Instructions Not Included

In love, in fear, in hate, in tears

2011-10-10T22:55:00.000+01:00

I don't know about you, but I have certain pieces of music that I'll come back to time and time again. Pieces that mean a lot more to me than others - the ones that always provoke a reaction. I've had a weird, unsettling day today for reasons that aren't entirely mine. And I've found the past few months or so a bit of an uphill battle a lot of the time. I also know that I'm not the only one out there. And sometimes you don't have the words to really show the support that you want to. So instead, I'm going to let someone else do it for me, in a way better than I ever could.

I love this song. I loved it for many, many years, but it took on a whole new meaning when I heard it sung as part of the Manchester Passion a few years back. I've never been able to find a recording of that, sadly - but it was amazing. But all I know is that, tonight, if you've been struggling, I want you to know that you're not alone in this. Because I love you.

And I ask myself....how did I get here?

2011-09-27T23:51:00.000+01:00

I have Statcounter on my blog. And a very handy little thing it is too. It lets me know all sorts of interesting things, like where you're all reading from and all sorts of other fascinating bits of data, allowing me to feel a bit like a spy. Or a stalker. Whatever's your poison, I suppose.

One of the interesting bits of data it tells me is what search terms brought people here in the first place. Some of them are slightly more bizarre than others. For your delectation, some of the more puzzling ones include:

Man screaming in fear - erm...ok.

Really thin pancakes - those things that people call crepes when they're being poncy, but normal people call pancakes?

Timber logs being taken away - I really have no idea how this one brought someone here.

Phillip Schofield and his little friend Gordon the Gopher - ....sure.

All human beings talk about the weather. Yes. Yes they do. And if you're in Calamity Jane you might well sing about it.

Wonder Woman is a babe. No arguments here.

Sexy girl surfing hot underwater hd - Again, no idea with this one.

Cotton wool head and legs like lead - I hear you, friend. Been there.

Scary oranges - Yes, I hear they're utterly terrifying.

And possibly my favourite -

Pigeon going to work

Getting armed and ready

2011-09-26T22:28:00.000+01:00

Let's just get this said right off the bat - diabetes sucks. It isn't any fun, and it's not something we ask for. I'm riding at a 'lovely' score of 14.8mmol/l (266) as I write this - I'm not exactly in the best mood, as you can imagine. However, I'm trying to put a positive spin on things as best I can.

I read the '15 measures' article from Diabetes UK the other day, and had to stop and think some. If you've not read the article (which I suggest you do, if you haven't), the basic premise is that there are 15 basic health checks that people with diabetes in the UK should get every year. What was rather horrifying was the statistics provided of the sheer thousands of people who were failing to access basic tests to help educate and prevent complications. Education and basic tests are far more cost efficient than treating complications later down the line. Really, there is no excuse not to be offering these checks to people.

I'm lucky. I really am. I've been offered, and taken up several diabetes education courses. Of course I'm pro-active about my health and my diabetes education. Not everyone is. But through asking, and I mean simply asking - I didn't have to beat down any doors - I've accessed carb counting courses, courses for 'newly' diagnosed people and pump training. I am aware how lucky that makes me. Not every area offers these things. On the whole I've never had to fight for my test strips. I pray that never changes. Through being educated, and given the right resources, I can know that my sugars were at that 14.8. I know how to correct and what to correct by, rather than leaving it up there. This has to be a good thing, surely? This is the application of preventative measures! This is how you enable people!

On the flip side,though, the problem with having all these checks done is that sometimes the results tell you something you really don't want to hear. I reference you back to the whole 'chubbygate' situation. I didn't want to hear that. It hit a raw nerve for me. But my consultant wasn't to know how my weight has been an issue for me for pretty much as long as I can remember. And I'm trying to do something about it. You bet I am. It's not easy though, and I'm sure many people out there can relate.

It's not just chubbygate though. I've been going round and round in my head about how I was going to bring this one up. I don't want to make something out of nothing, but it got to me. This is going back over a month, to the end of July. I had just got back from working a week long event as part of my job. Believe me when I say I was tired when I got back home. I found a letter waiting for me at my door, which I knew from looking at the envelope was from the retinal screening service. I wasn't worried to open it - the rather lovely young woman who'd taken my pictures had said that it all looked fine at the time.

The letter was saying something different. Minor background changes. Apparently nothing to worry about, and nothing that required anyone doing anything. We'll see you in a year.

I would very much like to meet the person who reads that letter and doesn't worry. I'm sorry, but they're not human. I was tired, it hit me from nowhere. I dumped my bag at the top of my stairs, lay on my bed and started crying. Was I going blind? Was this my fault? I'd only been at this whole diabetes game for just over two years, and I was already getting this letter? The one I wasn't hoping to see for another ten, fifteen, twenty years, if ever? Had I done this to myself? Could I fix it?

Well, of course, I got past that eventually. And do you know what? Being upset was ok. I keep telling myself that. Staying that way, though, is just self pity. And no-one likes that person. I certainly don't. I've since been for a standard, 'real-person' eye test. Part of that was the non-drops version of the retinal photograph. I talked to my optician about what I'd been worrying about, and he talked me through everything. Seems that if it were his own eye, he wouldn't have been concerned; it's the sort of thing that can disappear as quickly as it came. Turns out I needed to get glasses for cinema and driving, which I wasn't expecting, but what can you do? Most of my family wears glasses (or should - but I won't go there), and it wasn't like I was completely shocked. That's 'real-person' stuff, and nothing to do with me and my D.

Getting that letter, and 'chubbygate' were a real punch to the gut. I didn't want them, and I didn't really see it coming. But in the long run, I'm probably the better for knowing. You can't see your way through the darkness, and you can't work with information you don't know. It hurts, and sometimes it feels personal, or like people are rubbing salt into the wound, but I've been thinking and asking myself lately whether I would rather not know these things, and carry on blind, or know where I stand and what I'm working with. Personally, I'd go with option B. So to anyone out there who might be reading this who isn't getting all their '15 measures', please do yourself a favour. Make some calls, knock some doors down. Be your own advocate and your own enabler. Get what is rightfully yours to inform yourself and arm yourself against a disease that, let's face it, sucks and isn't going anywhere. We need all the tools available in our arsenal, so let's make sure we get our hands on them.

Victory is mine!

2011-09-15T22:06:00.000+01:00

And we have a WINNER!

Oh yes, oh yes, ladies and gentlemen. It is Thursday 15th September, and today, I got rid of the sharps bins!

As I put them out on the doorstep last night, I was starting to think that it would never happen. I was convinced that when I checked if they'd gone before I went to work, they would still be there. But, lo and behold, they had gone. I didn't quite believe it, to be honest with you. My landlord (perfectly understandably) didn't want to leave a huge bag like that on the doorstep all day, so I said I would bring it back in if it was still there when I checked. But when it wasn't, I thought maybe he'd taken it back inside. But oh joy, oh wonder, when I got back from work, it was no-where to be seen!

Hopefully this is a sign of better things to come. You can, however, rest assured that I plan to write to my council over the shockingly rubbish service I got off them up until this point. In happier news, though, I would like to present the ultimate solution to finding something the right size for a travel sharps container. I've found it darn near impossible to find something big enough to fit an inset in. But then it came to me...

Miniature Pringles cans! Throw a handy roll of LX tape into the mix and you've got yourself the perfect disposal vehicle. Plus - Pringles! What's not to love?

Score one for me, and score one for just common sense...

The Legend of the Sharps Man

2011-09-05T22:38:00.000+01:00

It's like some diabetes urban legend. Say his name four times into the telephone, and he might appear to you that night...

Sharps man...

Do you dare say it one more time?

I did.

See the terror! Hear the horror! It's a tale that will leave you trembling with fear!

Or just deeply, deeply annoyed. For me, it was the latter.

Something I've heard over and over again from other D-friends is the trouble they've had getting rid of their sharps bins. I've had some trouble myself, but in two years, I had only had to sort out one collection...

until now. (Can't you just hear the dramatic sound effects?)

Not because I don't fill up sharps boxes - because I do. I just don't like to call for mine to get picked up with just one box, so I save them up to try and make fewer collections.

I know some people can hand in their boxes at their GP's surgery. Some people can hand them in at the chemist. Some people have to take them to hospitals. I've heard all sorts of different variations. For me, I have to have mine collected by specialist waste management. Which I have to arrange via the council.

Now, the last time I tried to sort this out, I called up the council to arrange a pick-up, expecting to leave my boxes on the doorstep, and for waste management to come and collect. Oh no, no, no. Can't do that. Health and safety, don't you know? Well ok, fair enough. What am I supposed to do then? Well, they collect between 7am and noon, you'll just have to listen for the doorbell.

Well there are several things wrong with that. Firstly, I have to be at work. I have to keep my holiday days for using to cover my MA classes. I can't be using them for you to collect sharps! Secondly, even if I was prepared to do that, I can't. I live in an attic flat of my landlord's house. I have no access to the front door for entry and exit, and I can't hear the doorbell. So I can't do that. So last time, the Sharps Man and I arranged for me to take my boxes to work, and he would walk over and pick them up. I work in the city centre, and not far from the council offices. Which I appreciated him doing, and that was fine. Everything was lovely. And since he was doing me a favour, I decided I would save up my boxes until there was a reasonable amount, to save him trips. So I have three 5 litre bins that I've used since I started pumping, and three 1 litre bins. That's 18 litres worth of sharps, which I carried over to work, and then made my first call.

Sharps Man!

This first time round, things seemed straightforward enough. I called on Thursday (18th August), and he said he would come and pick them up between 10:00 and 14:00 on Monday or Tuesday. Everything's good, I'm happy, the world is well.

Until a week later. Still no collection.

Sharps Man!

Answerphone this time. I leave a message. It's just about to be Bank Holiday weekend. I say that I know no-one is going to pick them up Monday, but could someone please come on Tuesday and get them? This is where I am, this is my name. Thank you very much.

Then it's the end of Tuesday. Still no collection. It becomes Friday. Still no collection. It's been two weeks by this point. I am annoyed.

Sharps Man!

Answerphone again. I make it very clear this time that I have been waiting for two weeks now, and I am not impressed. If there is a problem with this, could someone please call me? If not, this is my name, this is where I am, and I do not want to have to call about this a fourth time. I use my stern voice. I consider the matter settled.

It's 15:00 on Monday. Still no collection. I am royally narked off. I make my fourth call...

Sharps Man!

Except it's not Sharps Man. It's Sharps Woman on the phone. Sharps Man 'is on annual leave'. I am not impressed, and suggest that in that case, they might want to put a message on his answerphone saying the service is not operational. Apparently it is operational. Then why has no-one called me back, when this is the fourth time I've had to contact them? They don't seem to have a good answer for that one. I tell her that I've been waiting since 18th August. It is now September 5th. I am not happy.

Would I like to arrange a collection? Well, I explain the situation - he was coming to me, I can't leave them at home, because you won't let me do that, and I work during the day, etc, etc. Well it seems that you can't authorise anyone to come and pick them up. Health and safety reasons. I need to take them back home and leave them in a bag on the doorstep.

WHAT?!

So that thing that you told me I wasn't allowed to do, because it was against health and safety regulations, is now the thing you WANT me to do? So, you can't pick them up until a week on Thursday? You won't come and pick them up at work this time? Well, thank you VERY much. I guess I'll have to do that then, won't I, since I have no other way to get rid of them. I do point out how annoyed I am, and though I'm not trying to be awkward, you're making this very difficult and overly complicated. You tell me that you're sorry, of course. Despite the fact you don't seem in the least bit concerned.

I imagine you think that because it's only 'drugs waste', I can wait. What does it matter to you? What does it matter that I have to jump through your stupid hoops, stressing myself out for something I don't even want to do in the first place? It doesn't matter, of course. It doesn't matter that I'm angry, and upset, and feel like I'm being a huge nuisance. It doesn't matter that I'm convinced that I'll leave those boxes on the doorstep, and you won't take them. For health and safety reasons, I'm sure.

I wonder if I'll be seeing Sharps Man when I turn out the lights tonight?

Homing Pigeons

2011-09-02T21:40:00.000+01:00

Life's a funny old thing, don't you think? I do, anyway. I never planned to take any sort of hiatus from blogging - I've had plenty to say, but every time I opened up blogger to write a new entry? Nothing. Absolutely nothing would happen. I don't know why. Having thought about it, I think I might well have been on some sort of overload. A bit like Johnny 5 from Short Circuit if anyone remembers that? Too much input.

It sounds like I'm a bit of a broken record, but I've had a lot going on, with work, and being at the Edinburgh Fringe. Everything just seemed to feel like it was building and building, and piling on more and more until I got to the point where I just wanted to hide. I didn't really want to talk to anyone in the DOC, but then got upset with myself because I couldn't find anyone to talk to. I felt awful for neglecting my blog, my exercise, for trying to ignore all the things I would normally do. I just wanted it all to stop.

Of course, it doesn't. It never does. But when I was stuck right in the middle of it all, I called out to a friend. Being the angel that she is (and she KNOWS who she is), and the absolute rock she probably doesn't even realise she is to me, she sent me back a message telling me not to worry. Things like the blog didn't matter because my readership 'will come back when you do'. And in my heart, I know she's right. It'll all get back to normal. I'm talking to you wonderful people again. I'm easing myself into stuff to say again. So I'll say that I'm back properly this time.

Diabetes Art Day

2011-09-02T02:00:00.000+01:00

I was planning to post every day this month. Not quite Nablopomo it, but more or less. Since I've not been posting, I've been storing up so many things that I want to say. But for today, I'm going to try not to say too much, and speak in a different way.

I didn't do Diabetes Art Day last year. But this year, I thought I'd give it a go. I had some help with it from Andrew (for which I'm very grateful)

Read what you will into it. I know what it means to me. I'd love to know what you think. But I'll have more to say tomorrow.

I love you all.

Summer time, and the living is surprisingly complicated

2011-07-05T23:45:00.000+01:00

I had been looking forward to the summer. Now, please don't get me wrong, I haven't been having a dreadful time, but I have been having a rather busy time. Which is why I've been away since...whoa, April. Yikes.

I've not been entirely silent though. I've recently written a guest post for DiabetesMine, and had the rather lovely experience of chatting with Chris for an episode of Just Talking. In the real world, I've been to a couple of D meet-ups - a lovely London based one with my wonderful friend, Shelley, and more recently I popped my head in (not really for long enough, sadly) to one on my doorstep. I also got invited to do a Q&A for a group of new start pumpers at my hospital (a post on that in the near future, I promise).

With the first year of my MA under my belt, with no scheduled classes for the summer term, I had anticipated having time to breathe a bit, get my thoughts in order. Has it turned out like that? Well, no, not really. Sure, I'm done with the MA until October, but other things have stepped up to fill the void.

I don't consider myself to be immensely highly strung, or very high maintenance. But in truth, I'm not exactly the most laid back person in the world. I stress. A lot. I get anxious, which doesn't help me in any way, shape or form. Stress and I have a bit of a vicious cycle. I stress, which pushes my levels up. Which means I don't sleep well, which makes me tired and edgy. Which makes me stress more. Which starts the circle all over again. Oh and don't forget to throw in the small fact that my IBS symptoms are mostly stress induced. And round we go, again and again.

So I've been quiet on the whole social media front. I've barely been on twitter, which is normally my haunt of choice. I've not been blogging. But, oh my D-friends, I have missed you. I really, really have. But I had to try and keep a hold on my sanity, whilst struggling with this horrid cycle, working my normal 9-5, and then turning my mind over to the equivalent of a 5-9, which is getting a new company off the ground, and getting creatively and practically ready to go to the Edinburgh Fringe Festival.

So there you go. I've been battling the heat, the ongoing nagging in the back of my mind that I should be trying harder to lose weight after 'chubbygate', the stress, and, if I'm honest, feeling very alone and isolated. But I'm still here. I'm trying - and I've missed you all.

Coming Unstuck (part II)

2011-04-28T13:30:00.000+01:00

A couple of months a go, I had a bit of fun with trying to get my new sites to stick. Admittedly, that was mostly due to my own stupidity with some self tanning body lotion. What I've found with a few of my recent sites though, is that they're starting to unpeel at the edges somewhat by the third day of use. With that in mind, travel back a week or so with me...

Lately at work, I've been having a huge blitz on my (very large) pile of (extremely overdue) filing. I don't have any shelves near my desk, but I do have a rather extensive number of files that I'm responsible for. So that means lugging them to and fro from the main office to my desk.

One afternoon in this administrative marathon, I keep looking for something like a staple that might have got caught in my top, because SOMETHING is poking me in the side periodically, and I cannot work out what it is. But nothing is to be seen, so I carry on regardless, as you do.

Along rolls the time for me to switch files. So, resting two on my hip whilst I juggle with the code locked interior door, I realise what's been poking me.

Yes, that would be my cannula, which must have been dislodged whilst I was carrying files. Proving that either a) I have a slightly dodgy box of insets, or b) filing is hazardous to my health, and I should stop immediately. Personally, I'm voting for option B. One of two completely unplanned site changes at work that have happened recently, anyone? I'm going to have to start keeping a sharps box here, I swear.

The Last Taboo?

2011-04-17T23:42:00.000+01:00

I had my annual review with my endo on Monday. I'll be honest, I was extremely nervous about getting my HbA1c result back. I normally run the usual 'having everyone guess' pool on Twitter, etc. But I didn't this time, because for once, I was actually scared about the result. With my several month run of extremely fruity scores, I was worried. I had prepared myself for a double figure score, knowing that whilst that would be a huge jump from my previous result of 7.1, if I prepared myself for the worst, then at least it wouldn't be too much of a shock.

As I was sitting in the waiting room, all sorts of things were going through my head - what if they took my pump off me? After all, it was supposed to help me bring my A1c down. Well, it turns out that whilst it had gone up, the damage wasn't as bad as I'd been expecting. It rolled in a 7.8%, which I know many people would bite my arm off for. So, Dr J. wasn't too worried about that. He told me that he knew I'd get it back down again, and he had absolutely no doubt about that. He also wasn't that concerned about what I've been calling my 'fruity' scores. His argument was that a) my honeymoon has clearly ended, and b) my body was still getting used to pumping - the two things together meant that the scores I'd been getting didn't surprise him. What surprised me, however, was what seemed to concern him. Which was my weight. Or more precisely, my BMI.

Now, I was pretty clued up to the fact that I'd most likely put on a few pounds, but it wasn't something that I was overly concerned about. I also dislike BMI as a form of measurement a) because for some reason, the hospital have measured my height as several inches shorter than I actually am, which skews things, and b) it just seems to make everyone feel bad about themselves. However, Dr J. seemed extremely concerned about it. Apparently my BMI was too high for someone with Type 1. He wanted to put me on Metformin. I did not want this. When I was in hospital after I was diagnosed, they weren't quite sure what type I was. This was despite the fact I had ketones that were (so I'm told) practically off the scale. Since I was out of adolescence, they gave me Metformin. It did not agree with me. I know for a fact it would most likely not agree with me now, for reasons I'll come on to shortly.

So it turns out that from about a year ago, I'd put on 5lb. This apparently had tipped things to a point where he wasn't comfortable with my weight, despite the fact that I'm still lighter than I was pre-diagnosis. I pointed out that my total daily dose was still coming in at under twenty units - I'm hardly insulin resistant, so I didn't really see the point in it. Then he asked me THE question, which has been rattling around in my head all week:

"Have you always been on the chubby side?"

Well, what do you say to that? Admittedly, I have always been heavier - I'm built that way, and even if I were to shed all excess weight, I'd still have a heavier build. I'm never going to be a size 8. That I've come to terms with. But I was slightly dumbfounded, and the best I could come out with was, "Uh, I guess so?".

The discussion went on for a while, and eventually I convinced him that I didn't want to take him up on the offer. That was fine, he told me, he didn't want to twist my arm and force me into anything I didn't want to do. I said if my weight was really a concern, then I would try and do something about it. We agreed that I would try to lose a stone by my next annual review. Ideally, I want to lose two, so that he really has nothing to complain about.

So the comments about my weight cut rather deeply. I've always had issues about my appearance, so having this put in front of me hasn't been exactly easy. It's upset me. I know he didn't mean it to, but it has. However, that's only 50% of what this post is about.

I said I had reasons for not wanting to go onto Metformin. I remember, from the couple of days that I was on it, that it did not agree with me. It caused many of the side effects that it's well known for - abdominal cramps and excessive gas being the ringleaders. You see, the thing is now, that I have issues with IBS. I don't talk about it much, particularly not on here, because well...it's not really very pleasant. You just don't talk about those sorts of things, do you? That leads me to ask, why not? I don't mean graphically (I promise I will never do that), but why is it such a taboo to talk about this? I asked out on twitter about whether any other Type 1's had Metformin suggested to them, and eventually discovered that I wasn't alone in dealing with both T1 and IBS. I suspect there are more people out there than just the two of us, as well. But it's not the sort of thing one sits around and chats about in polite company. But surely that's where problems, particularly those of feeling isolated, start? When we don't admit things, and we don't talk about them?

So this is me saying that I have IBS as well as T1. For me, my IBS is mostly stress induced, and I don't have it half as bad as other people I know. But it's there all the same. And for me, I didn't see the point of putting myself through the wringer of Metformin, in all probability exacerbating my symptoms, for the minimal payoff. So I'm going to try and get rid of this two stone the old fashioned way.

And if anyone else with IBS wants to say hi, please do - you're not on your own either.

I just came for the shoes, actually!

2011-03-23T22:27:00.000Z

Yesterday, I 'thrilled' you all with the rather overly long story of my day out in Blackpool. However, there was a little side story that a missed out of that account. So I thought that I would share that with you all today.

So, something that tends to happen at competitions, is that various vendors will come to try and sell you their wares. In the past, I've tried not go and look at them, because they'll make me want to spend money that I really don't have. However, this time, you had to walk past the stalls in order to get to practice space, and to the toilets, so of course I ended up having a look.

The stall I come to is a discount dancewear retailer. And they're having a clearance sale. This is really dangerous. I checked out the costumes, and there were several that I liked, and technically could afford, but I decided not to try anything on, because then I would be sure to buy something. But then I saw a pair of wider fitting shoes, on sale. Since I'd actually been thinking of getting a new pair of shoes, as the ones that I've been using are getting a bit worn out on the sides.

So I'm talking with the woman running the stall, and I'm umming and ahhing a bit over whether to buy them, mostly because I'm generally really tight when it comes to my money. I hate spending money, because, well then I haven't got it to fall back on. Then she suggests that I ask my mum for the money (a suggestion that never sits well with me when people say it), because "exercise will stop you from getting diabetes in the future".

Well, ok then!

I didn't really know how to react. I wanted to just laugh in her face - I wasn't sure whether to be narked off or not.

"Well, actually, I have Type 1 Diabetes, so...."

Watching her try to dig herself out of this hole she'd created was, shall we say, interesting? I didn't try to embarrass her, but she couldn't stop apologising. Ouch, it was rather painful to watch. It was clearly one of those moments where trying to advocate would be lost, because she just wouldn't stop apologising, and I couldn't get a word in edgeways. So I just told her it was all ok, and did she take card?

She did take card.

It's murder on the dancefloor

2011-03-23T00:09:00.000Z

So I've made no secret of my love of Dancesport. We're now far into the competition season, with only Roses 2011 left to go. This has meant some late nights, some early starts, and interesting dilemmas regarding the D. And where to hide Anneka.

So earlier in this month had me competing in the Inter-Varsity Dance Competition (or IVDC as it's more commonly known) in Blackpool - the home of ballroom dancing, doncha know? So we were dancing at the Wintergardens. This place is gorgeous, for the record, and has one of the best dance floors in Europe. Problem of course, is that in order to get there for doors opening, and to get ready in time for the first rounds (which of COURSE happen to be one that I was competing in), our coach had to leave at 5am.

Yes, you read that right. FIVE IN THE MORNING. Oy vey. By the way, I don't live near the university, so that means getting there. Too far to walk, especially with the amount of stuff I take with me, and several hours before the first bus. So expensive taxi ride it is.

Now, in my infinite wisdom, I managed to get my weeks mixed up, and thought that I had another week before the competition, which meant that I didn't really have any time to do those two words that fill me with a kind of dread, coupled with self loathing and ultimately necessity - fake tan. So that meant I had about 24 hours with which to achieve a hopefully appropriate level of tan, which was subtle enough for me not to be scared of my own reflection. I bought a wash off instant tan.

There are a couple of things you should know about this. 1: I spent the end of my evening in a pair of latex gloves, pyjama bottoms and a bikini top. 2: It took about three attempts to get this right. 3: This was mainly because I hadn't realised I'd bought a shade too dark. 4: I realised about half way through that I would not be able to shower in the morning, and 5: It takes much, much longer than you think it will.

I slept for a total of 45 minutes that night. Then I got up again, and got a taxi. When we got on the coach, I disovered that I had, in fact, found the coldest place on earth. Customarily, one expects the indoors to be warmer than the outside, but I'm fairly convinced that the sadistic coach driver had actually put the air conditioning on. It turns out that it's a longer drive to Blackpool than I'd originally given it credit for.

Now last time, when I did a the Northern Universities Dance Competition (NUDC) in Chesterfield, I seemed to spend the majority of the day pretty high, scores wise. I headed out the door that morning coming in at 6.1mmol/l (109). Since my scores have still been rather....uncooperative as of late, I was very happy with that. As we pulled in to Blackpool, I was riding higher, at 13.2 (237), but a correction pulled me back down into range, and I was sitting pretty on 7.9 (142) as Round One of Beginner's Waltz started.

Alice and I unfortunately got knocked out of this first round. This wasn't much of a surprise though, as I got hit on the head with someone's elbow, and then got rammed by two couples, right in front of the judges' table. Sadly, there aren't any more pictures of us dancing, mainly because our heats of Quickstep, and Jive all happened in a different room, and we just got missed in Cha-Cha. It's probably for the best, because every photo of me dancing ballroom makes me look like a have no neck. It's something of a cross between my still needing to learn better dance posture, and the picture being taken from behind me!

As with Waltz, we got knocked out of everything first round, which was a real shame, particularly for Quickstep, which went beautifully - I was fairly sure we'd progress to the following round. But such is life, and there's still Roses, and next year, although neither with Alice. And whilst I could easily believe that we got knocked out of each class, what I couldn't quite believe was what was happening with my levels. I'd been having such rotten numbers that it was like the Diabetes Fairy had waved some sort of wand over me for the day. Every number was acceptable! 5.3 (95), 7.0 (126), 5.5 (99), 8.2 (147), and so on! I'd decided on trying a grazing strategy, and somehow, it seemed to have worked!

Between the Ballroom classes and the start of the Latin, was the Off-beat competition. This is so much fun. Each university team gets 3 minutes 30 to do whatever they want. It's marked 50% on dance, and 50% on entertainment. Since our entry was a piece choreographed to 'Star Wars Disco Boogie', we were clearly going for the entertainment angle. See my kick-ass Ewok mask if you need further evidence. The whole thing was utter comedy, but apparently comedy that worked, considering we made it to 6th place out of the 12 entries. I maintain that we would have broken the top 3 if we'd had more rehearsal time!

By the evening, the individual classes were over, I was still coming in good at 5.6 (100), and we were all set to go with the team knockout competition. Alice and I were dancing Waltz for the C team (I had wanted to dance Quickstep, but hey ho, you go where you're put!). In an awesome move, all three of our teams got recalled to the quarter finals, and our A team came in 4th place in the 2nd division. Score one for York!

We eventually got back on the coach home at just after midnight, and a score of 4.9 (88), with the heating finally coming on at Leeds, and into bed, after showering off my orange skin, at about 3am. That's one crazy, and very, very long day.

I don't know how I got such good scores. I need to look into it a bit more, I think. Shame I couldn't repeat it the other night though, when I was at a workshop on contemporary choreography for theatre. I ended up having a hypo halfway through, and spent the rest sitting on the sidelines, because I knew I was going down again after treating.

Ah well. You win some, you lose some. Bring on Roses!

Damn you, Joss Whedon!

2011-03-15T00:17:00.001Z

Ah, I love me some sci-fi. I know it's considered a bit geeky to many, but I've never minded. I loved Star Trek (TNG, DS9, Voyager) in my teens, and I'm happy with a good science fiction book. So when I finally got around to watching Joss Whedon's Firefly a couple of years ago, I was smitten. Smitten, and naturally bummed out that it never got to fulfil its potential (yes FOX, I blame you! For this, and many things). So the other day, Andrew and I start rewatching his DVDs from the beginning, and something jumped out at me from the Pilot...

MAL
Unfortunately, we've been ordered by
the Alliance to drop some medical
supplies on Whitefall. It's the
fourth moon on Athens, a bit out of
our way, but we should have you on
Boros no more than a day off
schedule. Is that gonna be all right
for everyone?

BOOK
Jake by me...

SIMON
What medical supplies?

MAL
I honestly didn't ask.

ZOE
Probably plasma, insulin, whatever
they ain't got enough of on the
border moons.

Insulin?! Are you freaking kidding me, Joss Whedon? The year is 2517, and you in your fictionalised future there's still diabetes? And there are places that don't have enough insulin? Oh, come on! I was practically banging my head against the wall.

Come on world. We've still got another 500 years or so to prove Joss Whedon wrong. Probably one of the only instances in which I would ever wish that upon Mr Whedon, as well.

Juggling - with strings attached

2011-02-27T22:36:00.000Z

Back in December, I was lucky enough to learn a bit of poi juggling at work, for part of the Christmas carol service at York Minster. For those of you not familiar with poi, think juggling balls, but with long strings attached, which you fit to your fingers. It's great fun, and looks beautiful when you do it right. But if you don't? Well, you'll end up whacking yourself all over the place. Especially when you're learning. Which hurts a lot of the time.

At the moment, things really aren't that dissimilar. I've been somewhat distant from a lot of things that I'm normally so engaged with. Forums, twitter, blogging here, and it's not because I don't love being invovled with social media - if it were up to me, I'd be able to devote a lot more time to it - thoughts of whether I could actually find work doing diabetes advocacy has crossed my mind more than once, believe me. But the problem is that I'm torn between all my commitments. I know that I'm not the only one - we all lead unbelievably hectic lives these days, and I know we'd appreciate the chance to just press the pause button for a few days, and slow the pace down.

I work full time. I study part time for a Master's degree, which means time on campus, as well as all the work outside of classroom time that goes with it. I'm part of the university's Dancesport society, which means I have lessons, and team practice for competitions. And of course, D always has to have its say on everything.

I'm extremely lucky, in that my work are very understanding about my MA. I've been allowed to rearrange my hours to allow me time to take my lectures, which all fall within the working day. Of course, when I'm not there, I'm in the office. Which means that time to use the library, etc, is all in the evenings. Despite the ridiculous price of it, I do own a bus pass, so I can get the bus to and from university. On foot, it would take me about an hour to walk between my flat and campus, and then obviously another hour back. So I get the bus. But because buses stop being frequent after a certain time, if I miss one, I have to wait another half hour. And they only go into town, which means I still have to walk half an hour back to my flat, usually with a stack of books.

So what's a girl to do? If I go to the library after work, the earliest I'll get home is about 20:30, but it's usually more like 22:00 or later. Trust me, by that point, I'm hungry! I've still not really got the hang of reducing my basal rates, and since I'm high an awful lot of the time, I'm not 100% comfortable with reducing them anyway, as I'd probably carry on being even higher.

I knew that when I signed up for the MA it was going to be a lot of work. I'm not complaining about that, because I knew it was part and parcel. Trading off things in order to not completely burn out though? That's a bit more difficult. I'm glad I chose to do this part time, because there's no way I could manage it full time.

I'll be completely honest. My control has not been great at the moment. My 14 day average on my meter is way higher than I would like it. I'm probably not paying as much attention to things at the moment as I should be, and that is unsettling me a little bit. I don't like taking my eye off the ball, but giving myself some slack in one place is the only way I can think of handling things at the moment. At the end of April, all my assignments for the year will be handed in, and I can think of other things as well.

Until then, I guess I'm just going to have to try and avoid hitting myself with the various balls in the air.

It's all beige

2011-02-21T23:49:00.000Z

I don't like February. I really don't. It seems somewhat odd to have negative feelings towards a month, but I do. It's not because I'm some screaming anti-Valentine's Day sort. I generally couldn't give a toss about Valentine's Day, but that's mostly because I find the idea that we shouldn't show our love to others on the remaining 364 days of the year slightly abhorrent. No, that's not my problem. So what is it? What could I possibly have against February?

It's beige. It really is. It's such a blah month, which I generally find nothing happens in. Nothing good, at any rate. When I say beige, I mean beige in the paint term, when you paint a room beige (or magnolia, to shake things up) to keep it plain and inoffensive. But I tell you for nothing, it's dull.

I can get on board with January. It's the first month of the year, and all that jazz, and I can usually find cheap presents in the sale at Boots (yes, I am that person). I also like March - it has my birthday, and usually the first signs of spring making an appearance. But I find the shortest month of the year generally has very little going for it.

I tell a lie to some extent - I did compete in my first ballroom competition this month, i went down to London to see a friend I've not seen in a couple of years, and I had a very nice night out having dinner with friends this weekend. But all the same, I will be very happy when this month is over and done with.

Anneka and I have been having something of a tumultuous relationship over the past couple of weeks. I've changed my insulin:carb ratios, and that seems to have made something of a difference, but I'm still running far too high for my liking for most of the time. Changed my site out this morning, and found I had a kink in my cannula as well. Fun times. I'm not complaining, mind you - I still love my girl, and I've had some interesting times figuring out where to hide her as of late, but it's not all peaches and cream. As with everything D related, I'm certain it never will be. As always, it's all a learning curve.

In other, non-beige related news, I was thrilled to receive my copy of my lovely friend Ginger's new book - Your Diabetes Science Experiment. I'm in the midst of reading it at the moment, and I'm planning to have a review of it up for you all soon. So far, I highly suggest getting your hands on a copy if you haven't already!

Coming Unstuck

2011-01-31T22:12:00.000Z

I hear tell sometimes of women who can take hours to get ready to go out of a morning, or if they're going out at night. Not me. It's not my way. Of a morning, I'm up, shower, wash my hair, dress and dry my hair. Brush it, and as far as grooming goes, that's pretty much it for me, really. I don't wear makeup - I'd much rather have the extra 15 minutes in bed.

You've probably heard me mention before that I take part in Dancesport. If you've not come across the term before, Dancesport is competitive ballroom and latin dancing. Think Strictly Come Dancing (the original Dancing with the Stars if you're of a US persuasion). I've been taking lessons since Autumn of 2009. Seriously, I love it. And between February and March, I'm going to be doing my first two competitions. That means several things: dresses, fake tan, hair and LOTS of makeup.

Oh dear.

Dresses? Hey, I can get on board with that - I love a bit of dressing up now and then, and I've managed to find myself a really nice ballroom dress for an absolute steal in one the January sales. Quids in. Hair? Oh that'll drive me crazy, but I'll just about cope, if I can find someone to help me.

Fake tan? Ah, now that's where the fun starts. You need to have at least some colour, so I'm told. Now, I don't tan. I'm pale and proud of it - you need to roll with what you've got, and that's what God gave me. So I bought myself some of that body lotion with tan in it. I got given some really good advice about it. EXFOLIATE for a few days before applying so it doesn't go all blotchy. OK, fair enough. Exfoliate I shall.

Exfoliate, exfoliate, exfoliate. Hmmm....let's break my 'no moisturising in the daytime' rule. Oh, set change time. Here we go. Oooooh, look! No bubbles!

OK, why won't this stick? Oh yes. That would be the body lotion. There's no way anything's sticking to that now. Alcohol wipes or something like that would be useful right now. Do I have any? Of course not. What do I have? Nail varnish remover. And of course, my skin loves that. So, Tegaderm. That looks sexy.

At least on the plus side - no bubbles. But I can't wait until I actually start using this tanning moisturiser. That should be a whole other state of affairs. And people wonder why I don't do the whole 'beauty regime' thing.

Challenge Anneka

2011-01-15T17:35:00.000Z

So a few posts back, I told you that I had named my pump Anneka. I also said that I would explain why. So here goes.

I don't know if you guys in the US had anything like this, but back in the late 80's to mid 90's, we had a TV show called 'Challenge Anneka'. Wikipedia seems to think you had something called Challenge America, but dammit, we had it first!

The premise of the show, if you're not familiar with it, is that the charming all-action heroine, Anneka Rice, would fix some terrible crisis, whilst wearing a blue jumpsuit. She also had a mobile phone, which was a really big deal in those days. The best part of the whole show though, when you were young, was the little animated hedgehogs in the opening credits. Seriously, I always thought they were adorable!

It always seemed that Anneka Rice could handle anything. So that was part of my reasoning behind calling my lovely Animas pump that. But after a number of Borg and robot related jokes, it's also a partial nod to the human name of Seven of Nine from Star Trek Voyager, which was Annika Hansen. Yes, I loved Star Trek as a teenager. No, I'm not really ashamed! But she was always calm, collected, and fiercely intelligent.

So my hope rather was that whichever Anneka/Annika she was taking after would be a good omen. At least they both had jumpsuits in common. Shame that so far, it's been a bit more of a challenge than anything Anneka Rice ever took on.

I always remembered her building orphanages, and youth centres and the like. Seems that though she did this, she also did some far more bizarre things -

Anneka has to trick a group of blind people that the wacky sound-effects played on her boombox are taking place in real life, in order to receive a donation to the Calibre Cassette Library.

Anneka has to cut a hole in walled garden in Chiswick to let some victims escape.

Anneka helps a coward cross the road by building nice things on the other side, such as an ice cream parlour and dog salon.

Anneka has to organise a tape of music in time for a leaving party.

and of course, my personal favourite:

Anneka has to convince a group of scared school children that monkeys have not taken over the world and that they are just in a Dorset zoo.

As for me, I'm hoping not to have to challenge my Anneka to do any of these things. However, I have been dealing with an absolutely rotten cold for the past week, which has been making things much more of a challenge. I did mention that I'd been struggling with high scores. After seeing my team on the 6th, we'd made alterations to my basals in an attempt to try and sort things out. Of course the next day, this absolute beast of a cold makes an appearance.

This is the first time I've been properly ill since my DX, so I wasn't sure what to really expect, bg wise. They've carried on being high despite corrections, putting on temp basals, and such. Thankfully no ketones have appeared. But the problem of course is that I don't want to make any huge changes, because when this cold has gone, it'd be hard to tell whether I'd made too many. So I think I'm just going to have to hang on in there, until it clears up, and make my changes then.

But in the meantime, I suppose we could terrorise children with monkeys?

The result is in!

2011-01-14T23:03:00.000Z

I didn't really see it coming. Honestly, I didn't! I'd really enjoyed being part of the whole competition, but never saw myself actually winning. Not only were there really strong entries from some wonderful people, I also don't win things - it never works out like that.

But being as life is stranger than fiction - I did win. It was announced on twitter and the website today.

I've not been anywhere beyond a long weekend to see a friend in Belfast since I was seven. So a chance to go and see something of the world? Somewhere I'd probably never go otherwise? Whilst helping raise money for some amazing charities? Well hey, that works for me.

If any of the other people who entered into the final stage of the competition are reading this, then I want to say thank you to them. Thank you for caring enough about the project, about charity and about the state of the world to want to be involved. That makes me so happy to know that people still care about things.

So I'm thrilled. I'm so excited since I wasns't thinking I'd be able to go ANYWHERE till around 2012/13, and even then would be pushing it. I can't wait to go to Rio. I've been looking at the Lonely Planet website and there are so many things that look like I should see them!

So a HUGE thank you to 7 Wonders team, and to each of you who helped with the video! You're all wonderful.

And now a question - Do we have anyone in the DOC in Brazil who fancies a meet? ;) Or does anyone know Rio and know somewhere I absolutely HAVE to go - first time traveller here, so any and all advice is welcome!

I'm going to Rio, baby! :D

My Dream Donation

2011-01-08T21:19:00.000Z

I've got something today which is a little bit different. I'm so excited, because I'm now one of the last 9 people in the running to join the 7 Wonders in 7 Days trip. The adventure is aiming to raise money for 7 amazing charities - including Diabetes UK.

If I join the trip, I'll get to go the Rio de Janiro to see Christ the Redeemer. As someone who never goes anywhere, having the chance to go halfway across the world, as part of this amazing adventure would just be undescribable. Especially in aid of so many great causes. Some of these are charities that I hadn't come across previously, and I'm so pleased to have heard about them now.

So we have been asked to say what our dream donation would be. After thinking about this for a while, I decided to make a short video to sum this up. Yesterday, I spoke to a LOT of people about this, and had help off everyone who took pictures, let me film them, or told me about their dreams. Thank you to all of you. So here's the video. It was an interesting experience putting it together, so I hope it's interesting to watch.

Going Camping

2011-01-07T21:48:00.000Z

I'm pretty sure I've made it clear in the past that I have a bit of an issue with the whole New Year thing. If I haven't, well then, I do. New Year's Eve? An anticlimax if ever there was one. New Year's Day? Well that's when the pressure starts.

A New Year, a new you! How many times have you heard that, or seen it on promotions? If you're anything like me, then it's far too many. Lose weight, get fit, stop smoking, eat healthily, start a new career, make every day count. Ugh, come on. Let's be honest here. This month's star buy diet book, or fitness DVD is March's bargain basement fodder.

I don't do New Year's resolutions. I believe I brought this up last year, but I made one a few years back that I've managed to stick to really, really well. It was not to make any more New Year's resolutions. Ha, ha, very funny, I hear you go. Well, I mean it. I used to do them, but when it got to a week or two in, and something had gone horribly wrong? The sense of guilt and failure. It's because there's far too much pressure associated with the whole 'resolution' madness. You're setting yourself up for a fall 99% of the time, and why do that to yourself?

Don't get me wrong, I'm all for trying to make changes in your life. I just don't like the whole label of 'resolution'. I mean, by day four of January, I got to work and realised I had my knickers on inside out. That's a low point, right there. What hope have I got of managing to keep something that has the pressure of 'resolution' attached to it?

So there are lots of things I'd like to do, to change, to achieve. But how to go about it without the stress, without punishing myself if it doesn't all go as well as I'd like? Well, as it happens, my attention was drawn to a tweet by the lovely Jenni Prokopy of Chronic Babe, in which she was linking to a post by Dannette of FibroHaven. What was it about? Well, that's what I mean by 'going camping'.

It's about living with intent.

I have Basil Brush going 'Boom, Boom!' in my head. Yes, I know it's a truly terrible pun, but it makes me smile. It's like a really bad joke from a cracker. But I do think this is brilliant, and as of Monday, I'm going to be keeping a notebook to write down my intentions.

This is better than resolutions. This can be flexible, and fit with where you are day to day. It's realistic. Each day you make and write down and intention, which is right for you on that day. Make it more ambitious when things are going well. Keep it relaxed and manageable when they're not.

A way of making changes that is actually do-able? I know I'm in. What about you? Fancy coming camping?

Welcome Back

2011-01-03T22:15:00.000Z

I thought I would let this really wonderful flashmob speak for me. I've been away far too long, for reasons that I'll explain momentarily. So a welcome back to hopefully far more normal and regular service here.

It's a little bit ironic that on this entry, I can announce that I was nominated for one of the 2010 DOC Awards! Category? Blogger that we wish would blog more. I'd like to say a huge thank you to whoever nominated me - I'm really touched. I'm also proving true to form, as voting has now closed!

So what's been keeping me away from here for the past month? Well, I'll be honest with you. I've been a)overly busy, b)stressed, and c)exhausted. I mentioned having to do some pretty intense testing immediately after my pump start, but that drained me more than I was willing to admit. I'd not been sleeping well before the pump start, so my energy tank was running on low from the get go. By mid December? I was so tired that I was worried that I was going to end up making some sort of REALLY stupid mistake that I would end up regretting. I tend to squirrel away my holiday days, rather like...well, a squirrel. With nuts. I don't like using them, in case of discovering I need them all of a sudden. But I ended up having to use several, simply in order to sleep. Not the most constructive use of the time, really.

And over Christmas? Thankfully work shuts for a week between Christmas and New Year, which makes sense, as we'd have no-one to do business with (straight out of A Christmas Carol there!). Several of my days off were occupied with travelling up and down the country to see the wonderful Rob 'Faceman' Gooch, of D-Team fame, get married to his lovely, now-wife, Anna. I managed to go home to see my family for a couple of days for the first time since May. I say May, but I think it may have been longer than that. I just read that sentence back to myself, and I promise you no pun was intended. Because if it was, that would be unforgivable, really.

I had a lovely Christmas at home, I really did. But between all the loveliness, work for my MA has been piling on, and although I've managed to get part of my work done to at least a first draft stage, I still have the evenings of the following week to get that piece up to scratch, and finish and then redraft my play. I'm swamped. And I'm back to work tomorrow.

And life with the pump? Her name is now Anneka, for reasons that will be better explained in a later post. I'm now over a month in to this pumping milarky. First two weeks? They were a lot of hard work, with all the testing, and getting used to the A,B,C's of the whole affair. Then I got into the swing of things, and my levels started falling into place. But over the past week or so? Well here are examples of a few tests, admittedly not in the right order, but still all genuine from over the past week.

Meter goes 'Dee-Deed!' (I never like the double beep - it means I'm either high or low)

11mmol/l (198) - Huh?

Dee-Deed!

15.3mmol/l (275) - WTH?

Dee-Deed!

13.8mmol/l (248) - OK, I'm starting to get narked off now...

Dee-Deed!

10.9mmol/l (196) - Better, but still no cigar.

Dee-Deed!

12.9mmol/l (232) - I'm losing my patience now...

Dee-Deed!

16.5mmol/l (297) - I could cry, I really could.

Lather, rinse, repeat. Getting below 10mmol/l (180)? Quite the accomplishment, at the moment. Admitedly, I did start out having problems getting the hang of changing cannulas, and I've had a few pretty purple and red ones, but the cannulas themselves? Aside from one extremely dodgy one, they've all been pretty good. So I'm thinking that my carb ratios or basals have to be off. At the moment, ratios are the number one suspect. And right now, I'm just grateful to have an appointment with the pump team on Thursday. Trying to get a handle on Masters' work whilst running high all the time? Not easy - I get extremely restless and agitated when high. And I can't concentrate. Not the best combination.

Ah well. Bring it on, I suppose...

Diabetes Blessings Week - Day 4

2010-11-25T23:10:00.000Z

Just a very short one today. I've just finished having my first ever Thanksgiving dinner, with my adopted american friends. This was a wonderful evening with good food and good company.

So with that in mind, I want to say thank you to my 'real life' friends and family. You are all terrific people who have helped me, encouraged me, badgered me when necessary, and much, much more.

You've learned things for me, you've carried glucose tabs in your pockets for me. You've fundraised with me. You've listened to me moan when I've needed to, and gone far and above the call of duty, and I'm so grateful for you.

You are amazing, and one of the greatest blessings in my life. I love you all.

Diabetes Blessings Week - Day 3

2010-11-24T23:20:00.027Z

It's 4:30am this morning, and the alarm on my mobile phone is going off. I know exactly why, because I was doing exactly the same thing two hours ago. It's testing time.

On with the light, fumble for the meter, open the test strip bottle, and....

Ah man. Test strips all over the bed. Fantastic. That's going to be fun to get back together.

Why am I testing at 4:30am? Same reason that I'm testing every two hours for the next fortnight. Yesterday, I started on my pump, and my team have asked me to do this in order to get my basal rates sorted. So it's not going to be a whole lot of fun, because there's not a lot of sleep going on there. However, I would rather do this now, and get it right, rather than having to be chasing my tail a few weeks down the line.

But it's only day two of fourteen, and I'll be honest. I'm already tired. Like I said the other day, I've not been having great sleep recently, and my tank is running more towards empty. But it's time to power through, and hit the ground running.

Because for any complaining and griping I might do within the next fortnight, I know that I am extremely fortunate. To have access to pump therapy is an amazing opportunity. But even if I didn't have access to it, I would still consider myself fortunate.

If ever I feel down about the state of things, I think about the amazing work done by Dream Trust, and how so many people with diabetes are in situations like those of people the trust works with. How it could just as easily be me.

I think about life before the 1920's. Before the discovery of insulin. How a diagnosis of diabetes was tantamount to a death sentence. How incredibly blessed we are to have access to insulin at all.

So, just let me clean up all these test strips off the bed, then...

Diabetes Blessings Week - Day 2

2010-11-23T22:29:00.000Z

It's day two, and when I started thinking about a couple of conversations I had yesterday, it became very obvious what I wanted to talk about today. Well, I say what, but I really mean who.

I'm all about the people. I take my friendships very seriously, and once you've got me, you've got me for life. I'm like a bad penny. Or possibly something more flattering, if I'm feeling a little nicer about myself! You do lose contact with people along the way in life, which I always find deeply saddening. The thing with really good friendships, though, is that you can usually step right back into the rhythm.

Over the past year and a half, I've been so blessed to meet a whole range of wonderful people. Today though, I want to think about how amazing it has been to know two in particular.

First up is someone that a lot of you out there in the DOC will know quite well. If not, then my question is why not?!

I've come to count the wonderful, charming, and lovely Ginger Vieira as one of my best D-friends. And do you know, I have absolutely no idea how we 'met' in the first place!

Ginger is one of those amazing people who makes me feel like I can do absolutely anything. She's funny and encouraging, and extremely talented, in many different areas. Did you know she used to do improv comedy, for instance? If you've seen her 'duct tape' vlog, that's a prime example of how hilarious and funny she is.I can't wait to read her book!

Skype is a wonderful thing, and we've had some lovely talks over the old interwebs. Every one though makes me wish we were that bit closer to the wonderful transporter device we've been planning to create.

Closer to home, I've also been fortunate enough to meet another fabulous person, who makes me laugh so hard that last night my laughter actually disconnected our phone call. Strange story, but a true one!

Shelley is the mastermind behind the UK Diabetes Support network Circle D, which helps 18-30's with diabetes meet, socialise and support each other.

The woman is mad as a box of frogs, but an absolute genius. She has so many balls in the air that I genuinely have no idea how she juggles them all and still manages to keep her sense of humour. When she takes over the universe, I want a place in her cabinet.

And of course, I never would have met either of these wonderful ladies if it hadn't been for diabetes. Tell me that that doesn't make me blessed?

Diabetes Blessings Week - Day 1

2010-11-22T22:35:00.000Z

So I went quiet again for a while there. It's been turning into a bit of a problem lately. I think it's due to feeling a bit swamped with both work and work for my Masters'.

I'll be honest, I've also not been sleeping particularly well. I've had a string of high levels lately, and coupled with the cold, it's been playing havoc with my sleep. So obviously, I've not been at my most chipper. So with that in mind, I want to say thank you.

The wonderful and lovely Mike from My Diabetic Heart has declared this week to be Diabetes Blessings Week. So my first thank you is to him for what I think is a fabulous idea. Counting our blessings is something that it never hurts to take time over. So with that in mind, I want to cast my mind back a bit.

Every now and then, I like to think about how far I've come. I remember a time, not so long ago, when I didn't know the language of basal, bolus, and A1c. I didn't know how to order prescriptions. The thought of injecting myself was utterly terrifying.

And now? Well, I'm not the world expert on any one thing, but I like to think that I know my way around. I've been extremely blessed to have access to a lot of really good education, and supportive medical professionals. I know what I'm doing. I've managed to get solid HbA1cs since my initial high ones post diagnosis. Judging by the fact that I'm still here, I've learned how to inject, and managed to do it.

In this situation which I never wanted, I've managed to come out ok. This happened at a time in my life where I was in an area with a well managed NHS budget, when I personally was able to absorb the important information and use it to make positive changes, in terms of diet, exercise, and life. If this had happened a year earlier, I'd probably have seen things go very differently.

And please don't get me wrong. This isn't me saying that things have been easy. That would be a huge monster of a lie. They haven't. They've been VERY difficult, and I've put a lot of hard work in. This also isn't me going 'Haha, look how easy I've had it compared to you!', because that's not true either. I'm not bragging, or rubbing it anyone's face. I know how hard you all work, too.

The truth is, I've been blessed. And I count myself to be very, very lucky indeed.

I know where I was

2010-11-04T22:51:00.034Z

I know a lot of people today will probably be thinking about where they were and what they were doing two years ago. It was a historic day, and one of those 'where were you?' moments. As for me, I know exactly where I was. But as thrilled as I was by the results of that night, this isn't about politics.

I was at my parents' house, having literally jumped on a train to come back home. I would have gone to extremely long lengths to get there, and it almost led to me quitting my job at the time. It was the day I said goodbye to my oldest friend.

I was on my own the night I found out that she had died. My phone had broken, and it took me buying a new one, and picking up a voicemail from her sister to find that she wanted me to call her. Though I couldn't get straight through, I knew in my heart of hearts what had happened. It was freezing cold, when I got through to her, and I very nearly sank to my knees outside the bank when I actually heard the words.

Pam met me first when I was maybe six years old. A good number of years older than me, she was my brother's guitar teacher. After he gave it up, she was my guitar teacher, then my singing teacher. She understood me and encouraged me in a very different way to everyone else in my life. She believed in me, and I never knew her once to doubt me, or raise her voice at me, despite my being a very frustrating student. We were more than student and teacher. All the while, she was one of my closest friends, and we loved each other. We clicked. We had loads of the same interests, and she had every faith that I could do whatever I put my mind to. She helped guide me through the early stages of my walk with God, and a thousand other things that I will forever be thankful for.

On 4th November, 2008, after running full sprint through York city centre to jump on a train, and change out of my work uniform in a still moving train's toilet, I was among the many others who gathered to say goodbye to her.

Monday was the 1st November, which marked my 1 year and six month mark of living with Type 1. And unlike last year, all I found that I could think about was how much I missed Pam. Possibly because of the whole media circus surrounding the US midterm elections, I don't know why, but all I could think about was how much I wanted to talk to her.

I remember our last conversation, which was on my mobile phone, whilst I was sat in an otherwise abandoned car with a completely empty petrol tank. I was on tour with a small scale touring children's theatre company, and whilst we were en route to our afternoon show, our fuel had totally run out. My touring partner (and really good friend) had gone to try and hitch-hike to the nearest petrol station, and left me locked in the car (I don't advocate this strategy to anyone else, for the record). The high winds from up in the hills were rocking the car back and forth, and I was nervous. So I called Pam for a chat. She was in bed, ill, but we talked for a good half an hour until he got back with a can of petrol.

If I had known that the last time we talked would have been the last time we'd talk, I would have said so many things that I didn't. How I would forever be thankful to her for how she had taught me how to be a better artist, a better Christian, and a better human being. That I loved her, and felt privileged to even know her, let alone consider her one of my best and closest friends. Of course, I didn't know it would be the last time we talked, and of course, I didn't say those things. I like to think that she knew, though.

Pam had serious chronic health problems, and had her whole life. She was born with spina bifida, and had many complications because of it. She had an amazing life, and accomplished so many things that it makes me feel lazy. Even in her worst periods of health, she was gracious and loving, and full of life and humour. To me, she was the epitome of a Chronic Babe.

When I was diagnosed in May last year, she was the one that I wanted to talk to. The one I knew would understand, and that I could say absolutely anything to. But of course, I couldn't. I've wanted to talk to her about things at least once every week, but usually more. But of course, I can't. And of course, I still want to. I wish I could talk things out with her. I've wanted to bend her ear over the whole pump issue, for instance. I've got to console myself with what I think she'd probably tell me.

I wonder sometimes what she would think of me and the way that I've handled things. I like to think that she'd be pleased with my transition from total newbie to knowing my way around things. I know she'd be pleased in my keeping this blog. She was a wonderful example of a pre-internet advocate for all sorts of health issues. If she'd been online, she would have been one of the movers and shakers - that I know without a doubt. It's a shame she never owned a computer, really.

I'll never know the answers to those questions, though. Not in my lifetime. All I know is that I loved her, and that right now, I really miss my friend.

Going Live

2010-10-26T14:58:00.000+01:00

Here's a blast from the past for those of you who read from the UK, and something to boggle the minds of those of you from elsewhere in the world.

Who remembers Going Live? Ah, Phillip Schofield when he still had colour in his hair, and of course the national institution that was Gordon the Gopher. Saturday morning kids' TV at its 'finest', in that wonderfully tacky late 80's and early 90's glory. Happy days.

So whilst I want to talk about going live, it's not that going live. Maybe another day?

I've been given my date for going live on the pump. Over the phone, I'm still waiting on the letter. But it looks like my 'plugging in day', as the clinic admin told me on the phone, will be Tuesday 23rd November. Wow. That's soon. I'd been thinking that it would have been in December, and pushing it to be happening before Christmas. Stranger things have happened though.

In the end, I had a choice between three - the Accu-Check Spirit Combo by Roche, the Paridigm Veo by Medtronic, and the Animas 2020.I know how lucky I am to have a choice in the matter, so I spent a long time thinking about it before making my choice. Or at least I think I did. Andrew seems fairly certain I made my mind up pretty quickly, and just didn't want to commit to having made a decision.

Well, despite having some rather 'interesting' information told to me by the three reps, at an hour that I'd much rather be having my tea/dinner (depending on your part of the country), and the hours of contemplation, I did finally make a decision.

I've gone with the Animas 2020, in 'it goes with everything' black. I was torn, colour wise, but came to the conclusion that I could always get skins for it.

In the end, the Animas just had an awful lot of features that I liked. I enjoyed the fact it had a customisable database, the low bolus and basal incriments, and I just liked the aesthetic. The screen was large, clear, and didn't remind me of a late 80's text adventure game. The fact that the Paradigm Veo is CGM ready was something that was holding me back, but after a frank discussion with the DSNs, it seemed that with the way the country's funding is being 'handled' at the moment, the chances of sensors being available more freely within the four years I'd be tied to the pump are so slim as to make it rather a moot point. So with that not really an issue, the Animas won out for me.

There were 8 or 9 people in my initial pump meeting, when we met with the different reps. It seemed a mixed group, and I don't think everyone was necessarily convinced about pumping full stop. So it will be interesting to see who comes back, and which pumps they choose.

I'm not sure how I'm feeling about it all, to be perfectly honest. I thinking having the choice of pump has helped me feel a bit more in control, and I'm certainly more convinced that I was to start with. I just need positivity about the whole process, which I've been getting for the most part from wonderful people on Twitter, and in the real world as well. I know as it gets nearer, I'll become slightly terrified, because that's just the way I am. I just need to get over that initial first hurdle.

Where have you gone, Joe DiMaggio?

2010-10-21T20:17:00.000+01:00

A few weeks ago, I found myself listening to one of my favourite songs of all time. That's 'Mrs Robinson' by Simon & Garfunkel. A classic if ever there was one, in my opinion. Now, I normally pride myself on being fairly good at really listening to song lyrics, and thinking about the meaning - that's why they're there after all. But as I sat there listening to the song, I realised I'd never really listened to the lyrics. And when I did, I found the song taking on a whole new meaning. I'd never properly clocked that it was supposed to be about a woman dealing with alcoholism. Neither, it seems, did most people that I'd asked.

Now, I know this doesn't seem like I'm going anywhere with this, but get on board and go with me - I promise there's a destination!

The line which I found myself being drawn to again and again though, was the line about Joe DiMaggio:

Where have you gone, Joe DiMaggio? Our nation turns its lonely eyes to you.

I poked around online for a while, and found an analysis of the lyrics (which was really interesting reading). It talked about this part in particular. How DiMaggio himself had been confused by it. As he said, he hadn't actually gone anywhere, so what was it referring to?

The analysis says how DiMaggio was considered "the quintessential secular American hero-savior", who was widely idolised, was handsome, charming, talented and 'got the girl'. He was a pop culture hero, who was fading from the spotlight as he stepped back from baseball.

So where am I going with this? Well, at the time I was thinking about this, there was an awful lot of talk of how every time diabetes was talked about in the public eye, it was all negativity. When I wrote my review of The Hospital, I addressed some people's complaints that there was not enough coverage of people being responsible and doing amazing things whilst living with diabetes. As I said, it wasn't the place or the time, and it certainly wasn't the goal of that show. But the thing is, there are so many people living with diabetes out there who are doing amazing things. There are people taking on incredible challenges. Look at Team Type 1, look at my wonderful friend Ginger Vieira, who is a total inspiration to me. Look at all the others forming the list that's so long it's ridiculous. But then do something else.

If you're living with diabetes, whether it's your own, or your loved one's, do something for me.

Look in a mirror.

Go do it now. I'll wait.

........welcome back.

What did you see? Not sure? Well, do you know what I see?

I see a hero. I see someone who doesn't have it easy, but who is still here. Who hasn't given up. You're doing amazing things - whether you're climbing a mountain, or remembering to test - you're Joe DiMaggio. And our 'nation' turns its lonely eyes to you.

Oh. And to sum it up, I turn it over to two videos, both of which say it better than I ever could.

Finding Neverland & The Velveteen Rabbit

2010-10-16T16:12:00.001+01:00

At the start of November, I will have been doing this whole diabetes thing for a year and a half. Whether you think that's a long time or not is, I think, a matter of perspective. You can accomplish a whole lot in a year and a half. To channel my musical theatre nerd for a moment, let us consider Rent. There are many ways in which you can measure a year. They suggest a whole variety of things, but also measure a year as 'five hundred twenty five thousand, six hundred minutes'. So half that again would be... according to Google.... 788 923.149 minutes. Yes I googled it. That's far too much maths to be doing in my head on a Saturday.

My point being that if you look at a time like that, it suddenly seems like an awfully long time. On my part, dealing with T1 has become such second nature in a lot of ways that it feels strange to think about 'the time before', because that's almost like another person these days. But that's how I look at it. Other people will see it differently. And that's what I really wanted to talk about.

So I have Type 1 Diabetes. Big revelation there, but it's true. I was diagnosed at the age of 24, and apparently 'well past' the prime age for T1 diagnosis. It does seem that T1 is thought of by many as a 'kid's disease', being that yes, the prime age bracket for diagnosis is childhood, and for heaven's sake, it used to be called Juvenile Diabetes. What does that mean for the rest of us? Kids with T1 grow up. Adults get diagnosed with it too. I know I'm not the only one who was diagnosed outside of childhood or puberty.

I remember being in hospital after being diagnosed. A doctor (who is now my consultant) came and asked me if I wouldn't mind talking to some medical students. Because I was 'unusual', and they 'almost never got someone being diagnosed outside of childhood.'. I was put on metformin as well as insulin at the hospital as well. Because I was clearly in DKA, but they still weren't sure I was a T1 for a couple of days. Because I was 'too old'. This did make me feel just a little bit like there was something wrong with me. Apart from the whole broken pancreas thing, obviously.

Like I say, I know people who were diagnosed outside of childhood, but the majority of T1's that I know were diagnosed as children or teenagers. They're the norm. So what does that make me?

I've thought long and hard about how to say what I'm about to say. Sometimes life as a T1 diagnosed as an adult can be a bit 'lonely', for want of a better word. You were never a 'child' with diabetes, and as far as I know, my mum and dad have never sat up at night thinking about my diabetes. They've never had to 'deal' with it - it's always been my thing (please feel free to jump in if you feel I'm wrong, Mum, since I know you'll be reading this!).

I have heard from various sources that I 'don't understand', because I never had to deal with growing up with D. I'm an adult, and I've not had their many years of experience. But that doesn't mean that I don't know a thing or two. I've been dealing with this myself since day one. Sure, I've had a lot of help from wonderful people, but the shoe drops with me and no-one else. Just because I haven't been doing it as long, doesn't mean that I don't know what I'm doing.

I was amazed this summer, watching twitter, and reading the many blog entries about

CWD: Friends For Life Conference. I had always assumed that this event was....well, for children, as the name does suggest. I would never have considered attending, because I'm not a child with diabetes, nor am I a parent of a child with diabetes. But then I saw all the reports coming in about it (and the Roche conference, but that's another case entirely!). And I wished I was there. I think it's about needing a sense of belonging.

I will never be able to reminisce with you about 'way back when'. I never went to diabetes camp. I never had to deal with teachers not understanding. I never went to a prom or graduation and worried about it. But we're all here in the same boat. We all have 'Lost Boy' pancreases (pancrei?). One day they decided not to grow up, and all ran away to Neverland. We have the pancreases that never grew up. Mine just ran away a little later. And despite that, I'm here, and I'm on the same journey with you. I test, I carb count, I inject. I hypo, I hyper. I get blood drawn, I think in numbers. It's like in The Velveteen Rabbit, which was one of my favourite books as a child. I do all these things that you do as well, whether you've had T1 since childhood, or if you're like me, and joined in a little later in the game. Regardless of the starting point, we're all real.

30 things you might not know about my invisible illness

2010-09-19T20:45:00.000+01:00

Leaving it til late in the game here, I know, but I thought that, since I missed it last year, I really should get around to doing the '30 things you might not know about my Invisible Illness' meme, being as this is the last day of Invisible Illness Awareness Week for 2010. So here we go.

1. The illness I live with is: Mainly? Type 1 Diabetes, but of course you knew that. However, also Asthma and IBS, which you might not have known. But I'm going to be answering this in reference to T1.

2. I was diagnosed with it in the year: 2009

3. But I had symptoms since: The start of 2009, at the latest.

4. The biggest adjustment I’ve had to make is: Being much more self disciplined, and analytical.

5. Most people assume: That T1 is either the end of the world, or it isn't a big deal. Neither of those statements are true.

6. The hardest part about mornings are: When I've gone to bed higher than I would like, or I've had an evening hypo. Either way, I always feel like absolute rubbish the morning after.

7. My favorite medical TV show is: Scrubs! Love it to death, and also the fact they have a diabetic character (Turk has Type 2, in case you don't watch it) whose diabetes doesn't just disappear after one episode. Also the bonkers humour is just about bang on.

8. A gadget I couldn’t live without is: My Bayer USB. Honestly, I can't imagine a meter I'd rather use.

9. The hardest part about nights are: When something goes wrong, and I have to make the call on what to do.

10. Each day I take __ pills & vitamins. (No comments, please) Well, being as insulin is neither, none, actually.

11. Regarding alternative treatments I: Have no time for people who are flogging false hope through 'treatments' that have no actual medical application. Insulin is the only treatment option for T1. However, I'm not completely dismissive of 'alternative' therapies when they are appropriate. I'm a big advocate of aromatherapy and massage, for instance, but I would never suggest that these should be used in isolation.

12. If I had to choose between an invisible illness or visible I would choose: to instead try and make invisible illnesses 'visible'. It's achievable to think that we can break taboos and educate people about invisible illnesses, whilst science works on cures.

13. Regarding working and career: There's a part of me that's concerned about broaching the subject of diabetes with my next boss, whenever I move on. I think that's part of the reason I'd either like to freelance or run my own company.

14. People would be surprised to know: That sometimes I'll say things are ok, because I don't really want to explain the whole story. But it's not as easy as I'll make out.

15. The hardest thing to accept about my new reality has been: That sometimes diabetes will make demands that you have to pay attention to, and can't push aside. Also sometimes you've got to be a little bit selfish.

16. Something I never thought I could do with my illness that I did was: I've never really thought that there was anything I couldn't do.

17. The commercials about my illness: I've never actually seen one. Although, the leaflets that come with various magazines and letters that always seem to be for hearing aids, walk in baths, and funeral plans do annoy me.

18. Something I really miss doing since I was diagnosed is: Drinking fruit juice, just because I'm thirsty.

19. It was really hard to have to give up: Grazing.

20. A new hobby I have taken up since my diagnosis is: DanceSport - I love it.

21. If I could have one day of feeling normal again I would: Cherish it. Not having to calculate every bite of food, or think ten steps ahead would be wonderful. Oh, and drink a lot of fruit juice.

22. My illness has taught me: That you can't ask for patience without expecting that you'll be given a chance to show how you can be patient.

23. Want to know a secret? One thing people say that gets under my skin is: It could be worse, it could be a,b or c. Yes, I know I could have any number of other things. But I don't, I have Type 1 Diabetes. Telling me that doesn't help me deal with what I have, it just makes me feel like I should feel bad or guilty when I find things difficult.

24. But I love it when people: Genuinely want to know more, or ask questions.

25. My favorite motto, scripture, quote that gets me through tough times is:

I know that You can do all things, and no plan of Yours can be ruined (Job 42:2)

26. When someone is diagnosed I’d like to tell them: It's ok to be scared, but there are people just like you out there who just a bit further down the road. They will help you.

27. Something that has surprised me about living with an illness is: I'm actually probably a more well rounded person with my illness than I was without it.

28. The nicest thing someone did for me when I wasn’t feeling well was: Just sit with me when I needed it.

29. I’m involved with Invisible Illness Week because: I meant to do this last year, but never got around to it!

30. The fact that you read this list makes me feel: Like you have a lot of patience! And that you might post your own list.

Mapping it Out

2010-09-14T23:06:00.000+01:00

So I've been a little bit on the quiet side recently. As the old cliché goes, it's not you, it's me. It's been a busy and strange month, and unfortunately, writing here had to take a back seat during that time.

I did miss you all though! I've been quiet all over the place, really - Twitter, Facebook, forums. Not through a matter of choice, but rather necessity. I had certain things that I had to get done. For the most part, it's done, but some things are still yet to be done.

Relating to my last post, about pumping - thank you to those of you who commented, or spoke to me elsewhere - I really appreciate your thoughts. I have decided to go ahead with pumping, at least for the time being. It does make sense to try. So I'll be starting at either the end of October, or the start of November. No news yet on what pump I'll be using, and I've still not decided whether I want to push for the Animas or the Medtronic. Still one more decision to make there!

October's going to be another busy time. Can't believe how quickly it's rolled around, but it's only a few weeks until I start my MA. With that, and Dancesport starting out again, I'm going to be rather stretched for time. Hopefully I won't go 'dark' for as long as I just did - it's all about the routine!

Interesting piece of news for you though. If you're at all nearby, I'm going to be speaking (briefly) at the Diabetes UK Volunteering Conference for the Northern & Yorkshire Office. So I'll be in Darlington on 9th October, if you're in the vicinity and want to say hi!

So, if you're still reading despite me being quiet for this long, hi, again, and let me know what you think of the new layout!

Wanted, Dead or Alive: Advice

2010-08-25T23:31:00.000+01:00

If you've been talking to me on Twitter over the last few weeks, this isn't going to come as a huge shock. I know there are some who I haven't told though, and I haven't really publicly announced my decision to those I've been talking to.

Well anyway, a while back, I talked about the fact I'd been thinking about pumping, and whether it was something I should consider. Lots of you gave me some really wonderful advice.

Then I sent an email to my DSN, who sent me one back. Not long after, I got an appointment with the nurse who deals with pumps. That has since been and gone. I didn't want to lose momentum with or distract from The D Team fund-raising, so I didn't mention how it went. The bottom line though, is that I've been offered a pump, to start at the end of October/start of November.

It's been mentioned to me by various people (not that I wasn't already aware of this) that I don't fit the NICE guidelines (that link might be interesting reading for those in the US). This is true, and I don't deny it. I went to my appointment with this in mind, and just with the attitude of wanting to know more about pumping. What ended up happening was quite interesting.

The DSN who deals with pumps at my hospital couldn't be more lovely. I told her about my concerns about my insulin sensitivity, and how I was beginning to lose my initial hypo awareness. This is true, although it's something I don't think that I've really discussed on here.I also told her that I was unsure about pumping - I wasn't convinced with being attached to a device 24/7. I was open about that from the beginning.

We discussed my general control, lifestyle, frequency of testing, that I was starting an MA fairly soon, and how that might disrupt patterns that are easier to keep at the moment. She told me that she was impressed how much I already seemed to know about pumping. Then she asked if I wanted her to take my case to the review board. In her words, I 'don't strictly qualify, but you're clearly working very hard to get good results. You're smart, pro-active and educated. Why should you be denied the gold standard for working hard? I could tell you to let your A1c slip to make it easier to qualify, but I wouldn't do that, and I don't think you could either.'

So thinking that my case would get turned down, I said go ahead. Then two days later, I got an email saying I'd been approved. I think I sat staring at my laptop for a good minute before moving or saying anything. I hadn't been expecting that at all. Trouble was that now they'd said yes, I didn't know what to do. Like I said during my appointment, I've never been wholly sure it's right for me. I was scared. Still am, if I'm completely honest.

Since then though, I've done a lot of thinking about it, and I've decided to go for it. I'd never forgive myself if I didn't even try, and I might never get the opportunity again. So now that I've said yes, what now?

Well, it seems that my clinic isn't specifically tied to one sort of pump - they have people using Roche, Animas and Medtronic. I get the general impression that if I give a preference to a particular model, they'll try and accommodate that. So I've been doing some homework.

Looking at the different pumps, I've mentally ruled out pumps by Roche. Now, I have no personal experience with Roche products, but from things I've heard from friends, I don't think these are appropriate for me, for various reasons.

So that leaves me with the Animas 2020, and the Medtronic Paradigm Veo. I've got pros and cons for each in my mind, but they're coming out mostly tied. So, since you guys gave me such wonderful advice last time I asked about pumps, I'd really love to know people's experiences with these two companies and pumps. Negatives as well as positives. What are the features you love, and what would you like to change? What would you tell a novice pumper that no-one ever told you (and you wished they had!)

The floor is open!

Diabetes in the Media: The Hospital

2010-08-19T22:34:00.101+01:00

There's been a lot of things said about the Channel 4 documentary 'The Hospital', and its episode on young diabetics. It aired on Monday, and I missed it. I have only just had the opportunity to watch it online, write some things down in my notebook and collect my thoughts.

For those of you who haven't watched it, or are in the US/elsewhere and have no idea what I'm on about, the show was set within the clinic of one hospital, and followed the stories of a group of young diabetics. They seemed to be between 15-26, and all either had complications, or paid little attention to their management.

Most of you probably know that my background is in theatre. I've been interested in it since I was about five years old, and I've been studying it for the majority of my adult life. So I'm not coming at with no understanding when I make the following observations:

I know why they formatted the show the way they did.

Drama springs from conflict. This is not a rule that has no exceptions, but for the most part it holds true. Particularly for a show like this. They picked case studies from the extreme end of things - of course they did. It's shocking. It provokes discussion.It's shock and horror for those who know little or nothing about either type of diabetes, and it's a short, hard, jolt even for those who take the management of their diabetes extremely seriously.

Understanding of such decisions aside, it was not easy viewing. The young people that were interviewed had a variety of issues and complications, all in different stages.

One of the young people followed was Francesca, a 15 year old Type 1. During the programme, the narration told us that it had been months since she had tested. That jars with me on a personal level so badly. If you told me I couldn't test for a day, I would struggle with that.

A later scene showed her testing, after finding a (what I assume to be) spare meter in a drawer, which said she couldn't even remember how to use (I believe it was an Optimum Xceed, but I could be wrong.). The meter read 'HI', a result that did not particularly seemed to faze her. She then went outside for a cigarette.

They did show a visit that she had from a community nurse. In general, I don't like to be overly critical of healthcare professionals, as I know that their job is both complex and demanding. However, there are many that you can come across that just don't approach things in the appropriate way. This was one of those instances. If a random reading from your meter is 'HI', then perhaps advising that young person that she might want to think about testing her levels "during the party season", if that's "all right", might not be the best course of action.

Francesca admits to being a binge drinker. This and under-age smoking bothers me intensely. She says that what she wants to do is "socialise", but this appears to be limited to getting drunk with friends. At the age of 15. I know children are drinking and smoking at a younger age, but this makes me incredibly sad, and I don't want to come across as judgemental, but I would really love to know where the parental influence is in these situations. Where are these children getting money for alcohol and tobacco?

There were only two parents interviewed during this show. Both I found to be infuriating, if I'm honest. Francesca's mother did, in my opinion, have her priorities all wrong. Her biggest concern seemed to be the possibility her daughter's poor control might cause infertility later down the line. This enraged me. I have great sympathy for those who deeply desire a child but are unable to have one, but it is not the biggest tragedy that could happen to a person. Surely having your daughter alive and well is more important than currently non-existent future children? She also said that Francesca had been "left to control it herself, really.". I know, thinking about myself at age 15, I doubt that I would be able to handle the complexities of a chronic illness like diabetes.I'm stunned that she's willing to turn it over to a child in that fashion.

The other mother that they interviewed was the mother of Yasmin, a Type 2 diabetic, who I believe was 17 (please do correct me if I've got that wrong). Her understanding of the way diet and nutrition is such a vital part of diabetes management would have been laughable if it hadn't been quite so alarming. Yasmin was recovering from an abscess in her chest, and had been strongly advised that she needed to lose weight. Her mother served her a large amount of rice and potatoes accompanied with several lettuce leaves and stew, and considered that to be a balanced meal. She also then complained that healthy eating was too expensive. Again, that bothers me. Healthy eating does not need to be an expensive thing. I don't claim to be an expert on Type 2, but there just seemed to so much wrong with that situation

Other cases were shown, such as several young, pregnant women, and a 26 year old with final stage kidney failure, who was waiting for a kidney and pancreas transplant. Other things that were shown were the amputation of a toe, with no warning and in graphic detail. I'll be honest in saying that seeing that made me want to run away and hide. These were all important things for me to see, and I'm sure for many others. They certainly weren't pleasant or easy things, but seeing what could happen motivates me to make sure that it does not.

I'm not a believer in scaring people into submission. You shouldn't operate out of fear, because that's no way to live your life. But living with realisation of what could happen, and being motivated to prevent it? I think being armed with the facts is important. Ignorance might be bliss, but knowledge is power. It's unsettling to hear these young people, saying "I haven't thought about the long term at the moment...I'm not bothered". I remember back 10 years and being 15 - at that age, it's hard to imagine being 25, let alone 45, 55, 65. Something has gone terribly wrong in the system though, if at such a young age, your future self and their health is so way off your range of thought that you'd rather "go back to my more important priorities" (which the show implies to be getting drunk with friends).

I know that I've never been a child or a teenager with diabetes. This is actually something I'm planning to write about next week. I don't know what that's like, and I never will. But I refuse to believe that the actions of these teenagers are purely their fault. Rebellion is one thing, but there seems to be something missing. There seems to be the option of education - the programme showed what appeared to be a clinic with multiple healthcare professionals available on what appeared to be a drop-in basis. I don't think it's necessarily fair to expect a young person who is in all intents and purposes still a child to be entirely responsible and pro-active about their healthcare. Some independence can only be a good thing, but somewhere a link in the chain is breaking down. Hopefully programmes like this might be able to start shedding some light on where the problem lies, and how our healthcare system can address it.

The doctor who was interviewed for this, Dr Richard Savine, has come under a lot of criticism from comments online. He's been accused of being patronising and generalising diabetics with sweeping statements. I personally don't agree. What I saw was a man who has been trying to get through to his patients for a long time, and is tired. I heard nothing from him that got me worked up, or angered me in any way. Yes, he made comments about other young people looking at young diabetics as "damaged goods". Not the best phrasing in the world, perhaps, but he didn't make out that these were his views. I thought that he seemed to be doing all that he could with patients who did not, for whatever reason, seem keen to listen to what he had to say.

Admittedly, the narration of the piece left something to be desired. I would have been happier if there had been stronger and clearer explanation of the differences in the two types, and each young person introduced by with the appropriate type, as only Yasmin, the young lady with Type 2 seemed to be identified by her type. I'm not a huge fan of 'diabetes' as an umbrella term. We're all one community, but there are fundamental differences which the public are not always best educated on. Until these differences are explicitly understood by the public at large, I'm of the opinion that the definitions should be repeated. This might take some time, but if we keep on repeating, we might well get there.

So on the whole, I feel that The Hospital has perhaps had a reception that it didn't deserve. It had its faults, and there was definite room for improvement, but if you watched it with the understanding of the type of show that it was, then that brief was filled. It was never going to be a positive, sunny show, displaying people with good management skills handling their diabetes well, overcoming day to day issues, and accomplishing amazing things. I hope that one day that will see the 'light' of broadcast time, but for now? There's not enough conflict in it. Conflict is drama, and drama is what the makers of The Hospital were after.

The D Team: We Did It!

2010-08-18T22:11:00.000+01:00

Well, I promised you all footage of the event, and here it is!

It turned out to be a glorious day, despite our fears (and best intelligence) that it was going to throw it down with rain. We had a few mishaps, some of which you can see on here, but mostly yours truly having a giant freak out on a cargo net after losing balance. I also had to wear a lovely 'special' harness done up with a wrench (sponsor us some more, and I'll show you footage of it being taken off!) because there was a 'risk I could pass out' whilst on an obstacle.

But here we go!

The D Team - Challenge Complete

2010-08-15T00:26:00.000+01:00

So today was the day. And we did it, in surprisingly nice weather after a Friday and early Saturday morning full of heavy downpours.

We got plenty of footage, and I'll be putting together a film over the next couple of days to show you what we got up to. For now though, as we've reached the 50% mark, which is amazing, it's important that we take a moment to say thank you, and think why we're doing this in the first place:

The D Team - The Official Vlog: Episode Four

2010-08-13T03:30:00.014+01:00

OK, YouTube is evil and will not let me upload this one. But I really want you guys to have a chance to see it.

However, Andrew "Hannibal" Dyer is a GENIUS, and managed to host it elsewhere :D

So if you would like to watch it (which I hope you will), just click here

The D Team - The Official Vlog: Episode Three

2010-08-11T09:44:00.000+01:00

Uploading on YouTube is REALLY slow! This was filmed, and would have otherwise been up last night if it hadn't been for the rate of upload.

Catch a glimpse of a rare thing - Andrew "Hannibal" Dyer has a go at presenting!

The D Team - The Official Vlog: Episode Two (Training: Day 46)

2010-08-03T23:45:00.004+01:00

As promised, here is the second episode of the 'Official Vlog' - now with new opening credits! Enjoy!

Guest Post: Stand By Me

2010-08-01T00:13:00.000+01:00

Well all, I'm now back at home. It has been a real joy to have all the wonderful guest posters here for the last week, and I'm thrilled to be putting up the final one.

As I was throwing the last pair of socks into a bag, and almost forgetting my hairbrush last Saturday morning, my laptop pinged at me to let me know that I had new mail.

It was so annoying that I had only five minutes to get out the door, and a week's worth of filtered internet access that wouldn't let me do any more than check my email, has meant that I've had to wait until getting back home to put up this wonderful post!

I was thrilled that Cherise agreed to end this series of guest posts, and she's done it in style, with a great piece on the DOC and social media. So I'll stop wittering on, and let her take over!

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I would like to thank Becky for inviting me to her side of the world! Thank you for allowing me to write a guest post.

Stand by me

The other day I came up with an idea. I spoke to Scott (husband), Scottie and George. The idea was hit with all of them so I decided to go ahead with it. Where to start? I wasn't sure. Who would participate? I did not know. What if it flopped?at least I could say I tried.

I wrote a blog post to introduce Diabetes Social Media Advocacy (#dsma) to my friends, the Diabetes Online Community. I hit publish. I waited. The comments made me smile because my friends wanted to standby me and support @DiabetesSocMed.

July 21, 2010 at 9 PM #DSMA made it's Twitter debut. There were a total of 77 people from different walks life, type 1's, type 2's, parents of children with diabetes and even a doctor. I was watching the tweets from my laptop, tweeting with my ipad and retweeting with my iphone. I could barely keep up! It was touching and FREAKING amazing!!! We discussed, vented, laughed and made new friends. I like to think of it as an hour of sweet goodness, education and awarness. It was sweet because of you (the DOC).

Thank you for standing by me and helping take our community to the next level. I can't wait to tweet with you all on Wednesdays. Diabetes Social Media Advocacy (#DSMA) was my idea but it was brought to life by you.

Be Blessed

Cherise

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And with that great post, I finish off a great week of guests. Thank you to each of you who've filled in for me this week - I'll gladly do the same for you any time!

I'm absolutely exhausted, but if not tomorrow, then certainly by Monday, we'll be back to 'regularly scheduled programming'

Guest Post: Making it Stronger

2010-07-28T19:00:00.001+01:00

Olivejooice is a blog I absolutely adore reading. Read this post, and I'm sure you'll see why. I'm so inspired by this lovely lady's sweet nature and determination. And she runs. My word, if you saw my last vlog, you'll know how rubbish I am at that, so I admire her all the more for it!

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Friendship. I’ve always been pretty shy and because of it, finding good friends has never been easy for me.

After I was diagnosed with diabetes, one of the first things I did after calling my mom was text my best friend at the time. Her reaction: That sucks. Mine: Yes, yes it does.

While learning the ropes of this new disease, I also learned how to navigate my friendships being newly diagnosed (and to this day I’m still learning). Who needs to know? Do I inject myself in front of them, or is that rude? Do I tell them the basics of low blood sugars?

Which friends need to learn how to give me a glucagon shot? Do I bring it up? Do I pretend it’s not there? Should I eat this cake in front of them? If I refuse the cake, am I giving them the wrong impression of diabetes? Will they think I can never have cake? Is it okay to ask them not to ask me about my blood sugar levels when I test?

Overall, diabetes doesn’t come up in most of my friendships (outside the D-OC, of course). Of my closest friendships, my childhood best friend doesn’t like to talk about it (I think this is because she worries), another friend has taken a “mother hen” approach and will at times wag her finger at my food choices and try to lecture me on the best way to treat my lows (at one point she said string cheese). Each friend has their own way of dealing with the fact that I have a chronic illness, but the fact is, diabetes doesn’t harm any of my friendships.

Recently, I learned my best friend (whom I refer to in my blog as Veronica) brought up something she did at my bachelorette party that I didn’t know about. After many hours and many drinks, my group of friends made their way back to the hotel room. I was already there with my friend May (we had the buddy system going on, and I went back earlier than the rest).

I remember being on the bed, the room spinning. Veronica came over with my contact case and meter in hand. “Take off your contacts and put them in here”

I obliged.

“Did you test your blood sugar”

“Wha? Yeah…I tested when I got here” I peered at her through a half closed eye.

“Hold out your hand” and with a prick, she tested for me (after a scwabble about my busted meter display, and me explaining that it pinged to my pump and I could see the numbers there).

What I didn’t know, was that Veronica also set an alarm on her phone to go off after a few hours, so that she could wake up and remind me to test my blood sugar again. I was amazed. How did she even know to do that? I didn’t even remember it.

Veronica and I hadn’t had the diabetes talk yet, I hadn’t explained low blood sugar with her, I never told her the affects of drinking with diabetes, I never asked her to make sure I was okay blood sugar wise that night. She just did it. When I asked her why, she said that she wasn’t questioning my ability to take care of myself, but that it’s easy to forget about things like that when we are all out having a good time. She wanted to make sure I was okay first hand.

Diabetes hasn’t harmed any of my relationships…but learning about Veronica’s actions that night, it certainly strengthened ours. She shouldn’t have had to keep an eye on me, but the fact that she did anyway speaks volumes about just how special of a friend she is. She took the time to learn about my disease simply because she wanted to know about it, for me. I love her so much for that!

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That was a really beautiful post - I think we all need to thank the 'Veronicas' in our lives!

Guest Post: Finding Home in a Faraway Place

2010-07-27T19:00:00.000+01:00

Tuesday already! Today's guest is Jacquie from Typical Type 1. I love what she said to me when she emailed this across to me. 'Diabetics of the world unite!'. Couldn't put it better myself. So I'll let her take it away with a story of a far off land...

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"How much do I bolus for a pan-fried fish with the head attached?"

It was the first time I'd ever asked myself that particular question. Then again, it was also the first time I'd ever been in Greece -- or anywhere outside of the United States, for that matter.

But there I was, on one of the peninsulas of Halkidiki, surrounded at the dinner table by my husband, his dear Greek friend George, George's mother, father, and wife, Eleni. Oh, and a plate full of fried-crisp whole fish: heads, tails, bones, fins, eyeballs and all.

We'd been in Europe for almost three weeks, and while I was thoroughly enjoying the adventure, I was also coming down with a debilitating case of homesickness. After all, foreign countries can be . . . pretty foreign. I'd noticed that the streets were home to little herds of stray dogs. Virtually everyone was a heavy smoker. The elevators counted the first floor as "0", and the 2nd floor as "1." And although the friends we stayed with spoke English, most of the conversations around us took place in Greek.

I might have succumbed to my homesickness if it wasn't for one amazing coincidence: Eleni, my husband's best friend's wife, has Type 1 diabetes -- and an insulin pump. See, I'm one of those dorks who will run shamelessly up to a complete stranger -- smile on face and pump in hand -- if I even see a hint of transparent plastic tubing peeking from his or her waistband. It's why I feel an instant connection to each and every D-OC'er, no matter where they're from or how old they are or even how long they've been living with diabetes. I can't help it.

From what I knew, Eleni was a little more reserved about her T1 status. She, too, had lived with the disease for well over a decade, so the ins and outs were old hat. She and her husband had just had their first child, and hers was a pregnancy without complications. Here was someone living the kind of diabetic life I'd always hoped for -- only on the other side of the world and without as many pets. Although she insisted that she could barely carry on a conversation in English, Eleni spoke the language better than some of my friends do. She explained to me what it was like trying to feed a baby when your blood sugar's in the 50's, and how her husband jokingly tossed a candy bar her way any time she started to get grumpy. Thinking back, I wish I'd asked her how to say "My blood sugar's low" in Greek.

That final evening of our stay in Halkidiki, I was pretty much ready to go home. I was upstairs, changing into the last clean outfit I had in my suitcase and borrowing Eleni's hairdryer before our dinner of fried fish. (I was dying for some Chick-Fil-A.) The doors between our two bedrooms were both open, and just as I was ready to head downstairs, I heard the noise that's the same in every language: "Ka-CHUNK!"

Of course, it was Eleni's infusion set inserter. I looked over and saw her in the familiar position: shirt pulled up to expose the site on her belly, neck craned as she looked down to smooth the edges of the site with with an alcohol swab. She glanced up, we smiled quietly at each other, and I descended the stairs to take my seat at the dinner table.

I haven't talked to Eleni much since we left Greece, but I hope to see her again in the near future -- either on our side of the pond or hers. Meeting her was one of the highlights of my trip.

Out loud, "How much do I bolus for a pan-fried fish with the head attached?" is a question that doesn't make much sense when I'm among English-speaking friends in the States. But across the table from Eleni, at that moment, asking it made me feel right at home.

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OK, now I totally want to go to Greece - makes my current trip to Harrogate sound positively mundane (which it is....)

Guest Post: Diabetes Has Made Me Many Things

2010-07-26T19:00:00.000+01:00

Kelly Kunik is awesome. There is no way around it.She's sweet, funny, and loves pirates as much as I do. She's also a kick ass diazon, who I respect as much as I like. So I was so pleased that she agreed to join in this week's line up of guests. I love this post, because it's so completely true.

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Diabetes Has Made Me Many Things

Diabetes has made me many things, most of them good.

Diabetes has made me AWARE. I pay attention to others and myself and by paying attention I’ve prevented myself from being hurt – and have prevented others from being hurt.

Diabetes has made me TOUGH. There are days when diabetes has “put me through the wringer,” and yet I’m still here. WHY? Because diabetes has made me pull myself up by my bootstraps, dust myself off, and continue on with life.

Diabetes has made me GENTLE. Yes, gentle in the sense that I understand what it’s like to not feel good, so I’m gentle with others who are having a bad day.

Diabetes has made me GRATEFUL for all of life’s blessings, big and small. I’m grateful for Drs Banting & Best and their great brains.

Diabetes has made me APPRECIATIVE. I appreciate the little things like; correctly bolusing for an unknown food, finding unopened infusion sets in old hand bags, and uber appreciative of a darn near empty insulin reservoir that didn’t crap out completely until I made it home from work.

Diabetes has made me see the FUNNY. I can laugh at infusion sets gone awry, unexpected interrogations by the “Diabetes Police,” and pump batteries needing to be changed at the most inopportune of times. There’s more funny moments in a diabetes life, but the above will do for now.

Diabetes has given me the gift of a BULL SHIT FILTER - a wonderful mechanism in the brain that allows PWDs (people with diabetes) to see through the bullshit that life throws our way and focus on what’s really important.

Diabetes has given me a COMMUNITY and has surrounded me with others who live daily with diabetes (or have family members that do) who speak the language of diabetes without uttering the d-word.

They welcome me with open arms and hearts and allow me to do the same. And my COMMUNITY continually teaches and always makes me feel loved.

I consider them family and will love and protect them to the best of my ability.

Diabetes has helped make me.

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Thank you so much for that, Kelly! If you haven't been following her blog already, where have you been? I insist that you go there now. Go on, I'll even link it for you. There you go....no excuse!

Guest Post: The Ink That Speaks

2010-07-25T19:00:00.001+01:00

Chris is brand new on the DOC scene, and I'm thrilled to have her posting today. Her blog, Canadian D-gal, is a really worth a read. I'm also really looking forward to trying her recipe from the first batch of D-Feast recipes!

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I was diagnosed with diabetes in the summer of 2002 at the age of 22. Before diagnosis I was a regular adventure seeker. My hobbies included rock climbing, scuba diving, Mountain biking, Snow boarding, backpacking… the list goes on (AND ON). None of these things stopped upon diagnosis. Just the preparations became harder. Suddenly it was more than just throwing on my shoes and going for a run.

I am not one for jewelry; I find it annoying and cumbersome. I once owned a Medic-Alert ID bracelet that looked like a sports band. The bracelet didn’t last long before I just stopped wearing it because it bothered me. Over the years I have continued to be just as active in the outdoors as ever but have never really stopped to think about the repercussions if something did “HAPPEN”. I am with people sometimes but more often than not I do these things alone. And anyone that knows me well knows I am constantly pushing my limits and biting off more than I can chew. Often barely making it home some days. I've been known to make a phone call or two because I've ridden my bike too far and can't make it back. I can’t count how many times I had to walk the rest of the run, or stop on the side of the road during a ride. Sure I can go everywhere with my cell phone but that is not always trustworthy.

I have never uttered the words “WHAT IF?” What IF something happened? What IF I wasn’t able to speak? I've never asked that question because I was terrified to come to terms with the reality that something could easily happen. I’ve managed to go 8 years without running into an emergency situation that I couldn’t handle. With my lifestyle and stubbornness, that surprises me. However, putting myself out there almost every day in compromising situations I feel like I’m a walking talking emergency waiting to happen. Maybe I’ve done well for myself over the years but I’ve come close, on a few occasions. I’ve got to stop going along waiting for something bad to happen to give me a reason to look out for myself. After all, I’m usually alone and there is nobody there to look out for me but me. I’ve got to stop giving myself the benefit of the doubt and DO something proactive.

I thought about medic alert jewelry but I just couldn’t bring myself to actually wear any of it. I thought about those shoe ID tags but I do so many different things I’d have to move it around from running shoe to cycling shoe to roller blade to hiking boot, or buy many of them. It didn’t seem like the right thing. A Tattoo seemed like the right decision for me. NOT only do I never have to worry about breaking it or loosing it. I don’t have to wear jewelry! It’s there through all the running, bouncing, spinning, sweating, swimming etc. It will never fall off or get damaged or scratched. It’s clear and legible and obvious and PERMANENT! No matter where I go, or what I do, it will always speak for me when maybe I can’t. So I researched and designed it for a long time and this past Saturday I had it done and I love it! It has a recognizable medic-alert logo with the red symbol. It also has the blue universal ring to symbolize diabetes. And in clear text it says DIABETES TYPE 1.

More important than anything else, diabetes is life-long. Unfortunately it’s not going away any time soon and THAT, my friends, is the ugly truth about it. My tattoo is more than medic alert, This will speak for me for the rest of my life.

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I love this post, because it shows how different we all are, and how we make life with D work for us. I myself would never get a tattoo, but I think Chris' is clean and tasteful, and if I ever were to get one, it would probably be something rather like this!

Guest Post: Normal

2010-07-24T19:00:00.002+01:00

I'm thrilled to be kicking off this Guest Post Week with a post from the unbelievably lovely Cara, from Every Day, Every Hour, Every Minute. She's a kindred spirit in terms of her love for cupcakes, baking and musical theatre. One day we will HAVE to see a show together - maybe when she wins the UK lottery, as so many spam emails keep telling her she has!

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Normal. That word can be totally overrated at times. What is it? What is normal? My normal could be very different from your normal. Our normal could be vastly different from the normal of a movie star or a politician.

To me, normal is getting up every day and living my life with diabetes. Testing, blousing, counting carbs. Quarterly doctors visits, yearly eye doctor visits, and always carrying around a juice box and all the things for an emergency pump site change. All of this is part of my life other than the standard work, friends, and church.

Even within our diabetes community, our “normal” can be very different. Each of us lives every day with different expectations of ourselves and our diabetes. My high or low marker may be totally different from yours. I have a friend who has diabetes who would be thrilled with my A1c results from the past couple of times. I, however, would like a lower number. Her normal is different from mine. It doesn’t make either of us “right,” it just makes us different.

Some of us like a low-carb diet. Others don’t. Some of us have to deal with things other than diabetes like celiac or asperger syndrome. Some of us pump, some of us don’t. Some use CGMS. Some don’t.

One of the best things about the D-OC is that, for the most part, we accept each other for what “normal” may mean to each individual person. We congratulate each other for a “good “ A1c number, while that same number for the next person may be a disappointment and that person needs encouragement and a “better luck next time”.

Individuality in diabetes is just like individuality in any other part of life. It isn’t always about what’s “right” or “wrong” or “good” or “bad”. It is just about what makes you, you. Finding your comfortable place and striving for it.

This community is about the support that we give each other and the support we get in return. Because if there’s one thing I’ve learned in life it’s that I need support in my journey. Especially support in this journey of life with diabetes.

So, D-OC, I encourage you to find your normal and embrace it. And understand that it isn’t always about a number, or a test result. It’s about finding where you are comfortable and healthy and shooting for that goal. And knowing that when it comes right down to it, you can always turn on your computer or your iPhone and find a whole community of people who have their own normal and support you in finding yours.

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Thanks for that post, Cara! You make a really, really good point!

D-Feast Friday - Shortbread

2010-07-23T23:41:00.000+01:00

So, inspired by all the others out there in the DOC posting amazing recipes for D-Feast Friday, I thought I would get in on the action, and share with you my recipe for shortbread. I make it with Splenda, and to be honest, it's such a butter heavy recipe, you don't need a lot of sugar in it. However, it is totally not endorsed as healthy eating!

Ingredients:

250g butter (you could use margarine, but butter gives a better texture)
If you wanted to do straight sugar, you want 140g of caster sugar. However, I use 40g caster sugar, and 8 tablespoons of Splenda, and it works fine
300g sifted plain flour
1 egg yolk 1 tsp vanilla essence
2 tsp allspice.
Optional, but some 70% dark chocolate. Lindt works well

Preheat the over to 180 degrees centigrade.

Cream the butter and sugar/Splenda until the butter is nice and soft. Stir in the egg yolk
Gently stir in the flour, vanilla essence and allspice. It gets pretty difficult about half way through adding the flour, but keep with it!
It should form a firm dough ball. You might need to flour your hands and get them in there to get it all together
Dust your work surface and rolling pin with flour, and roll out the dough
Use a 6mm cutter and start cutting shapes. It should make 20-25 biscuits
Place them on a greased baking tray, or one lined with greaseproof paper (my preferred method - you'll see why later)
When your trays are full, place on a centre shelf for about 15 minutes, until gently golden
Leave them to cool on a wire cooling rack. If you've used greaseproof paper, leave it underneath
Once they're cool, melt your chocolate over a pan of water, and drizzle 'artistically' over the biscuits, and leave to set

If you store them in an airtight tin, they'll last for ages!

So that's my contribution! Now, I'm going to be away all this coming week, so I'll be handing proceedings over to a lovely group of guest posters! Thank you so much to everyone who has written for me - I can't wait to share what you've come up with.

Training wise, I think this coming week's lifting, carrying (and a bit of swimming) won't be a slack-off!

The D Team - The Official Vlog: Episode One (Training: Day 30)

2010-07-18T21:07:00.001+01:00

So I decided to try running in the 'real world'. I made a vlog. Hopefully Episode 2 will be coming later this week. Apologies again for the weird helicopter sound over parts of the audio. One day I will work out why it does that, I swear!

Hitting The Wall

2010-07-16T23:42:00.000+01:00

So that's two days in a row that I'm talking about hitting things. I promise you that I'm not a violent person, really!

I had to force myself out of bed this morning, and it took half an hour longer than it normally does. I knew from the start that this morning's workout was going to be a difficult one.

I did my weights - now up to 10 chest fly reps per set, which is great, but after that, I just couldn't bring myself to turn on the Wii and do the rest of my routine. I sat on the carpet with the weights beside me for a few minutes. Right then I just wanted to go back to bed. I didn't want to do this any more. I'd really just had enough. Why was I doing this, when I was tired? What was the point?

The point is that I've committed to a fundraising challenge. JDRF are worth my being tired. It's about getting money for hours of crucial research. It's about support for the newly diagnosed when they're overwhelmed, and a voice for all Type 1's. It's about care until a cure.

So I ran did a 20 minute free run. It wasn't my whole routine, but it kept me going. For the first time doing 20 minutes instead of 10, I didn't think 5.5k was too bad.

I'm also thinking about getting hold of a Rufus the Bear to take with us as a mascot - what do you guys think? I could make him a little camouflage outfit? I keep laughing as well, because Orange (mobile phone company) currently have huge cardboard cut-outs of all the actors from the A-Team remake in their shops. Shall I go and get my picture taken with them?

Now, I have to say a huge thank you to Dana from I Already Gave My Right Arm To Be Ambidextrous! She commented on my last post to let me know she'd given me the Versatile Blogger Award! This is my first blogging award, so I'm thrilled!

Rule #1: Thank the person who gave you the award.

That would be Dana Morton from I Already Gave My Right Arm To Be Ambidextrous! Seriously, thank you!

Rule #2: Share seven things about yourself.

1: I'm learning the ukulele at work. Sometimes my job is awesome

2. I kill all plants, which really makes me sad, because I love them

3. For a long time, I really didn't understand what Twitter was about. Now I'm hooked

4. I'm always nervous getting on and off escalators, because I'm scared they'll eat my trouser cuffs

5. The first night I was in hospital with DKA, I slept in my clothes, because they'd hooked me up to the syringe driver before I could get changed, and I was too nervous/embarrassed to ask how I was supposed to take my shirt off without taking it out

6. I cannot do a front roll, back roll, cartwheel or handstand

7. I moult everywhere. There's something about my hair that makes me think I must be part feline

Rule #3: Pass the award onto 15 bloggers who you have recently discovered and you think are are fantastic!!

Not all of these are 'recently' discovered, but they are certainly all fantastic!

1. Kelly @ Diabetesaliciousness™

2. Chris @ A Consequence of Hypoglycemia

3. Olivejooice

4. Alexis-Nicole @ Justice's Misbehaving Pancreas

5. Holly @ Arnold and Me

6. Lorraine @ This is Caleb

7. Ginger @ For Bete's Sake!

8. George @ NinjaBetic

9. Michael @ The Diabetic's Corner Booth

10. Allison @ Lemonade Life

11. Alan @ Poems For Active Diabetics

12. Cara @ Every Day, Every Hour, Every Minute

13. Rachael @ Flimsy the Kitten

14. Chris @ The Life of a Diabetic

15. Chris @ Type 1 Tidbits

Just picking 15 was really hard!

Hitting the High Notes

2010-07-15T23:02:00.001+01:00

If you know me in real life, you'll know I love to sing. I know I can hold a tune, and I like to think that I'm not half bad at holding one either. Again, if you know me well, you'll know that I have, as Andrew puts it, 'Rain Man' skills for remembering songs. Which means that I'm a veritable juke-box (or Spotify, in this digital age) when you get down to it. I can usually think of a song for every given situation.

I love musical theatre. It was, and still is really, what I've always wanted to do. I just love it. I love the colour, the drama, the energy and raw emotion. I always wanted my moment to be the leading lady. Never got it, sadly.

But wait a minute! Surely we're are all the leading ladies and leading men of our own lives?! If we're not, then who is? Are we not deserving our chance to belt out our favourite numbers?

This past year with T1 has also given me so much in the way of drama. From reading all the blogs and tweets out there I know that from day to day, so many of you out there in the DOC have such amazing stories in your lives. We have the highs and the lows, both emotional and literal, and I think there are a whole bunch of stories out there that are worth of songs full of money-notes.

So get up and belt out your song, whether that's figuratively or literally. I've got the flat to myself - you can bet I've been hitting the high notes tonight! What do you think, guys? DOC - The Musical?

On a side note, a HUGE thank you to Chris for giving The D-Team a plug today. You get to choose your own song, Chris!

Training: Day 25 - Wonder Woman and Me

2010-07-13T22:10:00.000+01:00

Tomorrow will be the 14th July. Which means there is just over a month to go until The D Team challenge takes place.

I've managed a couple of interesting things. I've moved up my weights, so that I'm using dumbbells weighing 10lb each, instead of the 5lb ones I was using before. I'd been finding doing chest flys unbelievably difficult with this weight increase, but I've pushed through and had a bit of a breakthrough this morning. I wasn't completely trashed after doing my set amount of reps! Hoorah! That means that I can start thinking about doing the amount of flys that I did with the 5lbs now!

I've also twice now managed to break the 3k mark whilst doing ten minute free running on the Wii Fit. That's been one of my goals, so I'm chuffed to have managed to do it. Now, I know of course, that these are 'Wii Distances', not real world ones, but I'm still pleased.

All in all, I've been finding doing these workouts before work difficult, but I have found myself enjoying them as well, which is pretty great, because although I've loved going to the gym whenever I've been able to afford it, I've never exactly been one for sticking to 'in my front room' type exercise. I have to attribute a good deal of this to encouragement from the wonderful Ginger Vieira. She's been really helpful, giving me advice via Twitter (yes, I am a hooked convert), and pointing me in the right direction. If you're after inspiration, I suggest looking at her latest vlog. See, women can do weights! Oh and Ginger, if you're reading, notice how I also slipped 'chuffed' in again, for you? ;)

You might be wondering what the heck the picture of someone dressed as Wonder Woman is doing on today's post. Maybe you're not - you might be wondering about something else. But I'm going to assume that you are for a moment. Admittedly, it's not the first time I've had Wonder Woman pay a visit, but this is not about that. For a really long time, I've so badly wanted an excuse to dress up as her. I haven't, for several reasons. First up, I haven't really had occasion. That's one of the main reasons. However, I've never felt comfortable getting my legs out. I don't like having them on show, and the only time I ever wear anything shorter than just above the knee is in bed, or if I'm going swimming. I just don't like my thighs - no-one really needs to see that, at the end of the day! They're about the size of Shropshire.

However, in the next fortnight I have the opportunity to dress up. But I noticed this morning, after doing my workout, that my thighs in general felt different. By that, I mean, more toned and not as flabby. Sure, this is almost certainly psychological, because I doubt that the fruit of my workouts would show this quickly. But I'm going to keep telling myself it's real. That way, I'll have another reason to keep it up after the challenge is done!

In an attempt to cross another thing off The List though, I've had Andrew buying me costume things off Ebay. On top of him harassing customer services over my laptop on my behalf. He is on his holiday - I should really leave him alone! Thank you, Andrew - you did help me get the laptop back!

I've also been 'let loose' today! I'm guest blogging for Allison at Lemonade Life today. Please do have a wander over there and check it out, particularly if you've not read her blog before - it's always a good read!

Mixed Bag

2010-07-10T00:27:00.000+01:00

Mixed bag of short updates tonight. First up, my laptop should be back in my hands at the start of the coming week - hooray! I have missed it dearly.

Second up - The D-Team Challenge has now in fact been booked. We'll be undertaking this madness on Saturday 14th August at 9:30am. We now have all four members of the team, and with the imminent return of the laptop, this means I can vlog for you all. With the challenge date now in sight, both training and fundraising can begin in earnest. I'd be very appreciative if those of you who are regulars here could help spread the word about what we're doing, and try and help gather support and funds. It's all for JDRF at the end of the day. That's what I keep telling myself when I don't want to do another ten arm and leg lifts.

In other news, I now have a date for my pump clinic appointment. Had a bit of clash, but managed to reschedule it for 3rd August.

There's A Hole In My Bucket

2010-07-07T23:47:00.000+01:00

Some days are harder than others. I think we all know that. If you think I'm talking rubbish, then I'm sorry, but I think you're kidding yourself.

Anyway. After trying to counteract a long string of higher numbers, I decided to up my basal, and my morning ratio. I overbolused for lunch on the first day of this, so I switched back to my old ratio. Still getting hypos.

These hypos have had practically no warnings, which scares me. I've reduced my basal back, so fundamentally resetting all the changes. But was it the basal? Was it the bolus? Was it the hour workouts in the morning before breakfast or any insulin?

It is like I've got a bucket full of water that I'm trying to keep hold of. Shame the bucket is full of holes then, really, isn't it?

Training Update:
I've now doubled the weight of my dumbbells, so I'm now using two 10lb weights, instead of two 5lb ones. That means I've taken my sets down to 10 presses, 5 chest flys and 10 biceps curls. I've also switched from running a lap to doing free runs, so I can see the distance more accurately. 10 minute free run so far, has given me 2k 78m, and 2k and 69m. Hopefully I can break the 3k mark soon...

Training: Day 17 - Sharing the Joy

2010-07-05T23:58:00.000+01:00

Just so you know that it's not just me training for this madness, I challenged Andrew to take on my workout routine this evening. He did. So I took pictures.

Loading up the Wii Fit, and putting together my usual routine on his profile, I got the response of 'that's quite....thorough', which I actually found to be reassuring! I had been worrying that the whole thing was too wussy, or too easy. I am however, now told that it is not.

To be honest, I would have been satisfied with an assessment of the Wii Fit routine, but to his credit, Andrew wanted to do the whole thing, just as I do it. Which meant starting with the weights. They look ridiculously small in his hands, and after advice from Ginger, I plan to up the weight of my dumbbells, starting from tomorrow. Andrew has a much better general level of fitness and strength than I do, so the weights and ab crunches were no problem for him.

Yoga, which I've always thought Andrew had problems with, since he struggles to balance on one leg, didn't seem to be too much of an issue tonight. I was very impressed with his balance - and slightly miffed that my own isn't as good! However, I was rather pleased to receive the reminder that he is actually human, rather than an exercise-droid, when the air got a little blue during his attempt at the Grounded V. I hate that one too.

I'm also rather convinced that the female equivalent of the Wii Fit Guy (Wii Fit Girl, I suppose?) is really quite shamelessly flirty. It's a touch concerning, and reminds me exactly why I have Wii Fit Guy as my trainer, even if I want to wallop him over the head with something the majority of the time.

The muscle exercises didn't cause much of a problem either, except for ones where you have to stand on one leg. Until we got to the Parallel Stretch. That thing is evil, and I'm starting to think this might be a fact universally acknowledged. I've yet to find a person who enjoys doing this, and if I did, I'd be a bit scared of them, to tell you the truth!

Lastly, an 'island lap' on the jogging option. I always, for some unknown reason, managed to score a better 'burn rate' on this than Andrew does. I really, really don't understand how. He did really well today though, and managed to do the lap in 10 minutes, which I didn't think was possible, and scored a personal best on the burn rate. All in all, I say a very well done to him for doing it. And having just asked him, what was his final verdict on the workout as a whole?

It is not a wussy workout - it's actually rather difficult...

Yey! I'm not a total wuss! Now to see if I can get Rob and Tom to take on the challenge, perhaps.

In other news, we've made it up to 4% of the total fundraising goal! Thank you so much to those of you who have donated already - you're absolute champions. As promised, I will be booking the date this week. I'm just waiting for news from Amsterdam to finalise the dates. I love that that sounds dreadfully exotic, but isn't really! Our fundraising pack from JDRF also turned up today, which I'm rather impressed with, and I'll be looking at that in great detail over the next couple of days.

Oh and yes, I did do this routine myself this morning. I didn't just watch Andrew do it!

Training: Day 16 - Under the Microscope

2010-07-04T23:45:00.000+01:00

Post DuckTales evening, I am really quite tired today. I think it is somewhat to my credit though that I managed to do my workout yesterday, and first thing after getting up today.

Woke up this erm...."morning", got a drink, took a couple of painkillers and went back to my bed. Then decided this was a pointless endeavour, threw on my workout clothes, and headed to the gym. By the way, when I say "gym", please read "my living room, with Andrew's weights and the Wii Fit". If I had money, I would have a gym membership for certain. I do actually, rather perversely, love the gym. Always got a real buzz after a good workout. But I digress. I thought I would share my slightly revamped current workout with you, in the hopes that this might help me track my progress, and perhaps those of you who are more experienced, might be able to advise me on the way to go/what I'm doing right or wrong.

I-pod on, weights in hand, I do four sets of the following, currently with two 5lb weights (10lb total, obviously)

Bench Press (with dumbbells, not barbells) - 15 reps
Chest Fly - 10 reps
Biceps Curls - 10 reps

Which comes to a total of 140 reps. Then 20 abdominal crunches. Sounds wussy, I know, but I find these really hard to do, so even 20 is a bit of an accomplishment at the moment.

The move on to the Wii Fit. I start off with some yoga, as I'm also trying to improve my balance, and some of these poses are actually really difficult! After beginning with some deep breathing, to try and get my focus, I go on to the following (searching for the images of these was bizarre, as many of the poses have different names to what I'm used to!):

Warrior
Half Moon
Sun Salutation
Downward Facing Dog
Bridge
Grounded V
Standing Knee
Cobra

Moving on from yoga, I go to the muscle workout section, and do some exercises from there.

Single Leg Extension (6 reps on each leg)
Lunge (10 reps on each leg)
Sideways Leg Lift (10 reps on each leg)
Tricep Extension (10 reps on each arm)
Arm & Leg Lift (10 reps on each arm and leg)
Side Lunge (10 reps on each side)
Parallel Stretch (30 seconds)

After doing that, and being told by the Wii Fit Guy that 'you were very unsteady there', as he always does, I move onto a 12 minute jog round the 'island'. Saturday I managed a burn rate of 208%, and 253% today.

Finished off today with about quarter of an hour of rhythm boxing. Now hopefully, I can carry on with this revamped routine. Anyone out there got any thoughts, suggestions or comments?

Plan this week - book the challenge date. Cue the ominous music...

DuckTales induced hypos

2010-07-02T23:49:00.000+01:00

My work sometimes takes me to some odd places. Today it was ASDA (big name supermarket for you US-ers. Think Walmart). We have a party hire in the theatre tomorrow, and we had to go and buy alcohol for making cocktails. Tomorrow night I'm making cocktails, baby. For the record, for some unknown reason, this has made me have DuckTales theme in my head al day. Or more specifically, Garfunkel & Oates going 'DuckTales! Woohoo!'. But I digress.

So I've been trying to get some high numbers back under control. I've tweaked my basal slightly, and altered my morning ratio. Both these seem to be working, but it appears that for my lunch, I either over 'guestimated' the carbs, or over bolused. Or, which is more likely, a bit of both. Which meant I was walking over to get limes, and suddenly went 'ok, things are starting to wave around a little bit here. Better check things'.

Numberwang says 2.4mmol/l (43mg/dl). That would be why then. Have some Glucotabs, buy some chocolate, because hey, as slow acting carb it works for me, and I can get hold of pretty much any that I want, since I'm smack bang in the middle of the supermarket. Sit down in the cafe. Eat the chocolate. Feel sick.

Now, it takes me full on forty minutes, and a second go at Glucotabs and chocolate to get myself to 4.1mmol/l (73 mg/dl). I then spend the rest of the afternoon dancing around high numbers. I tried not to test too much, but I was at least 11mmol/l (198 mg/dl) for most of the afternoon.

Better luck tomorrow. But hey, I learned how to make Ginger G&T's, Mojitos and Tijuana Slings this afternoon. It also turns out that ASDA now sells FairTrade lemons. So it's not all bad, I suppose.

Quitting Time?

2010-06-30T21:27:00.000+01:00

Today ends two straight months of NaBloPoMo. Two months? I must have been crazy! Well, You've probably guessed that I'm not signing up to make it three months. Don't worry, I'm not going anywhere, but I may -shock, horror- have a day off soon!

What happened this evening though, was that I stared at this empty screen. And stared at it. Then stared some more. I could not think of a darn thing to write about. So I complain on Twitter, out of sheer desperation. Cara and Chris came to my rescue with the suggestion of memes, and Plinky. Whilst I am not directly doing either, they gave me a springboard.

It would have been very easy, even with just one day left, to have just quit. There would have been a sense of not having finished what I started, but I could have done it. Then it occured to me. I've been writing here over a year now, because I posted my first post on 23rd June, 2009. That surprised me! I honestly thought that I would have quit this before now, because I didn't really think that anyone would read, and if they did, they wouldn't really care about what I had to say.

So, how surprising it was to instead of quitting, I ended up finding a whole wealth of amazing, inspiring people to draw knowledge and strength from. I also found friends. Some of whom, I believe even care about the ramblings that I jot down here.

So instead of quitting time, I say here's to another year of my random musings, soap box ranting, and hopefully successful fundraising.

What I would like to do is say a big thank you to all of you. To everyone who has ever sent me a tweet, an email, written a guest post, commented on a post, given me advice, become my friend on Facebook, listened to me moan, or even just read and never 'said' a word.

Here's a toast to you...you can choose which one!

Wish You Were Here

2010-06-29T21:09:00.000+01:00

I've been reading the action on Twitter with a great deal of interest today. It seems like a huge proportion of the DOC are at the Roche Diabetes Social Media Summit in Orlando.

I'll be honest, I'm more than a little bit jealous. I would love to be there, putting in some face-time for the UK, and having the chance to meet some of the amazing people I've been getting to know online for the past year. So it's been fascinating reading the absolute flood of tweets coming from everyone there. Seems to have been more than a few ups and downs in some people getting there, but aside from that, a good time appears to be being had by all there. I'm very much looking forward to reading everyone's reports of the thing as a whole.

The question that comes to my mind though, is why don't we have anything like this over here? Or do we, and I've simply not been able to find it?

At any rate, I would love to be there to 'represent' next year. And if anyone wants to drop me a postcard from this year, I wouldn't say no!

The D Team

2010-06-28T20:25:00.000+01:00

Last week, I gave you the full run down of the challenge I was planning to undertake to raise money for JDRF. Today, I'm kicking off the fundraising.

I've already had an email from the JDRF offices, and they're sending me out a fundraising pack. On my end, I've set up the info HQ for the challenge. Take a look at The D-Team Page. On there are all the details about who we are, what we're doing and why.

I've also set up a Just Giving page here, and I'd really love it if you could consider donating. Every penny that's donated, whether it's through Just Giving, or if you want to send a cheque, will be donated to JDRF. If you're even considering sponsoring me and my idiocy, a huge thank you from the bottom of my heart.

The one big way that you guys could help me would be to tell others. Tweet the page, download the badge (made by the amazing Chris - thank you!) and display it on your blog, or website for a while. Tell your friends on Facebook, or a forum.

We're hoping to raise at least £500.00 - there's no way we can do that without your help.

It's time to get started! xx

Appointment Time

2010-06-27T22:56:00.000+01:00

Just a short one tonight. I sent an email to my DSN earlier this week, covering a few things. One of the points of discussion I also covered back in May, when I talked about my concerns over insulin sensitivity.

Many of you gave me advice on what to do regarding learning more about pumping, and I've been asked if I want an appointment with the pump team to discuss the whole issue.

I figure it can't hurt to go along and talk to them, right? It's not like I'm committing to anything, and it's not as though I'm wasting their time. It might be interesting to discuss my suitability with them.

So that's an email to be written tomorrow, then!

Missing the Moment

2010-06-26T23:29:00.000+01:00

I went out for dinner on Friday with Nick. Tapas - yummy!

Since the food seemed to arrive in parts, I decided to shoot for food as it came out. So some bread first, and then for some spicy tomato and potato things afterwards. Seemed to work in the end. However, we were set to leave, and I popped into the loos, and just as I was washing my hands, I realised that I hadn't actually done the second part of the injection.

Now, I'm a firm believer of never hiding away injections - I have nothing to be ashamed of, and I would never choose to inject in a toilet over somewhere else. Yet, I just couldn't be bothered to go into the middle of the restaurant and do it there, so I decided to do it by the sinks. Just as I was inserting the needle, a little boy (maybe two or three?) and his mum came out of one of the stalls. As she helped him wash his hands, he looked at what I was doing, and turned to his mum and asked what I was 'putting in my tummy'. She didn't answer him.

I wish I'd been a bit quicker off the mark to understand what he was saying. I don't understand the voices of small children well, so it wasn't until that point where it just becomes a bit too late to reply back that I worked out what he'd been saying. So I just smiled at them, and finished what I was doing.

I should have said it was 'medicine', but I missed my moment. And I think for some reason, that will always bother me a little bit.

Last night's report

2010-06-25T23:53:00.006+01:00

So, yesterday I told you that I managed to get over myself, and actually perform at an open mic night. Hooray! That's one to cross off the list. I've had a couple of people ask me about this on Facebook. To answer these questions:

1: I sang a song called 'Out The Door', by Kate Micucci (watch it on YouTube!) Most people haven't ever heard this song, and they're more likely to have come across her as either Gooch on Scrubs, or as part of Garfunkel & Oates

2: There is no video, as I didn't take my pocket-cam with me. Maybe next time! Andrew did take a couple of photos though, as seen here. Sadly the lighting wasn't particularly flattering to either me or photography in general

It did not go perfectly. I did made mistakes, and I was unbelievably nervous. Andrew suggested I try a bit of Dutch courage to 'bring down the nerves, and bring down the crazy' - or something to that effect! So I had a rather large glass of wine first, which is a dangerous chance for me, really, as I'm a notoriously easy drunk. Sometimes one glass is all it takes for me.

But I did it. It was terrifying, but it was great as well. All the people there were really lovely and supportive. I'm only really sad that where we went is so far out that it might very well be difficult to go out there again, as I don't drive.

Training wise: I did my workout proper yesterday. Today I did my weights, but not the WiiFit routine, because I didn't go to bed til very late, and spent the whole day walking around a theme park.

Many thanks for all the lovely sorts who have offered to fill in for me here whilst I'm away for a week next month. I do still have one spot left, so do send me an email if you're interested in writing a guest post.

On another note, I must apologise if you've been waiting for a reply to an email, comment, or private message from me for a while. My laptop has not been working for some time now, and I currently don't have it in my possession. I'm using Andrew's laptop to blog, which means I don't often get time to respond to most emails. So if you've not had a reply from me over anything, that's why. Oh, and I have my friend Nick visiting this weekend, so I'm rather tied up over the next few days!

I did it!

2010-06-24T23:36:00.003+01:00

Just a quick note, because I'm very tired now!

No boat trip, because I missed the last one going out. But I DID play at open mic. It went slightly wrong, but I'm told really no-one noticed.

Photographic evidence tomorrow.

Things I've Never Done

2010-06-23T23:55:00.000+01:00

I have a bit of a list, that I add to as I think of things. It's not quite a 'bucket list', but rather a list of things that I've never done, and want to get round to doing.

So far this year, I've crossed climbing a tree off that list. I've quite a few things on there, which vary from visiting Italy to actually seeing a firefly. Between now and Sunday, I'm hoping to cross one, and possibly two things off the list.

Number one is going on a boat. No, seriously, I've never done it. Lots of people find this bewildering, but I honestly haven't. Boat cruise down the River Ouse - oh yeah.

Number two isn't a definite, but a strong possibility. This is playing my guitar in front of people. Singing at the same time, obviously. Of course I've sung in front of people many, many times before, but I've never successfully made my way through playing a song on a guitar in public.

I'm very nervous about it, and I'm not sure if it will actually happen. I feel it's probably going to be more of a case of putting my guitar in the car, and seeing whether or not I chicken out when I get there. I'm having a lot of problems as well with my fingers causing me pain on the fretboards, where I lance. Serious ouchies.

Anyway, I'll let you know what happens.

In other news, workout was HARD this morning. I did not want to get out of bed, and I almost stopped half way through, because my arms were hurting me an awful lot. Thankfully I managed to get through it.

Something went rather wrong with my bolus for dinner tonight, and I ended up at somewhere between 14mmol/l and 16mmol/l (252-288 mg/dl). Managed to do a decent correction though, and at last check I was at 4.9mmol/l (88mg/dl). So I'll probably end up actually having to eat something before going to bed, as it turns out!

Training: Day Four - That's what I'm talking about!

2010-06-22T22:57:00.000+01:00

Hoorah! The Wii Fit Guy actually had some nice things to say to me this morning! Which was good, because I needed to hear him say something nice.

So, I promised to tell you what this was all for. Here we go!

What is it about?

It's about me, and friends (who will now be referred to as The D Team!) taking on a high wire obstacle course in Dalby Forest, Yorkshire. The date is yet to be securely fixed, but it will either be in mid August or very early September.

The course in question is run by a company called Go Ape. Since they themselves say it best, this is what they describe themselves as:

...we build giant obstacle courses up in the trees using ladders, walkways, bridges and tunnels made of wood, rope and super-strong wire, and top it all off with the country’s best zip lines (including the longest at 426 metres – check it out on You Tube).

We then kit people out with harnesses, pulleys and karabiners, give them a 30 minute safety briefing and training and let them loose into the forest canopy, free to swing through the trees.

So that's zip wires, nets, tunnels, bridges. Oh, did I mention I'm claustrophobic, and I still have remaining issues with heights? Quite honestly, I'm also not in the right shape to take on a challenge like this. Which is why it's a challenge at the end of the day! Let's see what the course we're taking on has to offer during the two-three hours that it's estimated to take to complete it:

Highest point: Site 4 Zip Wire 35m
Longest Zip Wire: Site 4 Zip Wire 250m
Longest crossing: Indian Bridge (site 3) 15m
Total length of all crossings: 888m
Number of crossings: 37
Number of sections: 6

I will complete this. Why am I doing it? I want to raise money for JDRF. I know I'm not alone in thinking this is an amazing charity that is doing really important work. They need our help. If that means I have to do something stupid, something beyond my capabilities, and something that's going to be really hard work for me, so that I can try and support them as much as I can - well, then I'm going to do it.

I'll be keeping you updated along the way, with more training reports, videos (almost certainly complete with the A Team theme tune, I'm sure), and more. What I'm hoping for is your support.

I will be setting up a fixed page on here in the next couple of days, with all the details - details of the event, members of The D Team, and links to a page where you can make secure donations if you feel so inclined (which I hope you do!) I hope that when these details are up, you'll help spread the word, so you can all watch my quite probable humiliation, and help the team raise money for a fantastic cause.

No, it's not a marathon in the literal sense, but getting ready for this is going to be just as gruelling for me, if not more.

And that's Day Four

Training: Day Three - morning has broken

2010-06-21T22:08:00.000+01:00

I was determined that I would get up this morning, and do my work out before heading off to work.

I've not exactly made a secret of the fact that my sleep routine is rubbish. I struggle to get up. However, if I know I have to get up for a thing, I'll quite often wake up hours in advance, because I'll be paranoid about oversleeping.

So, I aim to get up at 7:40, so I can do weights, jogging, my 20 minute yoga/general exercises, and a few of the balance games. What time am I awake?

5:30am. Urgh. Of course it is. I'm not going to get up then, though! But can I get back to sleep? No, not really. So I did get up eventually.

And....drumroll, please! I did work out! I was a good girl!

Now, just the other how many days until the event happens to go...

Training: Day Two - I already want to punch the Wii Fit guy

2010-06-20T23:03:00.000+01:00

The Wii Fit guy. If you've played Wii Fit at all, you know who he is. That's not even the right guy, I think, but it's the best shot I could find.

He's the 'trainer' who leads you through all the muscle and yoga exercises. I've not selected the female trainer, because I don't think I could cope with a perfectly-computer-generated woman telling me how well or badly I'm doing. I think I'd imagine she was laughing at me. So I use the man.

First thing after getting up, I check my waking levels. 7.3mmol/l (131 mg/dl) - good to go. 40 reps with the weights, then load up Wii Fit Plus. Twenty minutes of yoga and muscle exercises.

During this time, I did find myself yelling at the Wii Fit guy (who needs a name - suggestions?). Stop telling me my body is shaking. I know my body is shaking! It's because what you're asking me to do is difficult!

Did it all though (with some minor cursing), and then did the obstacle course (most annoying game ever?), Step Plus (because it's hilariously easy) and jogging to cool down.

That's Day Two done. Let's see if I can manage to do this all before going to work tomorrow. Place your bets, please!

Training: Day One - the journey begins

2010-06-19T23:49:00.001+01:00

Yep, that is me. With weights. Andrew has a new camera (which is really awesome), and took this one of me.

I'm working out. This is a new thing for me. Admittedly, these are fairly wussy weights - which I have just noticed say York on them! - only a total of 10lbs, but you've got to start somewhere.

Why am I working out? Well, several reasons.

Reason 1 - I was hoping to take part in this event, which I mentioned a while back now, to raise money for JDRF. Unfortunately, it looks like this isn't going to happen, because although 'my team' can afford the entry fees OK, the cost of travelling, accommodation, and food in London is not cheap, and has just been brought to my attention. So sadly (and this is sadly) that particular event has had to be put on the back burner. I would have loved to do it, and would like to do it in the future - and perhaps do the whole event - but it looks like it's not meant to be this year. Unless some kind soul out there feels like helping me out with the practicalities, in which case, drop me an email!

However, there's now a new event in mind, which actually should end up being harder work for me - and make me have to face several fears! No more on it just yet, but as soon as I've got confirmed team members, and dates, I'll be putting up a sponsorship page, with the whole story. Keep looking out for it!

Reason 2 - Ginger Vieira and I are working on a project. Pretty hush-hush right now, but it WILL happen. If you don't know Ginger, do go check out her site. She's really awesome, and I'm having a lot of fun getting to know her. She's also an record holding powerlifter, and bench press champion. Hopefully she'll bear with me whilst I work up from wussy weights.

So what's my workout plan? Well, I'm still putting it together, but I'm having some help from the Wii Fit, and have put together a 20 minute yoga and muscle exercise plan, which I'm hoping to do before work every morning (giving me further motivation to GET UP), as well as reps with these 5lb weights. I'm looking to do four sets of ten reps, and work up from there.

What else? Well, sadly Dancesport has broken up for the summer, as far as I can tell. Silly university terms. So to fill the gap, I'm visiting a climbing wall, and I'm going to be taking up running.

You probably have no idea how much actually saying that fills me with dread. I hate running, I really, really do. I can sprint OK, but sustained distances? Let's just say that one of my proudest moments running was putting on a sprint at the last minute doing cross country at school, which meant that I came second from last in my year group as opposed to last.

So why am I doing it? Well, I want to try and raise as much money possible for JDRF. So I need to be able to do the event I'm planning on. I also need to be seen to be making a serious effort. I'm hoping that by tracking my progress with this, I'll be able to give you a good laugh - it's going to be thoroughly unglamorous, and maybe you'll take pity on me, and pass on the word of what I'm going to do.

Like I say, keep your eyes open. Probably next week I'll have details for you. And possibly a first vlog on the subject. I also need to get pre-exercise levels right. First 'training hypo' happened today.

We're off to a good start.

Do You Hear What I Hear?

2010-06-18T23:37:00.004+01:00

Shunk! Chu-chuck! Ti-di-dit!

Name those noises? Can't? OK, fair enough. I can though.

1) Lanceting device firing

2) Pulling back the lanceting device to fire

3) Demipen injecting

All very familiar sounds to me now. So it turns out you can hear diabetes. Who knew? I certainly didn't, until the thought occurred to me when my 'Lantus Alarm' went off on my phone nearly an hour ago. 23:00, every night since I started using Lantus. I think I need to get a better alarm noise, because that one really annoys me. I don't know if it's the noise itself, or the fact the noise is actually playing that annoys me. But I wonder if there is a 'remix' of every day diabetes sounds to be had?

Maybe this is because I've got myself in a musical mindset at the moment. I'm practising for an open mic night coming up soon (one of my first times playing the guitar in public!), but also, I came across a few rather hilarious bits and pieces today.

I know that I'm rather behind the times in coming across these, but they cracked me up all the same, and in case you're as behind as me, I suggest checking them out.

First up is the always great Weird Al Yankovic with a lovely little ditty about our favourite organ, the pancreas.

Second up is something that I discovered today, and wished I known about months ago. That would be Christiaan Van Vuuren, the Fully Sick Rapper. This guy is the business, and has a special place in my heart. I would love to see what would happen if you got him together with Flight of the Conchords, and Garfunkel & Oates. I have had his tunes in my head all day. I wish I had just 1% of this guy's creativity :D

Your Disco (erm....blogger) Needs You!

2010-06-17T12:55:00.000+01:00

Like many others at this time of the year, I'm going to be offline for a week next month. Sadly, not on my own holidays though. Every year, my work packs up the entire office for a week, and decamps to boarding schools in North Yorkshire, for the annual Riding Lights Summer Theatre School (still places available, by the way!).

This means that I'll be working away from an internet connection - meaning no new posts from me for that time. So I'm looking for your help, DOC!

I need guest posters for 24th - 31st July. I don't have any particular theme in mind, but if you're interested in filling in for me for a day, please do get in touch. Leave a comment, or drop me an email, and we can sort something out. Looking forward to hearing from you!

Happy chair is happy - sad meter is sad?

2010-06-16T23:27:00.000+01:00

We humans are an interesting bunch, I'm sure you'll agree. We do all sorts of strange an bizarre things. One thing we do is find personality in the most every day of things. I mean, have you seen Happy Chair Is Happy, as a prime example?

So it's no surprise that you constantly come across people in the DOC giving personalities to things - D as a whole, pumps have names, so do lows, highs, CGMS and meters. I haven't got to the stage of naming things myself (apart from numberwang, which is pure quality, obviously)

I love that we do this. It takes something that can be so sterile, and gives it character. It's all about playing games with our imaginations. Stops us from growing too old, or going too crazy. I guess as well, it stops the gadgetry that we use day to day from being too imposing and 'scary'.

Now I'm wondering about the names of everyone's kit, and all their characters. Anyone up for a 'parade'? I'll bring the mardi gras beads!

Fail and Win

2010-06-15T23:29:00.000+01:00

Over the last few days, I've had some issues of serious failure cross my path. Some of them got me so riled up that I feel I need to share them.

First up, the rather wonderful Kelly over at Diabetesaliciousness™ came across something really rather rage inducing.

Read about her encounter with a completely ignorant book at her local pharmacy, which infuriates me both as a diabetic, and as a Christian. I believe anyone with any kind of faith, or any kind of conscience for that matter will get seriously enraged by this. Kelly is also encouraging everyone to try and get this awful book removed from shops. Please go and get involved, particularly if you're US based. They will listen to us if enough of us complain.

Secondly, she's not the only one talking about this right now, but Amy Tenderich of DiabetesMine is talking about the ruling that only 'trained' nurses are going to be allowed to inject insulin in certain US states - what happens in schools where there are no nurses? It seems utterly ridiculous, and also incredibly dangerous.

Diabetes UK are also, amongst others, trying to highlight the plight of parents in the UK who have been forced to give up work in order to care for their children with Type 1. Schools in question, hang your heads in shame!

Now, as a form of counter balance, here are some moments of win from online, which have also crossed my path!

Cara from Every Day, Every Hour, Every Minute is doing a giveaway of some amazing carb-free cupcakes! OK, they're actually crayons, but they're pretty awesome all the same. They definitely look good enough to eat!

Ginger Vieira's site Living In Progress has caught my eye. She does Life Coaching for people with chronic illnesses and health problems. As soon as my laptop has been repaired/new one has been purchased, and my Skype is working again, I'm looking forward to having a consult!

Diabetic Feed is back! After a fairly long hiatus, they're back in business with podcasts about diabetes news and the online community. Definitely worth a download!

Not wholly diabetes related, but I've been enjoying reading posts from John Schumann over at his blog, Glass Hospital. His blog is all about 'demystifying medicine one week at a time'.

With demystifying medicine in mind, my own little plug is for my new article, 10 Tips For Living With Type 1 Diabetes at Health And Life Stuff, who are all about explaining complex medical things.

Finally, it's Diabetes Week here in the UK! See what Diabetes UK are up to and what they have to say.

In the swing of things

2010-06-14T22:42:00.000+01:00

Oh, it's so easy to think that you've hit your stride. That you're in the swing of things. You get into a routine, and certain things just become habit.

After those things become habit, the,...n you start branching out and experimenting a bit. So it's always more than slightly annoying when you realise that something you thought you'd totally got to grips with knocks you on your arse.

I'd got to grips with splitting doses, or so I thought, at any rate. Tonight though, I found myself so preoccupied with trying to work out the right amount of NR to cover my meal (which required a split dose), that I just injected it all at once, feeling proud that I'd worked out the amount correctly.

It took me a few seconds before I my heart sink, and I shouted out something a bit rude. Still not all second nature then, it appears!

Nothing to see here!

2010-06-13T23:58:00.002+01:00

I'm terribly sorry, but I actually don't have anything to say today that's well....worth saying! So instead, I would like to point you to the cutest site I've seen in ages.

Check out Flimsy the Kitten, because it's adorable. And witty. And British, dammit!

The Numbers

2010-06-12T22:54:00.001+01:00

Something about weekends, and not wearing my watch throws my internal clock all off. Which means sometimes I end up eating later than I plan to, because I just plain old lose track of the time.

I found myself having some strange old thoughts earlier. I was sat in my bedroom doing a sudoku puzzle, and I had a shining moment of well...weirdness, I suppose. I realised that I had done something that I believed no-one had ever done before. I had worked out the genders of all the numbers! Genius! So 9 was female, 8 was male, 7 female, 6 male, but it doesn't just carry on in sequence... Looking at the clock. Oh, it's 21:00. That's later than I thought, and thinking about it, isn't thinking about what gender all the numbers in sudoku are just a bit strange if you stop and consider it a bit more?

Probably a good idea to get something to eat, all things considered.

And just as a heads up, I had a guest post up yesterday at The Life of a Diabetic. Feel free to go and check it out. Many thanks to Chris for having me over as part of his guest post week!

Walking a fine line

2010-06-11T23:36:00.023+01:00

Today has been difficult. I ended up having one of those hypos that isn't even that low, but ends up knocking you for six. Felt so grotty all day, and then ended up in double figures. Just lovely.

As I mentioned yesterday, I had a black tie drinks thing for a friend's birthday this evening. At about 18:00, I wasn't entirely convinced that I would be able to go. I'd been feeling totally shaky, sweating loads, and just couldn't seem to process things right. To be honest, I felt utterly rubbish. Yet I didn't want to let this win.

What I wasn't sure about though, was that if I went out for drinks, still feeling rough, would I then feel even worse for the whole weekend? Not a definite outcome, to be sure, but certainly a possibility. I wasn't willing to sacrifice my weekend for it, but I wanted to go.

I did end up going, and thankfully I seemed to level out and I started feeling OK. I think I might have been lucky though. It felt like it so easily have gone the other way.

Losing things

2010-06-10T23:50:00.000+01:00

Not being a 'girly' girl, as I've mentioned before, you might be a bit surprised to know that I like to dress up as much as the next person. I'm rather pleased that I've got a friend's birthday drinks tomorrow night, and he's said it's black tie.

I don't tend to spend much money on clothes, and even on smart dresses, but I do have a rather nice handful of dresses for smart occasions.

This might be the post that makes a few people hate me - and trust me, I'm not trying to make this an 'oh poor me, my diamond shoes are too tight' type post. The thing is that, pre diagnosis, I lost quite a bit of weight. I know this isn't unheard of, but I've not put any of it back on, and I've actually lost more. I'm really happy about this of course, but the problem I've got is that an awful lot of my clothes actually don't fit me any more.

I tried on several of my nice dresses to decide what to wear, and most of them are going to need some serious alterations before they'll be suitable to wear again. The two that I tried on that still looked ok were, amusingly enough, the ones that had already been altered, since I've worn them more recently.

I just struggle to bring myself to spend money on clothes, when I have decent ones! The fact that they don't fit me seems beside the point. I'm just a real tightwad when it comes to money!

Dressed as a bear

2010-06-09T23:58:00.000+01:00

I had the day off work today, in order to go to what I believed to be a 'user involvement' day, run by Diabetes UK. As it was being held pretty much opposite where I work, I figured it couldn't hurt to go along. It'd be a good chance to network, perhaps promote DiDkA, and promote, and perhaps recruit a few people for Circle D North Yorkshire.

Did you ever go to a party where you turned up dressed in something vastly inappropriate? I felt a little but like I'd turned up to a black tie event dressed in fancy dress - perhaps dressed like a bear.

Whilst everyone was really lovely and welcoming (and the DUK staff seemingly thrilled to see someone under thirty), it became quite clear that the event had a) been slightly misrepresented, and b) I may also have got slightly the wrong end of the stick about the whole thing. The day was about 'Service User Reps', and getting feedback. Do you know what one is? I most certainly didn't.

That's not to say that the day wasn't interesting, because it was. I never knew that the NHS had a constitution, for one thing! I don't know if I would become a Service User Rep - I get the impression that it may well be a time heavy commitment, and especially closer to the autumn, when my Master's course starts, my time is somewhat of a premium. But like I say, I didn't know there was an NHS constitution, and that it turns out that they're legally obliged to listen to us. All interesting stuff. I did also have an interesting chat with someone from the DUK head office!

Maybe I'll just leave my bear costume at home next time!

Getting to know you

2010-06-08T23:37:00.000+01:00

I talk about myself a lot on here - no surprise, this is my blog after all. However, the wonder that is Statcounter tells me that I have people from all over the world popping in all the time. I've also noticed a wonderful influx of new people leaving comments over the past few weeks - thanks so much to all you guys, I really appreciate it!

So I'd really like to throw open this one to all of you, and have a chance to get to know who you are! How did you end up here, what were you looking for? (did you find it?) Have you ever wanted to ask me anything?

So sit down, grab a (virtual) coffee, or whatever's your poison, and let's chat! :)

Black and Blue

2010-06-07T23:45:00.000+01:00

I've been told that I'm clumsy before now. You know what? That may very well be true to some extent. Yet I don't think that I'm complete klutz. However, I still have some bruises up and down my legs from last week's fun and japes with the Lindy Hop.

They don't bother me though, because I know where they came from. I can attribute them to something. What I have found recently though, is that I've ended up with some fairly colourful bruising from injecting over the past week. Just seems a bit strange, really. I haven't changed my technique particularly, although I have been injecting in my thigh more. Still, last night in particular, I injected (I think) my Lantus, and whilst I was changing to go to bed an hour later, I saw that the spot was now a vivid blueish purple, and had bled a surprising amount. What the heck is going on here?

On a completely different note, if you haven't seen it, I really recommend having a look at Chris' blogroll on Type 1 Tidbits - it's the most fun and creative blogroll I've seen.

New Kit

2010-06-06T21:59:00.001+01:00

Despite my wardrobe malfunction, my prescription review the other day was actually fairly useful. I managed to increase it so I get two boxes of needles in one go, rather than one. I also got a prescription for a glucagon injection kit. Now that is one scary looking piece of kit. It's currently sitting in my fridge.

According to the instructions, it will last for up to eighteen months in the fridge. I really hope that it's one of those things that I will need to replace after eighteen months because it's expired, rather than because I've had to use it. Or rather because someone has had to use it on me.

In my shoes

2010-06-05T20:46:00.000+01:00

I think that human beings universally like to talk about the weather - it's a very 'safe' topic. It can also be a very boring topic as well. However, it is warm, and I know many people (including myself) have pointed this one out recently. It is true though.

Warm weather is pretty much the only non-black tie reason that I will break out skirts and dresses. I don't own many, because I hate my legs. Nothing shorter than just above the knee either, because nobody needs to see that!

Skirts and dresses however, tend to mean no trainers. No shoes that, however comfy they might be, are ugly as sin. I've said it before, and I'll say it again - I hate shoes. I hate shopping for shoes, I hate pretty much everything about them. This is mainly because I have ridiculously wide, fat feet. I can never find any shoes to fit properly. So if I find a pair of shoes that work, I generally buy them in bulk. Problem is though, that I never have any nice ones to wear with dresses. I only really wear flats, unless I'm wearing a really smart dress.

Flip flops? Wore my only pair into work this evening (where I am writing this as a show goes on upstairs!) , and I now have scraped up and blistered feet. Luckily I thought this might happen, and put my only pair of ballet pumps left that aren't rubbing me either, in my bag. Yet these are still rubbing me, because once my feet are blistered, that's it for the day.

As best I understand it, blisters, and shoes that rub the hell out of you aren't the best of ideas. Yet I can't find a solution to this problem. I don't want to wear my big, ugly, boiling hot winter shoes. It's warm, I'm warm, and I want something light and pretty that isn't going to cause me tremendous pain.

Is this so much to ask, really?

It's all meme meme meme

2010-06-04T23:00:00.075+01:00

Late night back from riding out to Filey. Lovely evening riding on the back of my friend Tom's Honda Blackbird, eating fish and chips overlooking the ocean, then watching Blade Runner (not by the sea). The evening also involved half a bottle of cherry lucozade, but that's another story.

So now I'm sat watching Ponyo (if you don't know Studio Ghibli, rent My Neighbour Totoro or The Cat Returns now to begin your eduction!), which unfortunately has no subtitles, so guessing at the dialogue, whilst Andrew brushes out my hair. Doesn't matter what I do with my hair, whenever I go out on the bike, it ends up horribly matted. I think plaits might be the way forward! He has an amazingly light touch, which apparently comes from detangling his sister's hair when they were younger.

So being as I'm currently otherwise engaged, I thought I would borrow a meme I found from Kerri for tonight. Enjoy or skip as the mood takes you!

1. What was the last thing you put in your mouth? Morrison's White Grape and Blackberry flavoured water

2. Where was your profile picture taken? At my birthday party this year

3. Can you play Guitar Hero? Yes, and I'm somewhat better at it than most people. But most people aren't good at it, so that's not saying much

4. Name someone who made you laugh today? Andrew is at the moment, for his strange audio commentary to Ponyo

5. How late did you stay up last night and why? I believe till about 00:30. Mainly because Andrew wanted to watch a second episode of Early Edition

6. If you could move somewhere else, would you? Hmm, possibly. I love York though, so I'd rather just bring people here!

7. Ever been kissed under fireworks? No

8. Which of your friends lives closest to you on your FaceBook list? Haha, again Andrew

9. Do you believe exes can be friends? Possibly. I think it depends on the people and the circumstances

10. How do you feel about Dr Pepper? We have an established relationship, but doctor-patient confidentiality goes both ways, you know

11. When was the last time you cried really hard? I'm a somewhat 'middle of the road' crier. I don't cry all the time, but it's not uncommon. But for once, I really can't remember

12. Who took your profile picture? It was either Jenny or my friend Rosie - I'm not sure

13. Who was the last person you took a picture of? Myself. I was trying to do something for Olivejooice's beauty project, so I took a picture on my phone of me after an hour of Lindyhop, but I did look like pond scum, so it won't see the light of day, I'm afraid!

14. Was yesterday better than today? Absolutely

15. Can you live a day without TV? Sure

16. Are you upset about anything? Right now all is right with the world

17. Do you think relationships are ever really worth it? Absolutely

18. Are you a bad influence? There is a distinct possibility

19. Night out or night in? Depends what where with who

20. What items could you not go without during the day? Meter (duh), but apart from that, I think I'd probably make do

21. Who was the last person you visited in the hospital? I really couldn't say

22. What does the last text message in your inbox say? My friend Tom saying he'll see if he can find me a jacket. He did, as well

23. How do you feel about your life right now? You take the good with the bad, and hope the good outweighs - it usually does

24. Do you hate anyone? I don't think so. Strongly dislike, and would be happy never to see again, though? There are a few...

25. If we were to look in your Facebook inbox, what would we find? Loads of group messages that I never answer

26. Say you were given a drug test right now, would you pass? Yes

27. Has anyone ever called you perfect before? Not to the best of my recollection

28. What song is stuck in your head? The theme to My Neighbour Totoro

29. Someone knocks on your window at 2:00 a.m., a secret lover or George Clooney? Someone on stilts more likely, since I live in the roof!

30.Wanna have grandkids before you’re 50? Don't really want kids full stop, so, erm....no

31. Name something you have to do tomorrow? Finish off an article, and then domestic stuff

32. Do you think too much or too little? Way too much

33. Do you smile a lot? I guess so? You tell me!

Bonus Round...

34. How many hours a day do you spend on the computer? I try not to count. But I work at a computer

35. If you could be anyone else for a day, who would you be? A more confident me (with better thighs!)

36. Facebook or Twitter? Depends on what I'm after

37. Chicken or Beef? In what recipe?

38. Mac or PC? PC PC PC

39. Have you ever punched anyone in the face? Nope. I'm not proud to say that I've slapped someone though

40. Last music received or purchased? Strike! by The Baseballs - I highly recommend it :D