherwise let me at them, and I'll set them straight.

Posted by Becky at 22:48 | Labels: advocacy, being thankful, diagnosis, guilt, injecting, insulin, type 1, type 2 | 4 comments |

Things are changing over in pancreas land. Up until now, I have been living in a state well known to many as the Honeymoon Period. To those not in the know, it means my poor wheezing pancreas is having one long swan song before it retires permanently. Which everyone keeps telling me is a good thing. I'm sure that they're right. Of course there are pros to not using as much insulin. On the flip side, however, it makes carb-counting virtually impossible. 

I've been working on the ratio of 1 unit of NovoRapid to every 35g of carb up until now, with 2u of Lantus.  This is where I pause for a moment, whilst there is a strong chance that you just went (mentally or out loud) 'Whoa, those are tiny amounts of insulin!'. Why do I think you probably said that? That would be because, making a rough guess, maybe one in two or three people that I talk to about my doses has that exact reaction. Even when I went on a carb counting skills workshop, my (otherwise wonderful) dietician said pretty much that. Just to rant for a moment, yes, I know those are small amounts of insulin. I'm very much aware of it. I'm always rather surprised when people tell you something that it should be pretty clear that you already know. OK, rant done.

Over the past week or so, that ratio hasn't really been working for me any more. I began scoring lots of double figures, and couldn't get myself below 8mmol/l some days. Further maths means I am currently working with three different ratios. A breakfast one of 1:20, a lunchtime of 1:25, and an evening of 1:35. I've also added an extra unit on my Lantus. So far, this seems to be working without too many errors. Only had the one hypo recently, and again this is good. 

But it looks like the Honeymoon could be coming to an end. Or so it seems. But it's been all I've known so far, rocky as it has been. I'd be curious to know how anyone else out there  coped with this. Was it gradual or sudden for you? Enquiring minds want to know...

Posted by Becky at 23:44 | Labels: bolus, honeymoon, hypos, injecting, type 1 | 4 comments |

We have another company using our theatre space at the moment. As a thank you, they brought in chocolates. And left them on my desk. It's like they were watching me. So I drew eyes on them. Shame that I chose to do it in a permanent marker that soaked through the paper and on to my desk. That meant getting out the meths. 

On reflection, I'm not sure it was worth it. 

Today has been a bit rubbish. A post lunch 9mmol/l was followed with my attempting to overcome a 3.7 by force of will alone. Seemed to work, as came in at 4-5mmol/l, which is fine. But I spent the follow two to three hours in a horrid state. I was unbelievably hot, and I felt like my skin was crawling. I couldn't concentrate on anything, and all I actually wanted to do was hide under my desk and cry. I was angry at everything, and I didn't want to answer the phone or the door. 

So because we had a show in with an early start, I had to eat dinner early as well. But as soon as I'd injected my NovoRapid, I realised a potentially huge problem with being over building capacity. This had to be solved, and had to be done in ten minutes, as that's when NR tends to kick in on me. Now, obviously I could have solved this issue by drinking some juice, sorting out the problem and then bolusing again for my meal. But I wasn't exactly thinking straight. 

After eating, my two hour post test comes in at 12.6 mmol/l. Fantastic. Sort that out with a two mile walk home. But due to early dinner, I'm now hungry again. What a fantastic day.

Posted by Becky at 23:50 | Labels: bolus, d365, food, hypos, injecting, nablopomo, numberwang, sieve brain moments, testing, type 1, work | 2 comments |

I was going to vlog today. I still plan to vlog, but not today. Now I am tired.

I felt like a bit of a moron this morning. I'd forgotten to sort out food for breakfast, so scrounged what I had, including some Innocent Smoothie. I thought I had it sussed. I knew what the carbs were, I remembered where 250mls was on the glass, and all was well and jolly. 

Then I did my two-hour post breakfast test. First test - 17! Then two at around 14mmol/l (259 mg/dl), which made me realise what I'd done wrong.

Yes, I had poured 250ml of liquid. But the figures I knew for smoothie were for 100ml. When I'd been measuring 250ml it had been for an experiment with carb counting for fruit juice. 

So yes, I felt stupid. Really stupid. It was a proper head-meets-desk moment. If I'd thought about it for 30 seconds longer, I could have probably averted that. But what was even worse was that I felt rubbish for the rest of the day. I felt like I was recovering from a really bad hypo all day.

So well done me.

Posted by Becky at 22:44 | Labels: bolus, d365, food, guilt, injecting, nablopomo, numberwang, sieve brain moments | 1 comments |

So I'm doing my Lantus tonight, but I notice that there's an air bubble floating at the top. So I decide to do a 2u air shot.

Andrew was sat next to me and said 'Now, don't you think that's cool?'. I guess he's right - air shots are a little bit fun. However, he did then go on to point out that there was now insulin on the carpet. 

But it made me think. Lantus comes in a 'solostar' pen. I wonder if that does make me a bit of a rockstar from time to time? Hey, there are plenty of us out there. I'm not a part of it (yet), but there's even a whole site called Diabetic Rockstar. Now, in the literal 'rockstar' sense, I play guitar, albeit extremely badly. This isn't my guitar in the picture, for the record. That's Andrew's guitar Lucy (who is one of many). Mine is an electro-acoustic called Cassie, who I don't play nearly often enough, sadly. I'm aiming to carry out a project with Cassie that my poor, battered fingers probably aren't going to be too impressed with. But in the 'Diabetic Rockstar' sense? What do I think makes a rockstar? I guess someone who carries on regardless of what's thrown at her. 

I watched 'School of Rock' last night, because it was one of my birthday presents. Jack Black says rock and roll is about 'sticking it to the man'. In this case, I guess the man is diabetes. And if sticking it to the man means trying my hardest to keep this thing in check, then yeah baby, I'm rock and roll.

Posted by Becky at 23:40 | Labels: d365, injecting, nablopomo, type 1 | 0 comments |

Ah the things we do at work. It's been a strange (and fun) few days, really. And it's in stark comparison to this time last year. I'm pretty sure that over the next month or so, I'll come back to this theme again. It's heading up to my first D-Birthday, which will be 1st May. But the journey to my D-Birthday, in my mind, begins with my actual birthday. Which, for the record, is today. 

Last year, I remember feeling distinctly unwell around the time of my birthday. I looked back on pictures of last year's joint party, and the day after, and for some of them I look OK. But the morning after, when I'd taken off the make-up, I looked grey. And no, I wasn't hungover. I'm not a big drinker. I wonder a lot about that time. I'd been feeling ill, and now I think, was that the start of it all? Or was that what started it? And I guess really there's no way to ever know for sure. 

What I do remember was having no real energy to party. I went home relatively early, and nearly fell asleep when we moved from the restaurant to a club. I felt sick, and wanted to sleep. So, I went home and slept. 

On the day of my actual birthday, I went home to my parents' place in the afternoon. When I came home after the weekend, I remember saying on the phone to my Mum that I was unbelievably thirsty, and couldn't work out why. I believe in the end we put it down to a packet of crisps that we hadn't tried before. 

What a difference a year makes, as I say. When we went out on Wednesday, I carb counted out pretty much perfectly, which was very satisfying. Then we went to try and find somewhere to get a drink. At 23:00, I found myself sat on the steps of the Hilton, doing my Lantus, as a police van drove past, finding the scene hilarious. Today, I went and had sushi for lunch, and had my chin painted by the graphic designer who works upstairs from us for photographs for a children's theatre festival.

Rather different, as I say.

Posted by Becky at 22:44 | Labels: bolus, d365, diagnosis, food, friends, injecting, nablopomo, type 1, work | 2 comments |

If you read yesterday's post, you'll have seen that I was all dressed up with somewhere to go. I was off out for a joint birthday party with my lovely friend, Jenny. Both our birthdays are this week, so it has made sense, for the past few years, that we split the difference and do a joint thing between the two days. 

So off we went to Sanctuary. Now, this really is one of my favourite restaurants in York. It has been for a while now, since I went there for another friend's birthday a couple of years ago. It's a very quirky little place. And when I say little, it's because well, it is. You can't fit a huge number of people in there. But whilst in a lot of other places this might seem like a bad thing, here it seems like nothing of the sort. Full of candles, beautiful flowers and soft lights, it reminds me of being in someone's home. Which I think the building may have been at some point in the past. It wasn't really practical last night, but I know in the summer, there's a lovely garden out the back as well, where you can sit and eat. 

The whole place feels very welcoming, as are the staff. I'd rung up in advance to arrange the whole thing, and they were nothing but accommodating throughout. We changed the numbers? Not a problem. I remembered two of our party were dairy-free? Didn't even faze them. Another dessert is added to the menu (since we were ordering in advance), and all the dairy-free options are marked on the menu. And whilst we're on the subject of the menu, I can't praise the food highly enough. And that is rather important when we're talking about a restaurant, naturally!

They'd put together a party menu for us, with two courses for just under £15.00, and three courses for just under £19.00. Hey, this was a birthday celebration (and I LOVE their food), so I decided to suck it up and ordered three. Tempura battered tiger prawns with sweet chilli jam. Supreme of chicken, wrapped in Parma ham on a thyme risotto. And a chocolate brownie with handmade praline and pecan ice cream. Oh yes, it was WONDERFUL.

But what was the best part of the evening for me? Well, I'm having some rather botched attempts at trying to carb count at the moment. I'd decided to split my injection, and do a second one before I had my dessert. I had my ever faithful Collins Gem Carb Counter with me, but of course, I didn't know the weight of the brownie. So I went up and asked. I told them that I knew it was a bit of a weird request, but did they know how much it weighed? Apparently yes, it was a bit of a weird question, but as soon as I'd explained that I was a type 1 diabetic, and I was trying to work out how much insulin to take to cover it, a light clearly came on. It wasn't a problem, they could go and weigh it for me. Was there a certain weight that I wanted? Was there anything else I'd like to know about the recipe?

My WORD. That was so utterly refreshing, that I don't think I took a grin off my face for a good half an hour. I went and sat back down, and someone came over and told me the weight, and when I was actually served, they'd made a note which one was for me, so that I was certain to get the right facts. Finding a restaurant that is willing to accommodate your requests, and understands that you're not just being picky or awkward is wonderful!

Oh, and the Diet Coke is definitely diet. And if you ever have a problem with a drink, they'll most certainly change it. I went there once when there had been a problem with the line, and the drink had separated the fizz from the flavour, or something to that end. Swapped with an apology the moment I brought it up. That's service for you.

Oh, and the food is local. Much of it is organic. Lots of stuff is FairTrade. In a word, I love this place. I very much recommend that you go there if you're ANYWHERE nearby. Sanctuary by name, also very much sanctuary by nature. I promise you won't be disappointed!

Posted by Becky at 23:42 | Labels: cake, d365, food, friends, injecting, nablopomo, type 1 | 3 comments |

Oh, come on. You know the rest. You don't need me to fill in the blanks. 

So I'm at my Mum and Dad's house at the moment. It's my birthday next week, and this is the closest we were all free for me to come and spend the weekend. So here I am.

I thought I was doing really well as I packed up my things. Took the demipen AND the flexpen, just in case something went wrong with the former. Opened a new pot of test strips, refilled my Glucotabs, and put some mini Mars Bars in my handbag. And because I'm always paranoid about getting stuck on a broken down train (as this has happened to me many, many times in the past, for several hours sometimes), I'd put a snack pack of pretzels in there as well. You know, just in case. 

I tend to pack the world in my handbag. If you don't believe me, I very much suggest watching my first ever attempt at vlogging, in which I join in a blog meme, and go 'handbag diving'. But right now, I know there are hair bobbles, hand gel, a sewing kit, two pocket packs of tissues (one plain, one with eucalyptus oil), paracetamol, chewing gum, several pens...well, the list is extensive. But it appears I was not quite as zealous when putting my needles into my testing kit. 

I counted off my meals - Friday dinner, Saturday, breakfast, lunch, dinner. Sunday breakfast, lunch. Home in time for evening meal. 

Now, the attentive amongst you will have already spotted the flaw in this. Where are the needles for the Lantus? Surely that's quite important? Well, you'd be right. I hadn't thought to factor those needles into my packing. You see, the last time that I went anywhere for more than an overnight stop, I wasn't using my Lantus pens. So I didn't need to think about that. Things do, of course, change. But of course, this thought did not occur to me until I had pulled out of York train station, where it was naturally far too late to do anything about it. 

So, in a panic, I pull out my meter case, and count out the needles I had on me. Thankfully, it turns out I have enough on me. Why? Because although I hadn't thought to put the needles in for the Lantus, I had, in my backwards logic, thought to throw in some extras in case on of the others turned out to be clogged. Because, of course you don't want to be caught out in a situation like that...

By the way, if you do see my brain, or a reconditioned model that looks like it could work, please do let me know.

Posted by Becky at 23:22 | Labels: bolus, d365, injecting, nablopomo, sieve brain moments, type 1, vlogging | 2 comments |

I had a new toy arrive in the post today. A Novopen Demi, courtesy of my friendly DSN. I've been thinking that a half unit pen would be helpful for me to attempt better carb counting, rather than just aim for meals in carb value increments of 35g, 70g, 105g and so on. 

So because they don't seem to do flexpens in half unit increments, I've had to switch to cartridges. Flipping heck, my prescription came in (without TOO much hassle for once!) with three boxes of five cartridges. At the moment, I'm lucky if I get through a flexpen a month - I usually end up having to throw it out with at least 100u left in it. The waste bothers me no end, but that's another story. Fifteen cartridges? If my insulin usage carries on at the same rate it is now, that should theoretically last me over a year! Not having to order any NovoRapid for a year? Now that's a thinker.

Anyway, my comments on this at the moment. It's heavy. The flexpen weighs next to nothing, but this thing is metal and bulky, rather than plastic and light. I suppose it's better for the environment that way. It also doesn't have the initial '0.5u' step that I was really hoping for. But hey, I did 1.5u rather than 2u tonight, and it seemed to work OK. 

But I've got to get on with it - although I've got best part of a box of flexpens left, I have now apparently had them taken off my prescription, so I've no choice, really!

Posted by Becky at 23:36 | Labels: bolus, d365, injecting, nablopomo | 2 comments |

I woke up yesterday morning, and it looked extremely bright and sunny. Almost spring-like, in fact. But oh no, I wasn't going to be fooled by THAT one again. However, by the time I was walking to work, I had taken off my gloves, my scarf, my hat, and undone my coat. But come the evening, it was freezing again.

So this morning, I wanted to be slightly more optimistic that, for the day at least, it was going to stay warm. So I left my big furry russian-style hat at home, chose a beanie hat instead, and left my gloves in my handbag. But as soon as I'd walked out the door, it was cold. The pond was frozen over, and weirdly enough, there was some very light snow on portions of the grass. But then I walked out of the shade, and it was actually quite warm. 

What the heck is going on? Would the weather please make up its mind? I don't know what to expect half the time, and it's getting on my nerves!

I had my annual review at clinic today, and much like the weather, I wasn't sure what to expect from it, and hadn't quite figured out what to think about the whole thing. Despite this now being nearly a complete day eleven of my hypo-free streak, I'd been having lots of hypos prior to that, between one and three a day, most days. So I wasn't quite sure what that would have done to my A1c. 

But I went along, and aside from the fact that I was shocked to see 'Deal or no Deal' on the waiting area television, rather than children's shows for once, I didn't have to wait too long. I apparently now weigh eleven and a half stone, which is the lightest I have been in quite some time.

My HbA1c has gone up a little bit from 6.0 to 6.2. I'm not too bothered about this, it's still acceptable. I asked about getting a demi-pen, and my DSN is going to ring me about that tomorrow. So it looks like I might be switching to cartridges. I'm still not 100% sure how I feel about this though.

But on the whole, the outlook is generally clear.

Posted by Becky at 23:43 | Labels: appointments, HbA1C, injecting, nablopomo, type 1 | 0 comments |

It's taken me more than a week, but I've reached Day Seven. I said on Day One that I would come to the Sin that I am most guilty of soon enough. And here we are.

I've always been the jealous type. I'm not proud of it, but it's true. It probably comes from the fact that I'm fundamentally insecure about so many things. I'm used to being second best. Second choice. 

So feeling envious is familiar territory. It's nothing new to me. I try to restrain it, but it's difficult. These days I find myself thinking how to rationalise being envious of someone because a part of them isn't broken. How do you make sense of the fact that some days you find yourself resenting people because one of their organs works properly? And there is only one real answer. You can't. Because it doesn't make any sense. 

I'll be honest - I never really appreciated how great an organ my pancreas was. I suppose it's like they say, you don't know what you've got til it's gone. But now there's an awful lot I would do to get it back. 

Watching people eating without worrying about how many grams of carb is in what they're putting in their mouth. Having pasta in the middle of the day, or eating garlic bread with it? Carb on carb? A total no-no. And then from time to time finding yourself jealous of other diabetics who have proper carb-to-insulin ratios, rather than the botched attempt of trying to guess things that you have. Of people on pumps who can bolus easily, even though it makes no sense to be envious of them because you don't even WANT a pump. 

The days that you're sick and tired of your fingers hurting, and injecting. Of thinking about every mouthful of food, and what it might do to you. Of not just being able to put off lunch for a half hour, because it might send you hypo. And if it turns out to be a bad one, it could ruin your afternoon. 

It's a bit like a fungus that grows inside of you. It doesn't feel good, and it doesn't actually help a thing. But it's hard to get rid of. It's like a monster, a shadow that just doesn't want to leave.

Random person eating a packet of my favourite crisps? I'm jealous of you, because I want those crisps. And I want your pancreas. There are moments when I almost hate you. And that makes me sad, because I don't hate. I can dislike, and I do. Strongly. But you, random person with the working pancreas? I could never say to you what I feel. Because you'd think I was crazy. But the thing is, I'm not. At least in my eyes. 

I'm not crazy. I'm just missing something I used to have that made me able to do all the things you still do.

Posted by Becky at 00:38 | Labels: bolus, food, hypos, injecting, type 1 | 1 comments |