Instructions Not Included

Posted by Becky at 23:46 | Labels: dblog week | 0 comments |

Weirdly, my last couple of posts have been about the things that get me really fired up. Bad, bad jokes and how they aren't as funny as one might initially think, and my current branch of advocacy, and how that gets me positively fired up, rather than just simply angry.

So I'm having to think hard about what I want to say here. Partially because I've had about a week and a half now of just awful levels - I can't seem to keep down in range (or even close), and I'm worn down, and partly because I feel that whatever I'm going to say is almost certainly being said better elsewhere. 

But then I thought more about how I'm feeling. Right now. Because of what D is throwing at me. Not physically, but emotionally. 

I feel sad. And a bit useless. And flat. And empty. And then all the words come out. Those words that attach to feelings that I don't always like to talk about. Because those words can take me to dark places, and that's a bit like balancing on a see-saw for me. 

This is a confession to you - reader, on the internet, and by proxy pretty much anyone who feels like seeing this. So basically the whole world. Potentially, anyway. I've not always had the easiest ride with emotional, and yes, I suppose mental health. I'm prone to long periods of what feels like 'empty balloon time' to me. Where all the puff, all the wind, the air, whatever it is that keeps me up and going, goes away. I can cope with a day of the blues, but I know what a day of the blue is compared to empty balloon time. When I'm just in a bad mood or a bit low, or, like today, I can pick up a book in a shop and start crying because, yes, that says exactly what I'm feeling just now (Michael Rosen's Sad Book, if you want to know. It's about death, but he describes sadness and emptiness in such an honest way). 

And I think all of this has a lot to do with the fact I'm running really high for an extended period of time. It messes with me emotionally, but though D might be the cause, my feelings are still my own, and having and admitting them is not something I should be ashamed of. But I'm not ON my own. I am by no means the only one with feelings like this, or with struggles that are even worse. 

Diabetes doesn't exactly give us time off. It's there all the time, even at the inconvenient moments, nudging away, wanting attention. I don't think it's surprising that people with diabetes are nearly twice as likely to experience mental health issues like depression or anxiety. It's also why I think it's important that we can admit that, hey it's not always easy. 

It's also why I respect and admire the work of all the team behind the You Can Do This Project. Like I said, we should never be ashamed of feelings that are less than 'shiny'. None of us are any less of a person for feeling negative feelings. At least that's what I'm telling myself today.

And honestly, this was not the post I was intending to write. I'm 100% sure where it came from. Which means it was probably exactly the post I needed to write.

 

 

Posted by Becky at 18:50 | Labels: dblog week, hypers | 1 comments |

Ah yes, here we are again. May Day. Common associations involve May Queens, maypole dancing, and for me, my diaversary. This year, five years. Wow, that's come and gone fast. I know that my blogging has got very, shall we say, sparse, but I thought this one was definitely worth marking. 

I thought about the sort of anniversary that your fifth anniversary is. If it was your wedding anniversary, the common gift is, according to the internet, wood. Now I thought that was especially poignant as I had been working on something else to bring you.

You might remember that back at the end of last year, I posted about finally starting to produce my own theatre under the name White Tree Theatre. Trees. Wood. See what I did there? Thematic linking, oh yes I think so! I talked about working on my one woman show about D advocacy, using the same name as this blog. 

Well it happened. And it was well received. So what I'm letting you know today is that, amongst my other diaversary day activities (which involved meeting a waitress who was a pump user during my lunch, and more attempts at gardening which ended badly), I finally managed to make a trailer for the show out of the recording that was made. 

It's not a great quality recording - I wasn't really doing the performance for camera, but you can hear everything, and what's more, you can hear audience reaction. It's just a little taste of what happened. 

I do have the whole thing recorded - it runs at about 40 minutes. I also have one of the Q&A sessions that I ran after the performance captured. I will be uploading an edited version of the Q&A in the next couple of days, and I can share the full performance recording on request. 

The really exciting thing, at least for me, is that since I performed it the first time back in November, I've had several people ask me how they can get me to come to their event. So what I'm doing is saying - ask me. Start a discussion. If I can get there, I'll try my hardest to come. If this show can help you or your community, I want to help.   

I've posted more information about what the show needs to operate on this page. Please feel free to pass the information forward if you can think of someone who might want to know about this. 

Five years. Yikes. Here goes year six, I suppose. 

Posted by Becky at 23:05 | Labels: advocacy, theatre | 1 comments |

I consider myself to be a fairly well read and educated person. I'm also surrounded by a lot of very well educated, well informed and well read people an awful lot of the time. Sometimes it seems that however well educated and well informed a person is, you can still find things that surprise you.

Case in point - I read A Christmas Carol when I around twelve years old, and thoroughly enjoyed it. As adaptations of the book go, I maintain that The Muppet Christmas Carol is one of the best, even though I'm thoroughly aware it makes plenty of changes - it feels the most faithful to the book's spirit. No pun intended. 

Just before Christmas I found myself having a discussion about A Christmas Carol, and more specifically The Muppet Christmas Carol with some friends. Someone admitted that because they love the Muppets version so much they sometimes forget that in the original there is only the one Marley brother. Which made me stop and think, then I realised that I had done the same thing myself more than once. How about that, when I'm actually well noted amongst people who know me as having a ridiculous memory for facts of this kind?

Between us we decided that because the Muppets version was one of the most loved, and most watched adaptation, it was often what people came to know first, so no wonder they're surprised when they go back to the source material and see that something's a bit different. 

Now, as amazing as the Muppets are, you might wonder why I'm talking about this. I have a point. 

See this?

This has been floating around Facebook again today. I've seen it before, and no doubt I will see it again. I know it's not just been on my newsfeed as well, as I've seen various members of the DOC addressing it. 

'It's just a joke!' I've seen people saying. 'You're reading too much into it', when I point out that I find it offensive.

I have a sense of humour. A good one. I know people often say that when they're trying to defend the fact that they don't get jokes. I get it. I get what you think is funny about this, but I'm sorry, it's just not. 

This is exactly the sort of misinformed 'humour' that perpetuates myths about diabetes as whole, regardless of whether it's Type 1 or Type 2. There is so much ignorance and misinformation about there about what diabetes is, cause and treatment that does anyone think that 'jokes' like this are really helping anyone?

Like with my point about A Christmas Carol, if a person's first point of contact with any sort of information is incorrect, and they then hear that repeated over and over, what do you think they'll believe? You only need to do a quick flick through your television, or a quick search on Youtube to see people making these sorts of 'jokes' again and again and again (and again and again - I could go on). It becomes mainstream. And no matter what you think, it still seems as though blaming anyone with diabetes for their condition is still an acceptable target. Couple that with the often downright dreadful portrayal of diabetes as a whole in fiction, and the blunders and idiocy of mainstream journalism, is it becoming clear now why I, and many others don't find this sort of joke funny?

Would you make this joke if it was something that impacted you or someone you love? What if it was about something that you cared passionately about people understanding and getting right in their heads?


When I saw this appear on Facebook today, I took to explaining to a few people exactly why I don't like it. And to their credit, they seem to have listened to me, so this is not me 'having a go' at them. Really, it's not. They're my friends and I love them. But things like this, for all the reasons I've just said, make me sad. They make me angry and tired and just want to sigh. Some days I just don't have the energy to fight these battles. So maybe you'll excuse me when seeing multiple people 'like' this picture on Facebook upsets me. Maybe you'll forgive me if I don't see the funny side.



 

Posted by Becky at 23:59 | Labels: advocacy, diabetes in the media, doc, soap box | 1 comments |

 

I talked recently about going down to London for World Diabetes Day. I did. and it was great.

I got to London on the evening of the 13th, which meant I got to join in with a JDRF Type 1 Discovery Evening - I'd always wanted to go to one, but travel and finances have always prevented me. Boy was I glad to be there! The speakers were excellent, and included Fredrick Debong, from mySugr,  Kyle Rose (of Team Type 1, Delta PM Diabetes and about a million other places), an update on artificial pancreas research, and diabetes poetry. I ever got to plug my show quickly, and hand out a few flyers and press releases. Oh and a free bar. Excellent. 

On the 14th, I woke up, and joined in with the #wddchat13 24 chat, still lying in my sleeping bag on my friend's settee, with her cat still staring at me.

 

And we were off! I had people responding to me, loads of which had already been going for a couple of hours already. It was great. As were my levels that morning. 7.6 (136) - I'll take that happily. I threw on my Hello Kitty onesie, and got on the underground.I'll be honest that, with my tube-anxiety, I thought I handled myself very well all day in that regard!

I met up with Shelley, the wonderful founder of Circle D and we hit the streets. We weren't really trying to collect money, we were more about making people look at us, and hopefully ask questions. We got into some great conversations with members of a London bus tour company, an owner of a souvenir stall, a taxi driver and a bunch of commuters. We joined in on a JDRF coffee morning. Then I sadly had to part ways with my other Type Onesies, who had to go back to work. I found myself hypo in a coffee shop, and whilst I was waiting to come back up again, I joined back in with the chat.

I dropped in and out throughout the day. I went walking down the river and took pictures of buildings that had gone blue for the evening. It was great. I got back on the train to go home, and chatted away. As I pointed out...

 I really did feel tuned in and switched on throughout the day. I love the DOC, I really do, and I've made some wonderful friends over the past few years, but I do think that my location sometimes makes it difficult to join in things like DSMA. Much as I want to join in, I can't ever really justify staying awake to participate, because there's always work the next morning. So the 24 hour chat was a revelation to me. I met all sorts of new people, who cared about what I had to say, and I was fascinated with their answers to the questions. As I travelled back, I was tweeting away. And then it went past midnight. World Diabetes Day was over for me. 

And the world continued. And my levels were RUBBISH by the time I got home. I was not enjoying the glue-mouthed 17's (300's). And that's the thing, I supposed. WDD is just one day - there's still the other 364 every year, where there's less visibility for us as a community, there's less of everything. Or is there?

When midnight hits, and we leave the ball, we're still like Cinderella. We might have to put our ball gowns away, and our carriage might be a pumpkin again, but we're still there despite all the finery being put away. And we've still got a job to do, and it's an important one. We've still got to keep supporting each other, managing to stay alive, and stay strong. Even if it's in a slightly less celebrated way for the other 364 days.

Posted by Becky at 23:59 | Labels: advocacy, dsma, friends, jdrf, worlddiabetesday | 0 comments |

Just can't wait to get on the road again...

Well, on the train, anyway!

I'd been trying to make this work for a while now, but you can imagine how thrilled I was that shortly after my first Blue Fridays picture for November was taken, all the pieces fell into place to send me southwards for World Diabetes Day!

Hoorah! Now, I will admit I am far from the biggest fan of London. I'm a northern girl through and through - it's noisy, dirty, busy and expensive, and there aren't enought trees. But many of the people I love tend to end up there, so I try to go when I can. But it's been a while. 

So when my wonderful friend Shelley, of Circle D fame said that she was running a Type Onesie Day for World Diabetes Day, I wanted to do everything I could to be there. And yesterday, all the required bits came together to make it all systems go. So I shall be donning a Hello Kitty onesie and parading around the streets of London, praying that it doesn't rain! 

What is also wonderful is that it's turned out that due to timings of travel, I will be in the Big Smoke in time to join in the London Type One Discovery Evening on the 13th. I've never been in the right place at the right time to join in one, so it seems things are very much on my side at the moment! UK DOC, do let me know if you're going to be along, so I can say hi!

On a side note, it would be great to see your photos filling my inbox soon. In case you missed it last time, I'm very keen to end my show with hope, and would love you to be involved. I am putting together a video, which I am inviting you to be a part of. If you would like to be part of the video, all you need to do is take a picture of yourself holding a sign with your name on it, and the words 'I live in hope'. Then email it to me. Simple as that.  I really hope to see your pictures soon so I can start putting this together for a brilliant end to things!
 

Posted by Becky at 21:26 | Labels: advocacy, friends, jdrf, worlddiabetesday | 0 comments |

So, back in May - all the way back in Diabetes Blog Week I teased about a project that I had in the pipeline. No, really I did. And since then, I've been working away behind closed doors, and letting my ideas bubble away. 

Now I'm ready to share them, and I hope, DOC, that you'll be pleased with what I'm planning. 

Over the past four years that I've been part of the DOC, I've seen an amazing array of advocacy, from the ridiculous to the sublime, which have all been beautiful and marvellous in their own special ways. What has made them all so individually wonderful and perfect in my eyes is that all the people involved used what they were great at to make them brilliant. Which has had me thinking. What do I think I am good at? What are my skills?

Most of you probably know that I write for the stage. I've been doing it seriously since 2005, and I've been fortunate enough to see several of my scripts brought to life. But before I ever thought about writing, it was performing that I loved. I still love it - I used to perform professionally, so I certainly hope I still love it! I found myself thinking about the skills I have, and how I could use them in advocacy.


I've been planning to launch myself into creating and producing my own theatre for a good few years, and decided that this project I'd been working on would be the one that I would use to launch myself with.

I wrote a show, telling a story. My story. Using this blog as a starting point, I have written a one woman show of my experiences from diagnosis onwards, and I'm going to be performing it. In less than thirty days time. Yikes.

I plan for it to be warm, funny, engaging, and very, very honest. There's a lot of content that I've never spoken about here, and working on it so far has been an unusual and surprising experience. I also really want it be a success. And there are a couple of ways in which I could use your help, DOC.

Firstly, I need to start reaching people to tell them about this project. Wherever you are in the world, as the people who are passionate about the heart of this, you're invaluable. If you would take the time to check out the website of White Tree Theatre, my new professional operating name (the site is still a work in process!), follow on Twitter and like on Facebook, I would really appreciate it. If you have a friend that you think would be interested and you tell them, that would be even more amazing. I'm going to be blogging about the development over the following month with a more theatrical slant over there as well, so if that's of interest to you, it might be worth a few minutes of your time.

Secondly, and very bluntly, if you're reading this and you're in the UK, take a moment to consider buying tickets to see it performed. I'll be performing at Friargate Theatre, in York, (where I happen to work) on 22nd and 23rd November at 19:30. Tickets are only £5.00, and you can either buy them online here, or you can call 01904 613000 during office hours. Since I run the Box Office, you might even get to speak to me! I'm keeping ticket prices low, as I'm planning to run a collection on the two evenings to split between several D-Charities. I'm not aiming to make a profit from this, but I still want to reach as many people as possible.

As I'm performing this in November, as my contribution to Diabetes Awareness Month, I want to be able to offer as much information as possible, even if it's not discussed outright within the performance. I'm going to have an information stand at the theatre, and I'm going to be running a Q&A after both performances. Is there something in particular you think that I should have there to offer, or someone I should be in touch with? While I might have already thought of it, there's no guarantee that I will do, so do please drop me an email and let me know if there's something you think I could miss that I shouldn't.

Lastly, and I really hope this is something that the DOC will want to be involved with. I am very adamant that this show ends with hope. I don't want it to be depressing or pitiful in any way. I want to end with hope, and with that in mind, I am putting together a video, which I am inviting you to be a part of. If you would like to be part of the video, all you need to do is take a picture of yourself holding a sign with your name on it, and the words 'I live in hope'. Then email it to me. Simple as that. 

Well, there you go, world. I've let this loose now - we'll see what happens next.

Posted by Becky at 20:12 | Labels: advocacy, fundraising, theatre | 3 comments |